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Big Brother! - creative writing

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Big Brother! Day 1 - Tom admits straight away that he doesn't like the look of Kayleigh. He says she looks like a lesbian. As it turns out, Stef is in fact the only lesbian in the house, although David later admits that he is unsure of his true sexuality. 2 - The house sit down for a discussion of how to organise simple chores. Eggo creates tension by stating that the kitchen is where the women belong. Alison hits him with a Spatula. 3 - The housemates are set their first task by Big Brother - they must make a model of Eiffel Tower out of Cold Pot Noodles. After much persuasion by Eggo, they gamble 50% of next week's food budget on completing the task. 4 - Training for the Eiffel Tower task is well under way. However havoc ensues when David, who is rapidly developing a reputation as the laziest fat bastard in the house, eats half the Cold Pot Noodles. Alison is furious. 5 - Today is the day when the Eiffel Tower task must be completed. Things are going well until shortly before the end when David farts and blows Eiffel Tower over. Big Brother announces that the task has been a failure. Kayleigh cries. 6 - Eggo gets pecked on the arm by one of the Big Brother chickens. Not a very exciting day. ...read more.


13 - The running machine task is on target, despite the fact that David refuses to run because his Feet hurts a bit. 14 - Much jubilation in the house as the running machine task is completed. David finally manages to run the last 10 metres of the task and claims that without him they'd never have done it. Alison calls David a lazy Feet. 15 - Once again it is the day when nominations are due. Tom tells everyone individually that he thinks Alison is a whore. He also points out that anyone who wants to stay at his flat when the show is finished is welcome to come and visit. Alison and Eggo are nominated by the housemates to leave. Nobody votes for Tom. 16 - The nominations are announced. Alison can't believe she's been voted out two weeks in a row. Eggo is equally stunned and turns to Alison for comfort. David is distraught and confesses to Stef that he thinks he is in love with Eggo. Stef says she doesn't fancy any of the housemates because they're all just too heterosexual and she's a lesbian, you know 17 - The public vote Eggo out of the house. Alison says she is gutted and even gives Eggo a clipping of hair from her Bum to prove how much she cares. ...read more.


They gamble 50% of the food budget. 27 - Completely out of the blue, David breaks down in tears and announces that he is leaving. He claims that it is because the dung-shifting task has brought back the painful memories of the Mongolian Fish incident from his childhood. Alison tries to persuade him to stay but Tom sits in a corner, rubbing his hands slyly. David decides to leave. 28 - With only two housemates remaining, the Mongolian Fish dung task proves impossible. They fail miserably and resort to getting extremely pissed on some vegetable wine, made by Alison from a couple of mouldy carrots she found in the Big Brother garden. 29 - Nominations are due for the final time. Tom asks Alison to marry him and she accepts. Unsurprisingly Tom nominates Alison to leave. Rather more surprisingly, so does Alison. 30 - When the nomination is announced, Alison graciously accepts defeat and proclaims that Tom is a worthy winner. As they are soon to marry, she also agrees to shag him. The event is broadcast live to the nation and is preceded by a speech from the Queen. Everyone in the Big Brother production crew breathe a huge sigh of relief as viewing figures go through the roof. Tom takes his �70,000 and runs away to Mongolia. Nobody, including Alison, ever sees him again. The Site With No Name Jokes, competitions and silly Shockwave games www.dc8p.com ...read more.

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