Verbal Communication

Signs of ineffective attending

• little eye contact, stiff or slouched posture
  
• robot-like verbal/non-verbal gestures
  
• cutting off client, topic jumping
  

Paraphrasing

• Get the basic message the client expressed
  
• Rephrase but in fewer words and check that this is accurate
  

Signs of ineffective paraphrasing

• parroting exactly what the client says
  
• using bigger or more words than the client used
  
• adding judgement
  
• power struggle / debating with the client
  
• disagreement from the client about the paraphrase

Reflecting Feelings

• What are the feelings and the intensity the client is expressing?
  
• How do the feelings relate to what the person has said/done?
  
• Respond in a way that captures feelings, intensity, and relationship
  "You seem to be (angry/happy/sad/afraid) because of . . ."
  

Signs of ineffective reflecting of feelings

• paraphrasing content only and not the feeling
  
• saying "I understand."
  
• using feeling words of different intensity than client's
  
• psychobabble
  
• adding judgmental interpretations or content

Reframing

• Notice a down-played positive
  
• Frame a response that uses a more positive view
  "you seem to be glad to be out of that bad situation."
  
• check the client's response to the reframe
  

Signs of ineffective reframing:

• using the word "but"
  
• offering the reframe as the only or "best" view
  

Confrontation

• Identify a strong contradiction in client's behavior between two or more behaviors, feeling and behavior, the client's self reported feelings and how others would typically feel.
  
• Use a non-confrontational response that reflects the contradiction
  "Although your drinking scares you, you keep doing it."
  
• Await the client's response and use that to problem solve.
  
• Let it go.
  

Signs of ineffective confrontation

• adding judgement
  
• client shuts down
  

Self-Disclosure

If you do choose to self-disclose, ask yourself these questions:

• Has this person received enough support to make his/her own decision?
  
• Is it appropriate to shift the focus away from the client?
  
• Do I self-disclose this with many clients?
  
• Is this for me or the client?
  

Summarizing and Closing

• Identify major points - behaviors, thoughts, and feelings - that have been discussed
  
• Pull it all together - you're weaving a tapestry
  
• Check that the client agrees with the summary
  

Signs of ineffective summarizing and closure:

• client balks, saying that you've missed the point
  
• client leaves without acknowledging an understanding
  

Giving Information Simply

• Use the same language the client uses
  
• Don't be too technical, we're real people
  

Essential Concepts 

• Feelings first
• You can't take away or fix feelings
• articulate the non-verbal
• Third-Personing
• "this is hard for people"
• To the Nth Degree
• "what is the worst thing that could happen?"
• Offer Options, Not Directives
• "some people do . . ."
• "If . . .then statements" - "What will be the consequences if you..."
• You are not the Target
• People need to vent
• Who's In Charge
• Detachment
• Be Tentative
• Rapport Building