Dangers of mobile interference. Some airlines allow the use of mobile phones on aircraft, however as of 2011 most airlines do not.

Review of essay

Rating: 4 star(s)

Response to the question

This appears to be a short homework piece about the dangers of mobile interference. The candidate has mentioned several possible effects of mobile phone interference, as well as considering the likelihood of there being interference. They have also discussed recent improvements in technology which help to reduce the risk. However, each of these areas could have been explored in much more depth - for example discussing a possible consequence of mobile phone interference with hospital equipment during an operation (with examples if possible). Despite the brief overview of the topic the essay gives, the author has clearly focussed on the question and avoided veering off-topic.

Level of analysis

The candidate has discussed the potential for mobile phone interference on planes and in hospitals, and then analysed how probable this interference is. However, they could have continued to discuss the consequences of this interference.
They have shown some understanding of the physics behind the interference - "Mobiles emit radiation that can cause nearby electrical equipment to become a radio receiver and mobiles can interact with radio transmitters" - but should have expanded on this brief description to shown they understand waves and how they interact with electrical and magnetic fields, and then mentioned the effect this would have on sensitive equipment.
They have also analysed the validity of the results of a study investigating the effect of mobile interference - and thus given their own, well supported, decision as to whether this is sufficient evidence to claim that mobile phones are causing the interference.
Their analytical skills are good, but they should expand more on their conclusions and descriptions of the science behind the interference - which is usually key to gaining high marks.

Quality of writing

The first section of the essay is very well phrased, with excellent spelling and grammar. The second half slips into a less formal tone, directly addressing the reader, but the good use of technical vocabulary continues throughout. The essay is split into two sections, separated by subtitles, each separated into smaller paragraphs for ease of reading.
Their quality of written communication is very good throughout.