John Smith Biology Project
What Makes Us Happy By John Smith
In this essay I will analysing what makes us happy and be going into vast depths as to what factors affect happiness and how certain chemicals, neurotransmitters and endorphins in the brain affects this procedure.
Firstly I will be assessing the key question; what is happiness?
We already know happiness has many forms, but what we will be going into, is what defines happiness and how do we find this out?
In order to be happy, scientists have put the ideas of many generations of people together and have come with a theory that makes us happy.
[1]To begin with we must have a goal, whereby we have a point of destination we consider worthy for our effort, this goal can be really small or really big.
Secondly, we also need to live our life with enthusiasm, optimism and honesty. Only after reaching all these areas, can we become happy people. For reaching the superior more advanced forms of happiness, such as achieving satisfaction and contentment, we require taking paths leading to a meaningful life; a life where through having goals, we will find fulfilment.
Generally the rule is that; the smaller the goal, the shorter the time of happiness, for example; buying a new car or a new home can give us a quick feeling of enjoyment but at the same time can quickly wear off, compared with these next factors.
Health, family and friends, these are by far the most important factors for our happiness.
[2] If we are healthy people and in relatively good shape, with good family, a good marriage or have a relationship in a good condition, we are more likely to be in a position that will make us happy; marriage alone adds an average of an extra seven years to the life of a man and four for a woman.
This is a preview of the whole essay
Peer Reviews
Here's what a star student thought of this essay
Quality of writing
The highest quality of writing was used throughout this essay. There were no grammatical errors, which was good. Instead of using brief bullet points, the candidate used numbers which allowed them to go into more depth. Specialist scientific vocabulary was used throughout, which conveyed that the candidate understood the essay title with great depth.
Level of analysis
There is an exceptionally high level of analysis throughout the essay. However, my only concern is that at GCSE it is usually a good idea to use diagrams or pictures to convey a point with more clarity, for example in this essay the candidate could have included a picture locating the pituitary gland in the brain. The analysis in the conclusion was somewhat weak, as the quote by the Dalai Lama was irrelevant to the overall essay, and the candidate should have finished at 'jubilant society'. Nevertheless, the overall essay had an excellent level of analysis, that far surpasses a normal GCSE standard essay.
Response to question
The response to the question is excellent as it its presented with the utmost clarity and scientific detail. The response starts of by describing different perspectives of happiness, which allows the reader to understand how these types of happiness can be achieved. The response also includes different hormones and their affects, which is well above GCSE standard, hence the highest marks would be given. Different drugs are mentioned, some in detail found at A2 level, which is excellent. Overall the response is beautifully structured, with appropriate references at the end, which show that the candidate is intelligent and aware of how to write an essay appropriately.
