Candice Sleight 12E
Tourisme en France
En dernières années, l’industrie du voyage a grandi rapidement. En 2006, la France
a attiré plus de 76 millions de touristes étrangers, une augmentation de 4,2%
comparée de 2005. Ceci a peut être a l’amélioration des conditions vivantes et aux
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Peer Reviews
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Quality of writing
The candidate has used a few different tenses in this essay, although only le passé composé and le présent. At GCSE for high marks a candidate should attempt to use a range of different tenses, including but not limited to le futur and l’imparfait. There are quite a few grammatical mistakes throughout the essay, such as « qui est considère », in which the past participle « consideré » should be used to form the passive, as well as « le musée plus populaire », which should be « le musée le plus populaire », as the definite article should always be repeated when forming the superlative. There are also mistakes relating to the gender of nouns e.g. « du France » instead of « de la France », as « France » is feminine, and misspellings e.g. « parque », instead of « parc » - one assumes the student also studies Spanish. Ensure that you proofread your work before submitting it, and if you are unsure about any aspect of grammar consult your textbook or ask your teacher for help.
Level of analysis
The candidate has discussed the various attractions that France offers to tourists and has also included a personal anecodote about a holiday in France. The level of analysis and expression of opinions is at a level appropriate to a GCSE essay of the this type. However, while the candidate has included some statistics (thereby showing evidence of research), the candidate could have included more material, perhaps by incorporating interesting facts taken from French travel websites, such as www.france-voyage.com. This would bring the essay up to a very high standard.
Response to question
The candidate has addressed the task directly and has produced a succinct and mostly well written short essay on tourism in France. The candidate has also included his/her personal experiences of travelling in France and has expressed his/her opinions on the subject. The essay needs better structuring – there is no clear introduction and the conclusion is one line long. Structuring your essay well will make your opinions and narrative much easier to follow.