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writing exam french healthy lifestyle

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Introduction

� mon opinion je suis assez en bonne sant� parce que j'ai tendance � manger correctement et je fais de l'exercice souvent. La sant� est tr�s importante, parce que vous devez manger �quilibr� et faire un de l'activit� physique pour la forme et �viter l'ob�sit� et les autres probl�mes de sant�. Pour garder ma bonne forme je fais du sport r�guli�rement et je manger �quilibr�. Au petit d�jeuner normalement je mange du pain et je bois du th� au lait. � midi, je ne mange pas rien parce que � 'la cantine c'est trop cher. En revanche normalement je mange un sandwich au fromage pour mon d�jeuner quand je retourn� � la maison. ...read more.

Middle

J'ai des petites faiblesses, par exemple j'adore le chocolat, mais en g�n�ral je n'ai pas des mauvaises habitudes. Pour rester en forme, il est bon de faire de l'exercice. Je marche aussi souvent que possible. Je fais aussi du sport tous les jours. J'ai pratiqu� beaucoup d'activit�s diff�rentes comme la gymnastique, le tennis et l'athl�tisme. Mais ce que j'ai toujours pr�f�r� c'est la danse. J'aime nager parce que c'est �nergique mais je ne peux pas nager maintenant parce que c'est tr�s trop cher pour moi et c'est tr�s loin. Cette ann�e je n'ai pas beaucoup de temps parce que j'ai des examens et beaucoup de devoirs, mais j'esp�re que je pourrai faire plus de sport d'ici quelques mois. ...read more.

Conclusion

Personnellement je ne bois pas et je ne fume pas, mais je crois que les gens ont le droit s'ils veulent. Les adolescents sont attir�s pas la drogue parce qu'ils aiment exp�rimenter. Je me semble que l'alcool est bien plus dangereux parce que l'alcool contient beaucoup de calories et �a fait grossir et on risque des maladies de foie. La drogue est ill�gale je n'en prendrai jamais. J'essaie d'avoir une vie active et saine. Je pense que je suis en forme. Hopefully when I am older, I will do many more sports. After my exams I want to start playing football and go cycling more around my town, this will help me maintain a healthy lifestyle. ...read more.

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Response to the question

The author has written a piece about healthy lifestyle, although they have particularly focussed on healthy food. They have also mentioned exercise, drugs, smoking and sleep. They have talked a lot about what they eat and what exercise they do, ...

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Response to the question

The author has written a piece about healthy lifestyle, although they have particularly focussed on healthy food. They have also mentioned exercise, drugs, smoking and sleep. They have talked a lot about what they eat and what exercise they do, although I would have talked more about the importance of being healthy in general – they have mentioned ‘éviter l’obésité et les autres problèmes de santé’ - avoiding obesity and other health problems, but I would have also discussed social issues such as peer pressure causing young people to become too thin, problems associated with addiction to drugs, lung cancer from smoking, and the long term effects to health caused by obesity, for example heart problems. They have briefly considered wider health issues, but could have gone into more detail in order to produce a well-rounded essay.

Level of analysis

The author has discussed their own habits, including their diet and fitness, in order to come to the conclusion that they are healthy, but will do more exercise in future. They have discussed the attraction of drugs and alcohol to other young people and suggested the negative effect of this on their health. They have mentioned that some of the food they eat could be unhealthy, for example fatty, sugary fast food, but I would have gone into more detail about the chance of obesity and long term problems with the heart in order to analyse the healthiness of the author’s diet further. They say that exercise is important – ‘il est bon de faire de l’exercice’ – and then say that they do exercise every day, then directly contradict this by describing sports they used to do, but no longer do due to the expense and distance away. I would have instead said that I used to be healthy, but have unfortunately slipped into bad habits by not doing enough exercise – J'étais en bonne forme, mais, malheureusement, est tombé dans mauvaises habitudes en ne faisant pas assez d'exercice. This makes more sense, and could be embellished by adding examples. The writer has used a wide range of vocabulary such as ‘surtout’ and ‘faiblesses’, as well as using synonyms to avoid repeating words – ‘En revanche’ and ‘Par contre’, croire, sembler, and penser – which makes the piece less repetitive. However, I would have used more synonyms for ‘manger’, for example ‘consommer’, ‘diner’, and ‘prendre un repas’. They have usually used complex vocabulary correctly and in appropriate places, although at times have not quite phrased things right, for example ‘je manger équilibré’ doesn’t make sense, and I would have instead said ‘je mange des choses saines’.

Quality of writing

They have used several tenses, including the present, perfect, present passive, simple future, and conditional. In order to describe situations in the past, it would have been better to use the imperfect tense, although at GCSE this is less of an issue. The writer has used words such as ‘cela’ and ‘ça’, and pronouns are usually in the correct places (with a few mistakes such as ‘je mange quelque fois’, which should have been ‘je le mange quelque fois’). There are a few other mistakes, for example ‘faire un de l’activité physique’, in which the ‘un’ is unnecessary, but for the most part the grammar is good and the passage as a whole makes sense. There are several missed opportunities to use connectives (for example, I would have changed ‘Le goût ne me plait pas du tout. C’est beaucoup trop amer pour moi.’ to ‘Le goût ne me plait pas du tout, parce que c’est beaucoup trop amer pour moi.), and the many short sentences prevent the piece from flowing as well as it could have. The author’s use of time expressions, adverbs, and adjectives is very good, and they have clearly tried to expand sentences where possible. They have used more complicated sentence structures such as ‘si’ clauses (‘Si l’on ne dort pas assez, il est difficile de pouvoir tenir toute la journée’), demonstrating an awareness of different ways of saying things in order to make the piece more interesting and varied. Overall, their use of grammar is good, with only a few mistakes; they are capable of varying sentence structure and using synonyms; and they have a good knowledge of the various tenses required for GCSE level.


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Reviewed by dragonkeeper13 14/02/2012

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