Marriage and divorce in Christianity and Islam.

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The institution of marriage is found in all cultures and societies at all times in history.

Marriage regulates relations between the sexes in all known forms of society and governs the status and education of children within the community.

Marriage is needed to progress the human race - to prevent incest. So siblings don't end up having sexual relations.

Most people aspire to have a family, and this is only possible through a marriage.

Marriage is a solemn contract between a man and a woman who share love together.

Christians and non-Christians can be married in a registrar office (registry) thus making the marriage civil however Christians are expected to marry in church.

Some Free Church ministers are not allowed to perform marriages therefore they must ask a registrar to attend the service and sign certain documents. However, most ministers of Christianity are allowed to perform marriages.

Marriage is a rite of passage. A rite of passage is a ceremony associated with major moments of transition in the life cycle:

- Birth

- Puberty

- Mating

- Death

And marriage is a rite of passage associated with mating, because it is the only means where sexual acts are allowed to take place i.e. sex after marriage

In the Old Testament the institution of marriage went through a number of developments, one of which is that it became monogamous. The essential teaching of the Old Testament is that marriage is the duty of every man so as to perpetuate his family name. The family of which marriage is the basis. The New Testament took the essential teaching of the Old Testament and deepened it. The passages in the New Testament that deal with marriage put the emphasis on married life. Divorce is a failure of the marriage relationship and is therefore to be shunned. Jesus regarded divorce and remarriage as essentially to be deplored.

The teachings and traditions of Christianity can vary in different regions. However, western Christendom teaches that marriage has three purposes:

- The procreation and nurture of children

- Mutual help and comfort

- And a remedy against sin

The teaching of the Roman Catholic Church regards marriage as a contract in which each of the partners gives the other an exclusive and permanent right to his or her body for proper sexual purposes. According to a catechism published by the Catholic Truth Society in 1985:

"Marriage is the sacrament in which a baptised man and woman vow to belong to each other in a permanent, exclusive, sexual partnership of loving, mutual care, concern and shared responsibility in the hope of having children and bringing up a family."

The properties of a Christian marriage are unity and indissolubility in which the good of the offspring, of the faith, and of the sacrament, are safeguarded. A sacrament is an action that is believed to channel the blessing and presence of God. The outward action has an inner invisible meaning. In the Catholic and Orthodox Churches are seven:

- Baptism

- Confirmation

- The Eucharist

- Penance

- Extreme unction

- Ordination

- And finally marriage

It can be argued that the Roman Catholic Church is reasonably strict in its rules and regulations when it comes marriage and other and issues such as abortion etc. However it is still the largest division of Christianity.

The Roman Catholic Church opposes civil marriages and commonly teaches that compulsory civil ceremonies are offensive both to religion and to the natural law, because it regards a civil marriage as not a real marriage.

The final sacrament of a Catholic's life is marriage. But marriage can only be conceived in a church if one or both of the people receiving the sacrament of marriage has had in this order:

- Baptised

- Been in a communion

- Is a confirmed Catholic

The many divisions of Christianity have different interpretations of marriage. For example, the Protestant Church does not regard marriage as a sacrament but do recognise that God has instituted it. The same applies to the Baptist Church. They regard it as a covenant (an agreement between two people).

Whereas it is only the Roman Catholic and Orthodox Church that regard marriage as a sacrament, but all traditions agree that it is a lifelong commitment. It ensures companionship and provides a secure and loving environment for children. It is therefore an indissoluble bond (if it is regarded as a sacrament).

It is a lifelong commitment between people who have vowed to each other before God and witnesses:

"to love and cherish

for better for worse,

for richer for poorer

in sickness and health

till death do us apart."

Before a marriage can take place, the couple are prepared by the minister to recognise the seriousness of marriage. They should forsake all others and bring integrity, loyalty and fidelity to their union. The purpose of marriage is to find fulfilment with a lifelong partner and to raise children.

The Marriage Ceremony

Across the many different forms of Christianity the common elements of the marriage are that it is a public declaration (which means that society is somehow involved); a forming of a new family unit; and the partners to commit themselves to one another for life when vows are exchanged.

The four basic parts to the marriage service are:

- The minister establishes that the couple are free to marry and no one has any lawful objection

- The couple give their consent to each other

- The couple exchange marriage vows

- The couple exchange rings as symbols of fidelity (this custom is usual but not essential)

- The couple are proclaimed as husband and wife

- The minister blesses the union in God's name

- To make the marriage legal, a register is signed

The marriage vows:

The marriage vows are the most important part of the ceremony. This is technically what marries you.

The minister says to the bridegroom:

"X, will you take Y to be your wife? Will you love her, comfort her, honour and protect her, and, forsaking all others, be faithful to her as long as you both shall live?"

Then the minister says the same thing to the bride.

After they both have replied, "I will", they face each other. The bridegroom says:

"I, X, take you, Y to be my wife, to have and to hold from this day forward; for better for worse, for richer for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, till death do us apart, according to God's holy law; and this is my solemn vow."

The bride says the same sort of thing back to the bridegroom, depending on the couple's attitudes towards the equality of women. Because in some wedding services, instead of saying "...to love and to cherish..." they say "...to love, cherish and obey..." Some people argue that this is sexist but it depends on the couple's attitude.

Then the ring is presented, and the bridegroom says to the bride:

"I give you this ring as a sign of our marriage. With my body I honour you, all that I am I give to you, and all that I have I share with you, within the love of God, Father, Son, and Holy Spirit."

However it is interesting to note that some couples that I had given a questionnaire to pointed out that they had separate bank accounts and did not share all their belongings. Some people argue that this financial rift is due to the increasing role of women in our society.

The couple exchange rings as symbols of fidelity and it is a token of the love between the couple. The bride usually wears it but sometimes both the couple wear it. Because the ring is a circle, it is also considered as a symbol of eternity. It can symbolise the unending love between a couple.

After the exchange of ring(s), the minister performing the marriage says:

"I therefore proclaim that they are husband and wife. That which God has joined together, let not man divide."

The Orthodox Church perform their marriage services slightly differently. Because at an engagement (before the wedding) the couple exchange rings then instead of during the service. A priest blesses the couple and there is a party afterwards. However during the wedding service, volunteers hold a silver crown (known as a stefana) or a garland over the heads of the newly weds to be. These are then put on their heads, the priest blesses their future life together and sweet almonds are shared out followed by a full feast.

The Orthodox, Roman Catholic and some Anglican churches have a Eucharist after the wedding service. A Eucharist is the thanksgiving meal of the Christian Church, using bread and wine as the body and blood of Christ. It is also known as the Breaking of the Bread.

People argue that the highlight of the Western Christendom wedding is the reception. This is where rich couples tend to splash out on fancy meals etc. It gives friends and family a chance to celebrate with the couple. This idea of feasting brings people together.

As I have said before, many of the divisions of Christianity see marriage as a sacrament. The idea that the couple are joined together spiritually comes from Genesis where Adam and Eve are created. Adam says to Eve:

"At last, here is one of my own kind - Bone taken from my bone, and flesh from my flesh...a man leaves his father and mother and is united with his wife, and they become one."
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Also in the Bible, Jesus talks about this special union that God recognises between a husband and wife:

"Man must not separate, then, what God has joined together."

(Mark)

Christians argue that in a Church, God witnesses the marriage and he blesses it whereas in a registry office he doesn't.

Nowadays, the divorce rate is increasing (even though more and more people are marrying). So the church does all it can to try and save a marriage. Many Christians are deeply involved in marriage guidance counselling.

Divorce is forbidden by some Christian denominations ...

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