Big Brother! - creative writing

says he never wears condoms because they make his Feet sore and Eggo agrees. Stef goes into a rant about how none of the other housemates have ever enjoyed a true orgasm because they're all boring heterosexual bastards. David sits in the corner, quietly eyeing up Eggo.8 - Today is the first day that the housemates must nominate someone to leave. Tom goes round everyone one by one, telling them he really likes them because they're the only one in the house that he can really relate to. Alison and Kayleigh are voted as the two candidates to leave. Nobody votes for Tom.9 - Alison and Kayleigh are told of their nominations and burst into tears, before hugging everyone and telling them they love them. Stef sings them a song - "Margery the Chicken" - to make them feel better.10 - The public vote Kayleigh out of the house. She pretends not to be bothered but then breaks down and sobs that she should never have admitted about enjoying being spanked. Kayleigh leaves.11 - Relationships are strained in the house as the housemates come to terms with Kayleigh's departure. The food budget is low due to the failure of last week's failed task. Stef has to make do without the cucumber she requested. Alison is visibly depressed and is comforted by Eggo, who tries to touch her on her Bum.12 - The Big Brother pyschologist replays the footage of Eggo touching Alison's Bum over and over again. This is because it shows an interesting psychological incident, of course, not because it will increase the viewing figures. Big Brother sets the housemates the task of jogging on a running machine for twice the circumferance of the globe. They gamble 40% of the food budget on completing it.13 - The running machine task is on target, despite the fact that David refuses to run because his Feet hurts a bit.14 - Much jubilation in the house as the running machine task is completed. David finally manages to run the last 10 metres of the task and claims that without him they'd never have done it. Alison calls David a lazy Feet.15 - Once again it is the day when nominations are due. Tom tells everyone individually that he thinks Alison is a whore. He also points out that anyone who wants to stay at his flat when the show is finished is welcome to come and visit. Alison and Eggo are nominated by the housemates to leave. Nobody votes for Tom.16 - The nominations are announced. Alison can't believe she's been voted out two weeks in a row. Eggo is equally stunned and turns to Alison for comfort. David is distraught and confesses to Stef that he thinks he is in love with Eggo. Stef says she doesn't fancy any of the housemates because they're all just too heterosexual and she's a lesbian, you know17 - The public vote Eggo out of the house. Alison says she is gutted and even gives Eggo a clipping of hair from her Bum to prove how much she cares. David is also devastated but keeps his hair to himself. Eggo leaves.18 - The Big Brother psychologist shows repeated clips of Alison clipping the hair from her Bum. Apparently this is an important psychological incident. The public obviously agree as viewing figures soar.19 - Big Brother sets the housemates the task of burping the National Anthem of Mongolia in 60 seconds. They gamble 50% of the food budget on completing it.20 - Nobody has a clue what the National Anthem of Mongolia sounds like but David says it's a bit like Dancing Queen. The housemates choose Tom as the one who must complete the task.21 - Tom successfully burps not only the National Anthem of Mongolia but also God Save The Queen, "Margery the Chicken" and the theme tune to Watership Down. He is proclaimed as a hero, despite the fact that a vote in a tabloid newspaper shows that 98% of the public want to kill him.22 - Nominations are due and Tom tells everyone that he has a Villa in the South of France and they can all come and stay for a holiday. David and Stef are nominated.23 - David and Stef take their nominations well and sit down with Tom and Alison to discuss why they voted for them. Tom keeps quiet but Alison accuses David of being an arrogant, lazy, self-centred Feet before bursting into tears.24 - The public vote Stef out of the house and nobody really gives a shit. Stef leaves.25 - Tom becomes the first housemate to have a wank. This footage goes down well with the Big Brother pschologist who proclaims that it gives us a true insight into the working of Tom's mind and brings out his true personality. In other words, he's a wanker.26 - Big Brother sets the remaining three housemates the task of shifting 5000 tons of Mongolian Fish dung using only a Spatula. Tom is unsure but David is confident, claiming to have done something very similar when he was younger. They gamble 50% of the food budget.27 - Completely out of the blue, David breaks down in tears and announces that he is leaving. He claims that it is because the dung-shifting task has brought back the painful memories of the Mongolian Fish incident from his childhood. Alison tries to persuade him to stay but Tom sits in a corner, rubbing his hands slyly. David decides to leave.28 - With only two housemates remaining, the Mongolian Fish dung task proves impossible. They fail miserably and resort to getting extremely pissed on some vegetable wine, made by Alison from a couple of mouldy carrots she found in the Big Brother garden.29 - Nominations are due for the final time. Tom asks Alison to marry him and she accepts. Unsurprisingly Tom nominates Alison to leave. Rather more surprisingly, so does Alison.30 - When the nomination is announced, Alison graciously accepts defeat and proclaims that Tom is a worthy winner. As they are soon to marry, she also agrees to shag him. The event is broadcast live to the nation and is preceded by a speech from the Queen. Everyone in the Big Brother production crew breathe a huge sigh of relief as viewing figures go through the roof. Tom takes his £70,000 and runs away to Mongolia. Nobody, including Alison, ever sees him again.The Site With No NameJokes, competitions and silly Shockwave gameswww.dc8p.com