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Cows and Governments.

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Introduction

Cows and Governments FEUDALISM: You own two cows. Your lord takes some of the milk. PURE SOCIALISM: You own two cows. The government takes them and puts them in a barn with everyone else's cows. You have to take care of all the cows. The government gives you as much milk as you need. BUREAUCRATIC SOCIALISM: You own two cows. The government takes them and puts them in a barn with everyone else's cows. They are cared for by ex-chicken farmers. You have to take care of the chickens the government took from the chicken farmers. The government gives you as much milk and as many eggs as the regulations say you should need. You and the ex-chicken farmers die of thirst or hunger. FASCISM: You own two cows. The government takes both, hires you to take care of them, and sells you the milk. PURE COMMUNISM: You own two cows. Your neighbours help you take care of them, and you all share the milk. RUSSIAN COMMUNISM: You own two cows. You have to take care of them, but the government takes all the milk. CHINESE COMMUNISM: You own two cows. The government only lets you have one, so you abandon the other in the street, where it is left for three days, before someone disposes of it. ...read more.

Middle

SCOTTISH DEMOCRACY: You own two cows. After years of campaigning and protesting, the cows are eventually given their own independent government. However, after a few months, both cows decide that in fact they were a lot better off before hand. INDIAN DEMOCRACY: You own two cows. Laws are passed dec laring cows as higher beings than humans. Two cows own you. FRENCH DEMOCRACY: You own two cows. The government decides that to promote French culture, cows must be French for at least 4 hours a day. Almost all cows are French between 2 and 6 in the morning. SOUTH AFRICAN DEMOCRACY: You own two cows. The black cow is discriminated against. Two hundred years later, the black cow ejects the white cow forcibly from its prominent position in its field, and steals its grass. The black cow feels sorry for the white cow and invites it back. They both live in perfect harmony for the rest of their lives. COLUMBIAN DEMOCRACY: You own two cows. A vicious milk gang forces you to withdraw all the milk you can from your cows at gun-point, then forces you to milk them again as soon as another withdrawal can be made, whereupon they shoot you and your cows. ...read more.

Conclusion

Eventually you expand your cow empire to the restaurant sector, setting up an international burger bar chain, using packaging produced in a third world country by starving infants. You finally globalise all cultures, establishing an international Mc Language and take over the world. Bwahahahaaaa... HONG KONG CAPITALISM: You own two cows. You sell three of them to your publicly-listed company, using letters of credit opened by your brother-in-law at the bank, then execute a debt / equity swap with associated general offer so that you get all four cows back, with a tax deduction for keeping five cows. The milk rights of six cows are transferred via a Panamanian intermediary to a Cayman Islands company secretly owned by the majority shareholder, who sells the rights to all seven cows' milk back to the listed company. The annual report says that the company owns eight cows, with an option on one more. Meanwhile, you kill the two cows because the fung shiu is bad. ENVIRONMENTALISM: You own two cows. The government bans you from milking, killing, feeding or touching them. They consequently die. You are thrown in prison for crimes against the earth ... man. FEMINISM: You own two cows. They get married and adopt a veal calf. SURREALISM: You own two giraffes. The government requires you to take harmonica lessons. TOTALITARIANISM: You own two cows. The government takes them and denies they ever existed. Milk is banned. ...read more.

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