A 12-year-old reports being bullied at the bus stop. The bullying has escalated to pushing and shoving. What impact can this experience have on the child, and what should the parents do about it?

Possible impacts on bullying victim (NCPTB, 2003):

What should the parents do about this?

Parents should encourage the child to share their feelings with them. The child may be embarrassed, ashamed, and fearful.  They need to listen attentively and reassure them that they will not have to face the problem alone.  Praise for the child for specific accomplishments and traits is essential to help their self esteem.  If the parents can help the child develop friendships and encourage interaction with new peers, this can also help the child so they aren't alone in this situation.  If their child’s behavior is contributing to being bullied, parents can help him/her change their behavior (without suggesting that they are responsible for being victimized).  Encouragement for the child to participate in physical activity or sports can result in better physical coordination and less “body anxiety” which, in turn, can increase the child’s self-esteem and improve peer relations.  It is very important to maintain contact with the child’s school and a detailed record of bullying episodes should be kept and communicated with the school. The parents should help develop a plan of action for the school to follow (NCPTB, 2003).  Schools should get involved with the issue. Plans to deter bullying include establishing behavior contracts for bullies. Some schools send bullies home for a couple days; before they can start classes again, the bullies must return with their parents and sign a contract of good behavior (Education World, 2000). Schools can also adopt a no-blame policy. In some schools, a victim of bullying reports the situation to a coordinator, who then talks to the bully and any witnesses. There is a meeting between the victim and the bully to air their differences. Then an action plan is drawn up to solve the problem. This approach is based on the theory that being nice to people brings out the best in them and is less punitive than some other solutions. Some students also seem to feel freer to report a bully if they know he or she won't be punished (Education World, 2000). I don't know what state the 12-year-old victim lives in, but in California, children who are bullied by classmates can get stay-away orders issued against the aggressors. Passed in 1998, the law provides for stay-away orders that allow police officers to arrest violators for making telephone contact, mailing letters, or coming within a specified distance of the victim (Education World, 2000).  It sounds extreme, but it may be necessary.

References:

North Carolina Parent-Teacher Bulletin: Bullying Affects all our Children. 2003. Retrieved April 25, 2003, from

Rimm, Sylvia. 2000. Why Kids Kill: Exploring the Causes and Possible Solutions.  Retrieved April 25, 2003, from

Education World: Sticks and Stones and Names Can Hurt You: De-Myth-tifying the Classroom Bully! 2000. Retrieved April 25, 2003, from http://www.education-world.com/a_issues/issues102.shtml