Bullying The tablets were just sitting there me in frustration staring at them nobody around why would there be,

I was throwing my life away because of something stupid something I could ignore maybe it would go away but if it lasted longer then it wouldn’t stop and I wouldn’t be able to stop it this could be the single toughest decision of my life and if I made the supposed wrong one then it would be my last one as well but what the hell if they wouldn’t stop then I wont in regretting this moment even though it seemed like it was taking forever this moment could prove how brave strong or how idiotic I really am. This feels like the worst day of my life but I swear I’ve had worse I’m confused but completely the opposite I feel scared but not I feel light headed but I don’t know it feels like when your sad but I’m not I’m not happy either I’m cold and hot. I think that if I OD then I’m a fool but if I don’t then I’m crazy this situation is racking my brain for solutions my body hurts and I can’t do anything about it. This pain is unbearable I guess if I want this for my life and live in fear frightened for the rest of my life and for my children and wife but of course I remember I’m worthless nobody wants me do they I’m a good for nothing bum who scrounges of the nearest human being I’m a parasite I’m a mummies boy and whoever talks to me should be ashamed well if that’s what they think then I think its time to give up yeah that’s it and when they find out they will feel ashamed and probably kill themselves but then I will feel guilty by becoming a murderer just by committing suicide then what will I do oh who cares ill be dead anyway so its their problem if I’m no good to anyone alive then I may as well be dead ill write out a suicide note saying if no one cares about you then you don’t care about anyone even yourself well done cowards and then the police will get on to it or will they, they don’t care either if you come from my background then they’ll just say “oh he couldn’t cope” then this would have been for nothing my life and death for nothing that would just make them happier as if they’d care. Has it really come to this my life gone in the flick of a fist and a severe loss of money hiding in the corner of my parent’s house that I’m being chucked out of anyway. Just to think a grown man and the loss of the will to live which started at a young age well here goes… wait a knock at the door just the post or something. “Hello” “Hello” Ah yes the wonderful Jane the only person in the world who liked this parasite I wonder if she realises that she could be the last person to see me until the body identification. “I was just wondering if you were ok those muggers just don’t seem to like you this has been happening frequently hasn’t it” “Yes, but they must be getting bored” “I hope so I’d hate to see all that money go to waste I mean are you going to be alright tonight or do need someone to keep you company?” “No I’m fine I just need to finish some writing then I’m going to sleep and hopefully for good” “What do you mean?” “Um I’m just so tired can you see the bags under my eyes” That was close but she seems to really care unless she just wants my money that seems to be on a decrease at the moment. This won’t matter soon because when Jane’s gone so will I, for good. “Oh, ok so I’ll see you at work tomorrow unless you have a lie in for good heh heh geddit.” “Yeah, see you…in heaven” I had to say that under my breath in case she got worried. Well we’re back here again but this time there is no going back this time I don’t care for consequences or who gets hurt I will have the same heart of stone as my muggers when they punched me for the fourteenth time last night. Goodbye cruel world and everyone in it!!