Jews believe that a body should be honoured in death as it was in life. For this reason, it is never left unattended from the time of death to the burial. Those who sit with the body have the job of preparing the body for the burial and caring for the body. This period of time is known as the aninut. Those people who do this job are known as the shomerim which, translated, means guards or keepers. It is of great importance to respect the dead so when in the presence of the body, you are not allowed to eat, drink, or perform any positive commandments (which the shomerim are exempt from anyway so they can focus all their attention on the preparations). To carry out every day tasks that the dead can no longer undertake is considered to be mocking and disrespectful. The shomerim consists of friends of the deceased or sometimes communities have an organization whose job it is to do this. This group is known as the chevra kaddisha or the holy society. Their work is considered very commendable as they are performing services that can never be repaid. However the shomerim cannot be made up of the kohein, close family members as they must be left in solitude, with no outside visits or phone calls so that they can fully express their grief.
A dead body is considered impure. Anyone who has been in the presence of a dead body must wash their hands before entering a home. This is not because the body is considered unclean, as you must do this whether you have touched the body or not. It is because they are spiritually impure and one must therefore symbolically remove the impurities.
In order to prepare for the burial, the body is thoroughly cleaned. The body is then wrapped in a simple white linen shroud. The tombstone is also plain. Coffins are not required but if they are to be used, they should have holes in them so that the body comes in contact with the earth. In order not to differentiate between those who in life were rich or poor, the procedure is the same for all. Jews believe that in death everyone is equal and no one is to be treated or honoured greater than anyone else.
At a funeral, the body is never displayed. Jewish law forbids this as it is considered to be an act of disrespect. This is because it allows both friends and enemies to see the body, enabling those who dislike the deceased to mock their helplessness.
Law requires a tombstone for all the dead. This is to make sure that no one is forgotten. In some Jewish communities, it is customary to keep the tombstone veiled until the twelve-month mourning period is over. This is because some Jews believe that the deceased will not be forgotten during the year when he/she is being mourned for every day. It is also customary to have an unveiling ceremony when the tombstone is to be revealed.
The process of mourning in the Jewish religion can be broken down into sections. The first is called the aninut. This is from the time of death until the burial. The mourners are called onan, which means immediate mourner. During this time the family is left alone to mourn and the shomerim prepare the body.
After the burial, a close relative or friend prepares a special meal for the immediate family of the deceased. This is called the se’udat havra’ah, which means the meal of condolence. This meal consists of eggs, which symbolise life and bread. Only the family can eat it. Friends are not allowed. Now that the burial is over, visitors and phone calls are permitted. The mourners are no longer called onan but avelim, meaning a prolonged mourner.
The next period of mourning is called Shiva. This lasts for one week as Shiva means seven. This is the most intensive period of mourning. The parents, children, siblings and spouses of the deceased observe this week. All these people gather in the house of the deceased and are forbidden to leave it unless it is absolutely necessary. Three times each day friends and members of the synagogue will come to the house to pray with the avelim. During these prayers, the men will recite Kaddish, which is a prayer about God’s greatness and for the coming age of universal peace. During the week, mourners must sit on low stools or on the floor. They cannot wear leather shoes, cannot shave or cut their hair. They cannot wear make up, cannot work and cannot do anything for comfort such as washing and wearing clean clothes. Also, they can only study Torah when it is related to death and mourning. They must also cover the mirrors. They must do these things to make themselves as uncomfortable as possible. This is because death is not a happy occasion and therefore all those who are mourning the dead should not be allowed to feel happy or relaxed. During this time, friends can visit and talk with the mourners. It is customary for the visitors to bring food such as ready cooked meals for the mourners, so that they do not have to worry about cooking and can concentrate fully on mourning their loved one. The Sabbath day, which occurs during Shiva, is not a day of mourning. This is also true when a festival takes place during Shiva. Mourning is delayed until it is over.
The next period of mourning is called Shloshim. This means thirty and lasts until thirty days after the burial. The mourners do not sit on the low stools and can live normal lives, but they are still forbidden to cut their hair. They can go back to work but cannot go to any places of entertainment.
Only the parents observe the last period. It is called avelut and lasts until the first anniversary of the death. They live normal lives but cannot go to parties, theatres or other celebrations. Once the year is up. The family must go back to living completely normal lives. They must however, on the anniversary of the death by reciting Kaddish and reading the Torah in the synagogue. They must also light a candle, which will burn for twenty-four hours in honour of the dead.
In conclusion, I feel that from my own personal perspective, I perceive there to be both strengths and weaknesses within the Jewish practices around death and mourning. The fact of there being a collective understanding in terms of ritual, practice, expectations and undertaking must in itself provide a strong sense of emotional security and support. Everyone knows their role and what is expected of them within a day-to-day framework. It is a shared experience, one in which no one is alone. However, there seems to be inflexibility within the mourning process, which perhaps does not allow for individual response and needs. The expectation that within the space of a week one will be emotionally ready to return to normality, seems to limit the possibilities in terms of differing ways and time-scales in terms of dealing with loss. On a personal level, I would the rigidity of the process, particularly in terms of the time-scales, inhibiting. Perhaps I would feel unable to express my grief when needed because the expectations of others are dictated by ritual rather than by personal feelings.
