What types of problems and effects are been forced upon the planet with modern technology and the increasing population and what can be done to make the planet healthier?

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Rebecca Gellatly        General Studies         Coursework

What types of problems and effects are been forced upon the planet with modern technology and the increasing population and what can be done to make the planet healthier?

The growing population, deforestation and use of fossil fuels are causing the biggest environmental problem that has been discovered over the past 50 years, Global Warming. In the past 10 years dramatic actions have been taken to curb the dangerous affects that could lead to drought, floods, sweltering heat and rising seas.

I believe that to curb the effects more people should be aware of what the future would be like for future generations. How their lives would be affected by global warming. Simple things like walking to work and school or using a bike to commute would make a huge difference, if more people knew that bicycling is 117% more efficient than walking, and then I believe more people would do it. However the majority will have to take this into account if they want to make a difference. By simply wearing an extra shirt around the house and not turning on the heating will contribute to saving the environment. Paper which is made from trees should not be wasted and recycled when finished with. In order to prevent unnecessary usage of the planets resources’ recycling helps to curb the effects of deforestation.

Whenever a person uses a car or forgets to switch their television off at the mains, leaving the little red light to waste energy, a thought should be spared for the millions of men women and children that survive every day in third world countries who have quite possibly never seen a television.

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If every commuter car in the U.S. transported an extra person, it would save eight billion gallons of fuel a year. Facts like these assist in convincing people that small gestures matter. However many people do not think that just one person can make the difference.

Scientists have discovered the main causes of global warming and because of this curbing the effects causing global warming is a great deal easier. Emissions of carbon dioxide and other greenhouse gases from human activities including industrial processes, fossil fuel combustion, and changes in land use, such as deforestation all contribute to the ...

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Generally, this is fairly good: the language used is precise and often statistics/specialist language are present which make the essay much more factual. However, there are a lot of common mistakes that can be easily rectified to make the essay better. One example is in the title, in which the student has used the word 'been' instead of 'being' which is an easy mistake to make. There is also an occasional lack of commas. A good exercise, which would help, would be to properly proof-read the essay after writing to check for any spelling mistakes; also, the student could read it out loud to make sure they have their commas in the right places so the essay's pauses fit in with the overall flow.

The writer has shown a range of analytical skills: they've described several of the problems that the planet currently faces, and have included statistics and facts to support their argument. It is clear that the writer understands the subject quite well. As mentioned under the first part, the student would do better to rearrange the structure of the essay, as although the points are good, they aren't presented in the best manner. The essay also ends with no conclusion, after the final paragraph about tidal barriers, it simply stops. This is bad practice, and they should work to include a short conclusion, even if this is just tying up the points already made and linking them back to the original question.

The student has answered the question well; they've understood what the question is asking them to do and they've made a number of different points which are all relevant to the question. One thing which could have been improved though, was the structure of the essay which could have been more effective so as to present the information in a more logical order. At present, the student starts of with some points about what can be done to help the planet and follows that up with an explanation of how things such as deforestation are damaging the planet. A better structure would probably have the explanation of, for example, what fossil fuels are and why/how they are bad before giving a view on what the population can do to help prevent it.