Unfortunately, some marriages end in divorce. In 1989, 151,000 divorces took place, and some of these are Christian marriages. It used to be quite hard to get a divorce, but because of the divorce reform act, if you can show that the marriage has reached ‘ irretrievable breakdown ‘, then you can be legally divorced. Irretrievable breakdown can mean; if the couple have been living apart for two or more years, if one of the couples has committed adultery or if there has been unreasonable behavior by either the husband or wife, such as drunkenness or violence. Insanity may also be a reason for divorce. There is some opposition to these laws though, some people think that getting a divorce is too easy and that it dissuades couples from trying to overcome their difficulties.
The Christian churches face a dilemma of how to deal with divorce. Protestant churches accept divorce. They say that Jesus teaching’s are something to be aspired to and that if the couple cannot work things out then they should be allowed a divorce. Protestant churches accept a civil divorce and allow couples divorced this way to marry again in church. This ahs not always been so however, the Church of England only changed its divorce regulations recently. It did not allow divorced couples to re-marry in church, but now couples are allowed to re-marry in church if the minister feels it is appropriate and they have the permission of the bishop. Unlike the Protestant churches, the Catholic Church totally disallows divorce. John say’s in the bible that a Christian marriage is “ Indissoluble and Irrevocable.” The Catholic Church takes these words literally and do not accept even civil divorce. They are not allowed to marry again while their husband or wife is still alive. The only viable option for a Catholic who wishes to end the marriage is to prove that the marriage was never valid in the first place. This is called an annulment. This could be for reasons such as the following; The couple never consummated the marriage ( never had sex ), one of the partners lied when making the vows, did not understand the vows or was forced into making them. Only when they can prove that one of these ‘impediments’ occurred can Catholic marriages be ended in the eyes of the church. After this, Divorced Catholics are allowed to be re-married in a church. These strict regulations on divorce mean that non-Catholics have to think carefully about marrying a catholic, the non-Catholic should fully understand what they are undertaking when marrying a catholic. The Orthodox takes the opinion that the church is allowed to grant divorces under its own authority. They allow marriage in church, but a third re-marriage is not usually allowed. They used to have a special service for divorce but now that has died out.
Faithfulness is another important part of marriage, after all, permanence without faithfulness just makes for a very unhappy married life that can only lead to divorce. There are different attitudes to faithfulness though. In certain places in the world, people, usually the man, are allowed more than one husband or wife. This is called Polygamy. The overwhelming majority of marriages however involve only two people. This is Monogamy.
The exchanging of rings applies to faithfulness as well as permanence. The rings are shared between the couple and no one else, a constant reminder during married life of their bond and how it is supposed to be; eternal. During the vows for the Christian services the couple are asked if they will “Forsaking all others, be faithful to him/her as long as you both shall live.” This is a clear a promise to be faithful as you can get, and if the couple agree to this, then they clearly intend to stay faithful and are expected to stay faithful to their spouse through out their lives. Unfortunately, people are not always faithful. When married people have sexual intercourse with someone other than their spouse, it is called adultery. Every Christian church condemns adultery for the following reasons; It breaks the commandments and goes against the teaching of Jesus, it breaks the marriage vows that the couple made when they were married, it involves deceiving ones wife or husband and so breaks the trust which is an essential part of marriage, it threatens the stable relationship between a husband and his wife, which is necessary for the security of any children in the marriage. Catholics also believe that sex is a sign of the sacrament of marriage, so extra marital sex cannot be a sign of the sacrament. In John, Chapter 8, it says explicitly “Thou shalt not commit adultery.”
Can people be in a faithful, permanent relationship without being married? There are some who think so. Co-Habitation is when a couple live together and act like a married couple without actually being married. People who do this would say that if the relationship does not work, they don’t have to go through the pain and expense of divorce, which is true. But people against it would say that it does not offer the security of marriage, and a child born in a relationship like this, their future is not secure. Another point against Co-Habitation is that Christians say that sex outside marriage is a sin and since couples living this way obviously still have sexual relations, it is, by definition, wrong.
One of the reasons for faithfulness and permanence is the security and well being of any children born in the marriage. Children are an integral part of marriage, a marriage is generally expected to produce children. Instead of just being the creation of offspring for the continuation of the human race, Christianity sees having children as the crowning glory of a marriage. It say’s in the book of Genesis, ”Be fruitful, multiply, fill the earth and conquer it.” The Catholic church states that one of the most important reasons for a man and woman marrying is the ‘procreation of children’. In the Catholic marriage service, some of the vows are, “ Are you ready to accept children lovingly from god, and bring them up according to the law of Christ and his church.” This shows that the Catholic church feels that being married means that you intend to have children, as well as making your relationship permanent. Children also give stability to the marriage and add a new dimension to it, a new family instead of just a new couple. The Catholic church has an intolerant attitude towards contraception and this is another thing to think about for non-Catholics marrying Catholics. The other Christian churches have more relaxed attitude to contraception, but almost every church believes that abortion is morally wrong.
Section 2
“ For Christians, sex is only right within marriage.”
This is an argument which first became really relevant in the 1960’s and has only become more prominent as time has gone on. The sexual revolution took part in the 1960’s, and I believe it did not conclude there. Peoples attitudes towards sex and marriage have become more and more liberal as the decades have gone by. Today, the vast majority of people have sex before marriage. Some say that this is a reflection on the bad state of our society, but I don’t. Statistics show that only 20% of the population are virgins when they marry and in my opinion this is a good thing. Firstly, people should have first hand experience of what sex is and how it feels before they are married, because if they find that they unable or unwilling to go through with consummating the marriage then you are left with a marriage that will not produce children and will not fulfil the sacrament of marriage. The supposed ‘oneness’ between husband and wife cannot be present if there is no sexual relationship. Secondly, having sex before marriage would give experience which could only make the married sexual relationship more enjoyable and fulfilling for the couple. That is not to endorse promiscuity though, there are some valid arguments for why there should not be sex before marriage, such as, sexually transmitted diseases and AIDS, the risk of unwanted pregnancies, the increasing abortion rate and the increasing number of single parent families. These are some of the reasons why people are against sex before marriage. In the U.S.A, some churches teach young people a message of ‘celibacy before marriage’. It is an important part of sex education in the U.S.A. They say that not only does it combat AIDS and S.T.D’s, but it makes the marital sex more special as you can say that you have given yourself to your spouse exclusively. They may also say that any children born outside of marriage were illegitimate and may face a dysfunctional family life as there is less security and stability in the parent’s relationship. But if the proper steps are taken to ensure that the woman does not become pregnant, then you needn’t have to deal with that occurrence anyway as there would be no child. They may say that a parent could just leave the family in a temper, whereas it takes time to get a divorce and so the parent in question would have time to think about things properly. If the people are in a co-habitation relationship, an earning partner could just leave the other without being under any obligation to pay them a penny. If they were married, at least a divorce would mean that the finances were shared out appropriately. Jesus has said that sex should be reserved for marriage, so theoretically, Christians are sinning if they have unmarried sex, but to be honest, if sex is protected and in a loving relationship, what does a piece of paper saying that you are married really matter? In the grand scheme of things, it is hurting no one and enhancing a loving relationship, so what is wrong with that? Nothing. Which is why, in my opinion, sex between Christians in a secure relationship is acceptable.
