It’s strange, I suppose, because I always look forward to the first lesson of the year. Especially this year because we have a new teacher called Mr. Pennyfeather. We haven’t seen him yet, none of us, so we don’t know what he’ll be like. Thank G-d it’s not Doctor Fagan, we already played the Tangent joke on him. He’ll be all wised-up, although I doubt he’ll remember us. About my school: It’s a boarding school, a small one, with twenty classes of ten exactly. It’s called The Prendergast and Fagan Academy For Boys and Young Men (PFAFeB). What a long name for such a small school. They made it like that to sound more important than it really is. To attract rich men’s sons to the school, because wouldn’t it sound grand if Lord Whatsisname was saying his son went to ‘That Estimable School, The Prendergast and Fagan Academy For Boys and Young Men’. That would, in turn, attract more rich men’s sons to the school, and so you see, the cycle continues. So far, it hasn’t happened. Doctor Fagan was dreadful disappointed about it – because I heard all this from a private conversation that I was not supposed to hear that I did…by mistake of course.
The first class of the day lasts until eleven o’ clock. Mr. Pennyfeather was a bit of a disappointment really; he only shouted at us once about the Tangent Game and then set us this totally irrelevant essay that I wrote 9 sides on. ‘ PFAFeB and Why It Is A Senseless Name’ was its title. I’m almost proud of that. Then comes in Captain Grimes, and gives Pennyfeather some whispered advice, a walking stick, and leaves. Captain Grimes is my favourite teacher, because he’s a bit naughty really – he gave Clutterbuck some cigars. Prendergast was gassing about it in assembly. Captain Grimes didn’t even fall for the Tangent Game – he sussed us out, immediately. I respect him for that.
Next comes lunchtime, and with it my own little discussion with Fact. You see, I have a problem with it. What is a fact? Teachers are supposed to teach us facts, but Pennyfeather didn’t. That’s where the whole idea of the Tangent Game came from: Am I, in fact, Tangent. The answer is no. Are any of my friends and associates called Tangent? NO. But they say they are! So, how can you differentiate? I am more a Tangent then the others, because I made it up, but, in fact, my name is Llewellyn. And, in fact, Tangent is a mathematical topic, or something loosely connected with the real Llewellyn. So, you see my dilemma – sometimes I spend all lunch deep in conversation with the laws of philosophical Fact.
After lunch, its Captain Grimes’ lesson. Only, Captain Grimes isn’t there so Doctor Fagan took it. Boring. Doctor Fagan thinks he’s a good teacher, but, in fact, he isn’t. Nobody understands him and he just bores us all to death, teaching us words like telepathic and psyche. We think he’s a bit strange really, but then we don’t know the facts, do we? That lesson finishes at four o’clock and then we have Physical Education for three hours. There are so few teachers that we make it up as we go along, with three other classes. Prendergast stares at us dispiritedly, as Clutterbuck makes a fool of himself on the athletics field.
At seven o’clock ends another day in the life of Tangent. A day that has been thoroughly dissected and analysed, the facts stated. The Tangent Game provided another outlet to mess around with reality, and fact, and all in all the year started well, in my strictly immaterial opinion.
