In 5 minutes we were 3 feet from the guard and a single shot was fired. Silence fell on all of us. I couldn’t see what had happened but my daughter, my young Emily, saw clearly a worker at the front tremble for a moment on the spot before falling back to show a young guard holding a smoking gun. She was the first to make a sound. A long piercing scream filled the air and suddenly all of hell broke loose. The other guards began to fire randomly into the crown. One shot clipped my arm and I fell backwards. Emily fell from my shoulders under the thundering of feet running from the Palace and horseshoes flying in between. She was trampled by my own colleagues. She was trampled by fear. I lost my wife in the confusion, but I was sure she was alive and running back towards the safety of the woods. I tried to reach my Emily but I was shot again in my side so I had to run. I followed my wife and headed for the woods. As I ran I passed many, every woman I looked back on to check she was not my wife. Eventually I caught up with her. She saw I was alone and instantly knew I had not only lost Emily temporarily but that we had lost her forever. I could see the pain in her eyes and she stopped. I tried to pull her forward but she refused and swung around to go and find her body. She got no further than 10 feet when a bullet hit her squarely in the chest and she fell forward. I would have knelt by her till they killed me to but my friends dragged me back while I sobbed for the loss of both my daughter and wife.
In that day when I was supposed to gain everything, I lost it all. I now know I must do everything to get that petition to the Tsar and change life for my people. Not just for them though, for my wife and daughter to.
Diary Extract of a Newly Recruited Soldier on Bloody Sunday
Monday 10th January 1905
I never thought it would be like this. I joined the Russian Army only two days ago and had never held a loaded gun and shot at a target before let only shot a person. I thought by joining I would help fight for my country, not against it. So many people, husbands, wives, mothers, daughters, fathers and sons, all murdered, some by me.
I got home last night, wet and cold, and just sat down and I haven’t moved since. It was only yesterday, but it seems like its been years and I still can’t move.
I was mounted on my horse with the rest of my group. There was a large crowd of workers marching towards us but we were not afraid. Why should we be? They were singing and laughing as they came towards us. They were obviously not coming to attack the palace and we all stayed very calm. We were under strict orders to tell the oncoming assembly of workers coming to present their petition that Tsar Nicholas II was not at the Winter Palace at the moment and that they should all return to their homes. The Tsar was actually in St Petersburg at the time so it was the truth. At this point I didn’t feel I could lie to my people so I was happy the Tsar was really out. We told them they were here for nothing and to go back to their villages, but either they could not hear us over their voices or they could but chose to ignore our words.
We fanned out in a large arc that covered all angles of the palace so no one could get through. I was three horses away from our general and could see he was steadily becoming more and more frustrated at being ignored. He is a very proud man with a horrid temper. If he is talking you had better be listening unless you want to be sleeping outside that night. We then began to slowly edge forward in an attempt to stop the workers. But they kept on coming. Our troops kept shouting the Tsar was not in but they still paid no attention. I looked over at the general and I saw him shout something but none of us really understood what he said. One of the men thought he said warning shots so we all fired a rally of shots into the sky.
Even though some of the wives and children screamed the men stood firm and continued forward. Some of the singing died down but not all. Many of the children tried to run backwards towards safety but only to meet a solid unbreakable wall of men who kept driving forward.
The soldier between the general and myself was trembling. I must admit the crowd had become quite intimidating in the space of 15 minutes. It was he who fired the first shot. One of the workers had come within three feet of him and would not change is course. The soldier panicked and did the only thing he felt he could in the situation. Shot the man down.
There was a moment of shocked silence. Others along our barrier thought the general had ordered to begin firing so began themselves. I was yelling to them not to, there was no need but they could no longer hear me, and this time not because of the singing but due to the din of shot after shot ripping through the flesh of the workers and their families.
The general, always one for a battle set his horse into action and galloped into the crowd and started slashing with his sword. Everyone followed. I stood watching until the general turned around and yelled for me to help or he would treat me as one of the workers. I began to shoot blindly into the crowd. I didn’t realise how stupid that was, there was always someone there to receive my shot.
After a while I saw a sight that meant I just had to get out of there. I couldn’t stay there anymore, I just had to leave. I swung my horse around and galloped off. The general saw me and fired a single shot at me and it ripped through my leg. I yelled in pain but I still couldn’t stop. I will always remember though, my last sight of that battle. The faces of my mother and father, upturned as they lay in the mud, being trampled on by horses and with red stains blossoming from shot gun wounds to their chests. I assisted in killing my own parents. .
