I threw my note cards aside, took a deep breath, and proceeded with an impromptu speech. Here is the transcript of it:
“Good Afternoon, fellow classmates. Will those of you with last names that lie towards the end of the alphabet raise your hands? You, my friends, are subjects of alphabetic discrimination. As a ‘Wong’, I, too suffer from this misfortune. How? We are placed last on lists. We are made to wait longest. We are always called up last. We, my friends, are not given an equal opportunity to thrive in this society.
Take today’s assignment as an example. Originally, I had prepared a speech on sexual discrimination, but by the time it was my turn to speak, 6 of you had already spoken about the subject. So what may have been an interesting speech would have driven you all to sleep. You see, I did not have a fair chance at this assignment. I was alphabetically disadvantaged. And this isn’t the first time that it has happened.
Alphabetic discrimination haunts its victim from early childhood. In Primary one, teachers seat pupils alphabetically from the front to the back, to ease their task of recalling names. Thus, short sighted Zimmerman gets stuck in the back row, unable to copy the ABCs from the blackboard correctly. He may think he is lucky that insensitive Mrs. Adams asks him less questions than the front row people, yet he will eventually encounter problems and will receive lower SAT scores. Placed last on the register, Zimmerman is used to being called on last. He develops a habit of imitating what others before him have done. He is easily pressurized by his peers. He fears speaking in public. He becomes a follower instead of a leader.
At graduation, the A,B and Cs proudly march on stage, greeted by enthusiastic wolf whistles and applause. But as Zimmerman strides up to collect his certificate, the wild crowd had been subdued. Most people are sucking on Vicks and nursing their red palms.
When applying for a job, Zimmerman’s application will be placed at the bottom of the alphabetic ordered pile. Thus, although he may be better qualified than the chosen applicant, the employer may have decided to hire someone else by the time he reaches ‘L’. Now, poor old Zimmerman has no job. And as the age-old saying goes, “No job, No money, No girl”. In desperation he logs on to and online dating database to find a companion, But this also proves disappointing. For who chooses the Zs first when given an alphabetical list
My fellow classmates, the hypothetical example I have just given you can be backed up by evidence too. Of the past 10 American Presidents, 7 have had last names in the 1st half of the alphabet. 6 out of 7 heads of government of the G7 countries are alphabetically advantaged – Belusconi, Blair, Bush, Chirac, Chretien and Koizumi. The world’s five richest men are Albrecht, Allen, Buffett, Ellison and Gates.
I hope i have made my case and brought your awareness to this silent, yet nefarious form of discrimination. Perhaps we should stop sorting this out in alphabetical order. This is one form of discrimination we must tackle to give everyone in this world Equal Opportunities. Thank you.”
