Using Counselling skills

Sacha Samms

Derwentside College 43113

NCFE Counselling Skills and Theory

Before I started I went over a contract and I told Jillian how I was using the content of the session to write an assignment for the course that I am doing at college and that only myself, my course tutor and maybe an outside assessor for the course would see what was written about the session and that she could read the assignment before I showed anyone else. I stated that almost everything that was said to me would be confidential, although working along the B.A.C.P ethical guidelines, confidentiality may have to be broken if it became clear that serious harm may be caused to others or herself. We agreed that this would be a one off session that would last around 30 minutes.

I explained a little about Person-Centred counselling to Jillian, I explained that counselling is a way of using a relationship, in this case between myself (acting as the counsellor) to facilitate the development of the Jillian (the client). It works on the assumption that if I am able to offer Jillian a relationship characterised by empathy, acceptance and genuineness, and if Jillian is able to perceive and appreciate these qualities, then she will feel safe enough to disclose hidden aspects of her self which could be upsetting to her. The fact that I can accept these previously hidden parts of Jillian’s self (unconditional positive regard), helps her to accept them too.

The counselling took place in Jillian’s home. Jillian stated that she had been thinking of a subject to talk about and had decided that she would like to talk about the relationship she has with Tony a man who she calls her boyfriend but who is married to and lives with some one else and also has two children with the person he is married to. Jillian states that she would very much like to talk about this as she feels that she can’t discuss it with many other people as they may think what she is doing is ...

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Jillian started by saying that she was undecided whether or not to end the relationship with Tony as she felt that if anyone found out, it would end up hurting up his whole family, children included. I reflected feeling back to Jillian. Here is an example of what was said;

J: I’m in two-minds whether or not to finish it altogether, imagine how the kids would feel if they found out, everyone would get hurt.

S: So you’re feeling unsure as what to do, whether to end the relation ship or not. (reflecting feeling)

J: Yes, I want to keep seeing him but I don’t want anyone getting hurt, but I suppose his wife will find out eventually anyway. (response)

Jillian talked about being mixed up and not being able to decide if she really wanted a relationship or if she was just scared of being alone. I paraphrased this back to Jillian.

J: I don’t think I want a proper relationship, I mean I don’t love him and sometimes it feels like he’s just using me for sex, but I don’t want to finish it because then I would be totally on my own.

S: Some times you think that Tony might be using you, but you don’t want to end it altogether, in fear of being on your own. (paraphrase)

J: I know its stupid really, I’m living by myself anyway, it’s the thought that if I finish it altogether and then later I want someone else, I might not be able to get anyone again at my age. (response to the paraphrase)

I challenged Jillian part way through the counselling session, I felt it was appropriate to do so and it was worded right as to not offend her, which I feel could have easily be done when challenging Jillian especially when she had stated earlier in the session that she didn’t fell she could talk to many people about her problem in fear of being judged.

J: I mean what can I do? I don’t want to ask him to leave her, I know he probably would but…(said when smiling)

S: So although your smiling when you say that, I get the feeling that this upsets you. (challenge)

J: Yeh it does, I don’t know why I’m smiling. I think that it might be because if I don’t smile I’ll probably cry. (response)

Throughout the interview I adopted the SOLER position whilst maintaining eye contact and using minimal hand movements. I summarised towards the end of the 30-minute session, picking out and reflecting back to Jillian things that were said during the time. I asked Jillian about her thoughts and feelings on the session and if she thought it had helped her and this was her reply;

“I feel as though it has helped a lot being able to talk to someone about this, especially knowing that it was going to be confidential, see with my friends it wouldn’t have been like that and it was nice not to watch what I was saying and worrying what people thought of me. It’s really helped.”

I feel I demonstrated unconditional positive regard (acceptance) by being non-judgemental and warm towards Jillian. Even though I may not have approved of what she was doing I did not allow her behaviours to influence adversely my regard for her.

I demonstrated genuineness (congruence) by my general manner towards Jillian. I did not pretend or simulate responses towards Jillian, I feel that I was sincere towards her and that she was able to trust me because of this.

I empathised with Jillian and tried to look at her situation from her point of view, hopefully showing an understanding of her feelings and thoughts helping her to focus more clearly on her underlying feelings which in turn allowed her to move forward and make progress.

Overall I feel the session went well.