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X-Factor Review

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The X Factor Final. In an explosion of gloss, glamour and glitter, Simon Cowell lets us forget everything for two precious hours. No TV show has united the country like this series of the X Factor, and the final show saw Mr Nice - cheeky Essex boy Olly Murrs squared up against Mr Nicer- Geordie teenager Joe McElderry. Watched by over 20 million people it was the biggest series of the talent show so far. After many, many months of seeing Cheryl Cole's dresses go from slightly eccentric to clinically insane, we were finally down to our final two. Out of 200,000 contestants Geordie Joe, the wholesome teen with a huge set of shiny teeth that make Simon Cowells look a bit underdone. Although he can undeniably hold a note, he holds less charisma than one strand of Jedwards hair. And then there's Olly, with his tight trousers and crappy dance moves, which are absolutely crucial to win the Final of X Factor. ...read more.


And Simon, well he always looks the same. Dermot tells us he has something special for us, sadly he's not quitting, instead it's "never forget" night and all the favourites are back. There's humble Danyl with a long face as always, and who could forget Rikki and Lucie? Well, all of us really. Miss Frank is still together though, although Graziella looks like she's been comfort eating since they got voted out. Rachel manages the whole set without falling over and little Lloyd is still cuter than a whole kennel of Andrex puppies. Jedward jump on stage, but are only allowed to sing one line, for obvious reasons. Kandy Rain were there with their assortment of slutty frocks, rivalling Cheryl's, and Jamie Afro is back in his out-of-date flares which probably contradict Louis' rules. All the 'not good enough' rejects are dressed in black, yet our two finalists are clad in pure white, I wonder what this is supposed to represent? ...read more.


Joe is singing 'don't stop believing' and what's there to say really? As with all Joe's performances, it's a competent vocal, although I don't think his voice suits the song. At all. Joes like a 17 year old cliff Richard, and that can't be good. He'll end up with a love for naff cardigans and Christian folk music before he's even 20. Then there were the special guests. Alexandra Burke, JLS and Leona, filling up a good 15 minutes. After the ads, Olly sings 'the climb', and with no crappy dancing to back up his even crappier voice, we realise that he really can't sing at all. The judges have inhaled something illegal though and think it's brilliant. At the end of those long 2 hours, or what felt like that anyway, the show finally reaches its climax. Joe's crowned winner and Olly looks like he's about to throw something. After the over-the-top fireworks and the never ending hugs, X Factors finally over. I wonder what they'll throw at us next year. ...read more.

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