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Me-memories ...I try to feel grief, or pain, but instead I feel nothing, just can't. What am I? Do I have no feelings for my loved ones at all.....? I have always regarded myself as being quite normal and fortunate. When I look at others I feel so sorry for them. Why? Because someone in their family has passed away, I always try to sympathise with them, but it seems not to be worth it. I still think that I could never understand their pain, as I myself have not experienced such a tragedy. I am not saying that no one in my family has died. But then I was too young to understand. When I was four, I lost my grandfather (my mother's father). He died of a heart attack in Bangladesh. I was constantly told by my mother that I was very close to him. Four years of my life I had known him, and yet I do not even have a small, tiny memory of him. My sister was five at that time and today she is seventeen years of age and I myself am fourteen. At least she has a vague memory of our grandfather. I feel ashamed when I say that I have no memories of him...What must my family think of me? Everyone has some sort of a memory. Why is it that I have none at all? I remember asking my mother once, Why is it I cannot remember anything about my grandfather? ...read more.


When the nurse who'd taken my baby was coming out, and I stopped her and asked her, "Where is my child?" the nurse stated that the child was inside the room, and that my daughter was absolutely fine and there was nothing to worry about. However my heart was not accepting the nurse's statement and when I checked again I saw the doctors were putting wires inside my child and were taking lots of blood from her body and then a nurse came and grabbed hold of me and took me away back to the ward. At that split second I didn't know what to do, or who to consult, as my English was very little and no one would understand me. Then I heard a siren coming from outside and rushed to see what it was. I saw an ambulance coming and taking my daughter somewhere and then bringing her back. I rushed to the nearest pay phone and called your father to hurry to the hospital as there was obviously something going on. When he was coming a nurse came and gave my child to me. I held my child and could feel that she was not breathing. She looked very pale and blood was dripping from her body. I quickly unwrapped her and saw that there were a lot of hole in her body and that my child was dead. I started to cry and everybody came towards me, asking what was wrong, and then they saw my daughter dead in my arms. ...read more.


She said nothing but ten minutes later my mother phoned and told us the news. I tried to sound devastated, but inside I felt nothing. I felt as though, "Yes, I know the news. Why tell it again?" Is there something wrong with me or is it just normal? But after hanging up the phone, I went into my bedroom and started thinking. The news of my grandfather's death was supposed to be devastating, but I didn't feel anything. I started to cry, again because I thought I was supposed to cry, because someone had died. I tried to remember what he used to do, and tried to feel grief, but no I couldn't. I ended up thinking about my grandmother. What if it was my mum? What if she had died? How would I have reacted? I started crying. Why did I start crying for someone who was still alive and well? I'd known my grandfather for four years of my life and yet I felt nothing about his death, but at least I have some treasured memories of him unlike my other grandfather. I'm afraid that if my grandmother dies part of my heart will die with her. I am very close to my grandmother and I love her to shreds. I am afraid that one day I will forget all my memories of everyone who has passed away or will pass away in the future, like I did with my grandfather... Oh why do I have these feelings? Why do I have such depressing thoughts in my mind...? What am I? ...Oh ALLAH (GOD) help me... ...read more.

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