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Prsentation: Mon Sjour au Canada

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  • Essay length: 727 words
  • Submitted: 06/02/2010
  • Reviewed by: (?) medbh4805
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GCSE French

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The first 200 words of this essay...

Présentation : Mon Séjour au Canada

Je vais vous parler de mon expérience avec l'orchestre de mon collège.

Je joue de la clarinette dans l'orchestre de mon collège. C'est un peu difficile et ennuyeux, mais nous nous amusons aussi. Nous faisons les expériences passionnantes, par exemple, l'année dernière, on est allé à Birmingham pour un concours de musique. Mais maintenant je vais vous parler de notre séjour au Canada.

Nous sommes allés au Canada en Octobre l'année dernière. On a dû se lever à quatre heures du matin, pour commencer le voyage. C'était trop tôt, mais cela en valait la peine ! Nous avons pris l'avion et le vol a duré sept heures ! C'était très long, et je ne l'ai pas beaucoup aimé. Nous y sommes restés pour une semaine et nous sommes restés chez des familles très généreuses. Je suis resté avec deux familles qui étaient super !

Pendant que nous étions au Canada, nous avons fait beaucoup d'activités. Puisque nous sommes un orchestre, naturellement on a fait beaucoup de concerts, ce qui était un peu ennuyeux. Nous avons retrouvé nos amis canadiens et nous avons fait le

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Review of essay

Reviewed by: medbh4805

Rating: 3 star(s)

Response to the question

The candidate has produced a short, succinct essay detailing his/her experiences traveling to Canada with his/her school orchestra in good French. The candidate gives some background information to the trip and the school orchestra, and mentions some trips s/he has been on before. There is a clear structure to the essay, however it could be improved with greater elaboration and the language used is perhaps a bit too simple for a high mark.

Level of analysis

The candidate’s writing follows a clear structure and s/he has given a decent account of what his/her trip to Canada.However there are many places where the candidate could have elaborated further, for example we aren’t told very much about what they did in Canada, besides attending concerts and « nous avons fait le tourisme ». The candidate could improve this essay immensely simply by writing in more detail about what s/he did while in Canada. The candidate gives his/her opinions throughout the piece, and while this is good, often s/he relies on simple phrases such as « C’était très amusant et intéressant ». Candidates aiming for very high marks should try to use more sophisticated language where possible.

Quality of writing

The French is accurate throughout, and the candidate uses a range of tenses as well as competently using accusative pronouns. S/he also successfully deploys more complex language such as « cela en valait la peine ». As stated above the language used is often too simplistic for a candidate who should be aiming for high marks. Making full use of your vocabulary and knowledge of syntax will make your work much more impressive to the examiner by showing your full competence in French.

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