R.E Coursework - Sikh Marriage
R.E Coursework - Sikh Marriage
Introduction
Expect among some westernised subgroups in the larger Indian cities social mixing between the sexes is restricted, even in co-educational schools. Also, the joint or extended family system is still the Indian norm. It is in this context, which can only be referred to in passing in this piece of coursework, that Sikh marriage must be understood. Marriage, traditionally, is not a private matter between two persons. Through the couple two families become closely connected and into one family comes a stranger, the wife. She has therefore to be compatible not only with her husband but with his parents, brothers, their wives and his unmarried sisters. Ideally the marriage is based upon love, the love of both families for their offspring.
Social status and monetary advantage, if they play a part, should be subordinate considerations. Assisted marriage rather than arranged marriage is the phrase Sikhs would prefer to describe the procedure of choosing a husband or wife. The decision to marry is itself a joint one, though custom also plays its part. Among some groups there may be a tradition of marriage at fourteen or fifteen. Child marriage in the traditional Indian sense has always been repudiated by Sikhs and a 14-year-old in India can be shouldering considerable adult responsibilities. The legal limit in India now is eighteen for women and twenty-one for men, and Sikhs accept the law of the country in which they live.
The decision to seek marriage may be influenced by a number of considerations. Normally the older daughter should marry before her sisters. If the young person is undergoing higher education marriage will be deferred till after graduation. An older brother whose father has died waits until his younger brothers and sisters have received an education or training and the girls have been married. The emphasis upon family life as that which God has ordained is such that few Sikhs wish to remain single. The family assists in finding a partner. Suitability should have as its criteria virtuous qualities, temperament and age. Then, if they have any place, societal status and economic position. A final factor will be caste consideration. A Jat is likely to marry a Jat, an Arora an Arora, a Ramgarhia a Ramgarhia, but there are many exceptions. It is most important that a Sikh marries a Sikh. The true life of discipleship to the teaching of the Gurus can most completely be carried out in the householder (grihasthi) state and it is important that it is expressed in a united family. Mixed marriages are not successful in normal experience, whether the tensions be caused by conflict between town a village, wealth and poverty, laxity and piety. Kinship has a negative influence. Sikhs should marry someone whose family (got) as denoted by surname is the same at the distance of the four grandparents.
Describe a Sikh wedding ceremony
The wedding will normally take place at the bride's village and may be celebrated on the flat rooftop, in a courtyard, garden or in the gurdwara - anywhere so long as the Guru Granth Sahib is present. The groom's party, traditionally comprised only of men, but mixed in many Diaspora weddings, will have arrived in the village on the previous evening and the formal meeting (milani) of the two families will have taken place. The wedding is celebrated in the morning. The congregation gathers as if for a normal service. When Asa di Var, the morning hymn, has been sung the groom comes forward and takes his place at the foot of the Adi Granth. The bride then joins the congregation and sits at the left side of the groom attended by a friend. Whoever conducting the marriage asks the couple and their parents to stand whilst he or she prays that God will bless the marriage. A short hymn is sung which contains general advice:
The concept of Sikh marriage is explained by one of the ragis or by the officiant. Marriage is not a social contract but aims at the fusion of two souls into one. It is analogous to the union of god and man, which is the goal of Sikh piety. Various hymns give advice on marriage:
The bride and groom publicly assent to the marriage by bowing towards the Guru Granth Sahib. When they have sat down again after Ardas, the bride's father comes forward, to garland the Guru Granth Sahib, his daughter and the groom and tie ...
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The concept of Sikh marriage is explained by one of the ragis or by the officiant. Marriage is not a social contract but aims at the fusion of two souls into one. It is analogous to the union of god and man, which is the goal of Sikh piety. Various hymns give advice on marriage:
The bride and groom publicly assent to the marriage by bowing towards the Guru Granth Sahib. When they have sat down again after Ardas, the bride's father comes forward, to garland the Guru Granth Sahib, his daughter and the groom and tie the end of his daughter's dupatta to the muslin scarf which hangs from the groom's shoulders. Another hymn is sung:
The officiant now opens the Guru Granth Sahib at the Lavan of Guru Ram Das (AG 773), a hymn which he composed for use at Sikh weddings. The first verse is read and then sung by the ragis as the couple walk slowly round the Guru Granth Sahib in a clockwise direction, the groom leading. This sometimes annoys feminists and occasionally one hears of two circlings, one led by the groom the other by the bride or, rarely, none at all. They then return to their places and sit down while the second verse is read; then the circling is repeated. This happens four times. The last is often a signal for the throwing of flower petals. The service concludes with singing of the first five and the last stanzas of the Anand followed by the prayer Ardas. The Guru's counsel (vak) is taken by opening the scripture at random and the congregation is served with karah parshad. After further celebrations at the bride's home the marriage party (dholi) will leave for the groom's home in the late afternoon where the women folk will be waiting. There, as a member of his family, the bride will begin her new life.
How do the words and actions in a Sikh marriage ceremony guide Sikhs in the way they live their lives?
The four verses of the Lavan (circling) hymn have a double significance. They provide the couple with advice but they place the union within the deeper context of union with God. The first verse reads:
The significance of the verse is first the affirmation that the householder (grihasthi) stage of the four prescribed by Hinduism, is the proper one for the Sikh. In it one can become liberated through being filled with the knowledge of God (Brahm gyan), without passing along the path laid down for Hindus from student through householder to ascetic and recluse.
Secondly, this is done through meditating upon nam and knowing the bani, which is clearly set out in this verse as the teaching of the Guru. Also included are the undefined 'smirti' or devotional books to specific exclusion of the Vedas. The verse may therefore be regarded as constituting part of the third and fourth Guru's attempt to establish a coherent Sikh community. Here it is being done not only through the provision of an alternative form of marriage to that of Hindu tradition but by including in it injunctions which are specifically Sikh. The hymn's purpose is theological, not merely liturgical. It can be argued that Lavan presents a reversal of the varnashramdharma process by affirming that the path to moksha is one of deepening love, not increasing asceticism.
In the second stanza the God, the true Guru, is commended as the dispeller of fear, the soul of the universe, all-pervading but particularly present in the sangat:
In the third stage of life a Hindu detaches himself from his householder obligations and business interests to attach himself to God. The third circling reminds the Sikh of detachment, which is to be found through fellowship, the company of the sangat. This fellowship meant a great deal to the Fourth Guru especially who did much to weld the Sikhs into a cohesive panth. Here he suggests they should be grateful for a birth and destiny which have resulted in them coming within the sound of gurbani so that the longing for eternal bliss is awakened.
The final verse describes the conclusion of the journey of the soul to God. The devotee becomes filled with divine knowledge (Brahm gyan) so that sahaj, perfect bliss, is attained. The word is difficult to explain as has already been stated. Its Sikh meaning is brought out by this stanza better than any prosaic discussion. Guru Ram Das, commending married life, is quite prepared to regard it as analogous with the relationship between God and the devotee, one which in this life outwardly seems that of two distinct souls, but one in which the devotee is aware of a deeper union which death will perfect:
What is you view of arranged marriage? You must refer to Sikhism in your answer and show that you have considered other viewpoints.
To commence, let me clarify to you the meaning of the term "arranged" marriage in religion:
People frequently recognize arranged matrimonies as forced, however this is not always factual particularly when the institution is performed as a consequence of religious teaching. There is no religious conviction, including Islam and Sikhism that overlooks the bride or groom's viewpoint regarding this matter. Instead these religions instruct that for the practice of finding a match it is essential for a mature and experienced person (usually the parents or the family) to be present and assisting the process so that the risk of failing is kept to a minimum. Hence, this forced marriage objection is wholly absent in religion and only linked to traditions and customs that some communities have erroneously chosen to maintain. As a Muslim, I support the religious method of finding our significant others. However I am not in opposition to love before marriage if it is sensible i.e. excluding premarital sex or dating. In fact, as long as it is just a tiny, sweet, chaste, and mutual innermost feeling of fondness that the couple wishes to embrace by tying the knot it is fine. The only step they would need to carry out in such a condition is to enlighten their families with the news so they can arrange all. There is betrothal too if the couple senses a lack of familiarity. The couple can converse as much as they wish in this period. In view of that there is no alleged reason for dating specially that it may raise the possibility of committing serious sin fornication/adultery. Let us face the reality; what is better than a modest, kind, respectful, non-promiscuous marriage relationship? Wouldn't it discontinue doubts about the loyalty of the partner and in turns minimize the possibility of divorce? The answer is yes, and this explains why Sri Guru Granth Sahib, the Sikh scripture, puts emphasis on purity of conjugal love and why pre-marital and extra-marital relationship are rejected in Sikhism:
Bhai Gurdas writes,
" Seeing other women, do not cast a lustful eye on them, instead consider them as your mother, sister and daughter."VARAN BHAI GURDAS STEEK, BHAI GURDAS, VAR 29.11
Guru Gobind Singh is very particular about adulterous actions. He says,
"Love your own wife more and more. Touch not another woman's bed either by mistake or even in dream. Know that the love of another's wife is a sharp dagger". DASAM GRANTH, PART-11, P-842
It also explains why eastern societies today have a significantly lower rate of communicable diseases, divorce and other social problems that we may not identify with individually; however, in societies like ours we see that the break up of marriages, unwanted teen pregnancies, fatherless children, welfare, crime rates, drug abuse, mental illness and many more things are directly associated with how we START our relationships and families
If this subject matter is given just a slight more contemplation, we would soon all be with and supporting the Idea of "religious" arranged marriage as one can entitle it. Even the non-believers, because this is common sense.
The problem I see with dating is that it allows people to conduct relationship without worrying about commitment and responsibility.
In my view, that is where the trouble lies. People can simply run away from their problems. There is a mutual understanding that if one or both of the people want to break up, they can do so more easily than if they were married. Dating does not necessarily lead anywhere. It takes a long time for it to lead (if ever) to marriage. In the case of the arranged marriage system, it is much simpler - both sides know that they are actually going to be getting married. The intention is clear, whereas in dating, even bringing up the subject of marriage would be a no-no. When people are dating, they are looking for a good time. Often, it is nothing more than a brief fling. With an arranged marriage, one actually knows that Mom and Dad approve of the fiancé(e). In contrast, when two people are dating, no one can be sure that the parents will approve of that punk rocker boyfriend their daughter brings home.
Also, there is no guarantee that we actually know the person we are dating. Both people are on their best behaviour - a mask that is easy to wear, but difficult to keep on. In other words, it takes time before one eventually finds out what the person is really like.
The falsehood and deceit cannot remain concealed for long, The false appearance vanishes.
Guru IV, Gauri Rag
This is why the arranged marriage puts so much emphasis on the families knowing the person one is going to be with.
If the folks do not like the person, it is quite probable that we, ourselves, won't like them either. After all, we have grown up raised by our parents who taught us what was right and wrong - based on what they thought. We grew up with many of the same beliefs they taught us. And our parents have already been through the same experience. They DO know best.
Son, why do you quarrel with your father,
Due to him you have grown to this age?
It is a sin to argue with him.
GURU IV, SARANG RAG
The other point which is involved is what may be loosely termed a love marriage and its chances of success. It is a fact of life that when two people are dating and fall in love, they tend to overlook each other's faults. Every one of them thinks the other to be perfect. When they are married and they have to face life together, they begin to see each other's faults. Every one of us has his weaknesses and points of strength. When we approach marriage in a careful, objective manner, we are more likely to be aware of what we are bargaining for. When our approach is that of love which blinds us to the faults of the beloved, we stand a greater chance of regretting what we are doing. In many Western societies, where love is the primary factor which unites people in marriage, more than one third of marriages end up with divorce. A high percentage of marriages do not last more than two years.
In spite of this, there are still those that think the system of arranged marriages is flawed. They feel that they are forced into a decision over which they lack control. These youth worry that they will be given little choice, and that they will miss the experience of feeling "true love," or even knowing what it is.
That is what makes dating so different, so much the opposite of arranged marriages. It is a perpetual search for the perfect soul mate, one which is likely to raise more doubts than provide answers. "Is this my perfect match?" "Or is s/he out there somewhere waiting for me to dump this current prospect?" The minds of daters are clouded by this notion.
The beauty of an arranged marriage is that the emphasis is on getting along, not evaluating one another on a scale of one to ten. It is a mature relationship from the outset.
Bibliography:
Google search engine
Yahoo search engine
www.sikh.org
Sri Guru Granth Sahib
Books from public library
Varan Bhai Gurdas Steek