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What types of problems and effects are been forced upon the planet with modern technology and the increasing population and what can be done to make the planet healthier?

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Introduction

Rebecca Gellatly        General Studies         Coursework

What types of problems and effects are been forced upon the planet with modern technology and the increasing population and what can be done to make the planet healthier?

The growing population, deforestation and use of fossil fuels are causing the biggest environmental problem that has been discovered over the past 50 years, Global Warming. In the past 10 years dramatic actions have been taken to curb the dangerous affects that could lead to drought, floods, sweltering heat and rising seas.

I believe that to curb the effects more people should be aware of what the future would be like for future generations. How their lives would be affected by global warming. Simple things like walking to work and school or using a bike to commute would make a huge difference, if more people knew that bicycling is 117% more efficient than walking, and then I believe more people would do it. However the majority will have to take this into account if they want to make a difference. By simply wearing an extra shirt around the house and not turning on the heating will contribute to saving the environment. Paper which is made from trees should not be wasted and recycled when finished with.

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Middle

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This process is similar to that which takes place in a greenhouse environment hence the name "greenhouse effect" and "greenhouse gases". Greenhouse gas (es) is the name given to the gases which trap the heat in the earth’s atmosphere. Carbon Dioxide is the greatest contributor to the build up of gases in the atmosphere.

 Cars, Factories, even using paper all contribute to the hostile planet we are all creating for future generations.

Fossil fuels release the majority of harmful gases into the atmosphere, so in order to reduce the amount of dangerous gas entering the atmosphere; other sources of energy are being used. Renewable energy sources such as Solar Power, Wind turbines/farms, Tidal, Hydro-electric, Geothermal and using Biomass and alternative power sources such as nuclear power all contribute to the decrease in use of fossil fuels.

Trees provide oxygen for the planet by removing the carbon from carbon dioxide and releasing oxygen back in to the atmosphere. This done by a process called photosynthesis. Transpiration is a process whereby the plants carry water up the stems of the plants into the leaves and it evaporates through the leaves. These processes determine the weather and cause clouds, which block the suns heat from passing through the ozone layer.

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Conclusion

The Chernobyl accident killed more than 30 people immediately, and as a result of the high radiation levels in the surrounding 20-mile radius, 135,000 people had to be evacuated. It will take four hundred years before the affected area will become liveable again.

In conclusion, I have discussed the effects of pollution and the controversy caused, I have also discussed what can be done to curb the effects. The use of renewable energy can assist in the prevention of further damage, and that walking or bicycling instead of driving can also reduce the damaging effects facing the environment.

I have discussed the disaster and consequences of nuclear power and its advantages to the environment. I would like to conclude by saying that unless drastic measures are taken to ensure the safety and wellbeing of future generations, the planet will die and we, as a species, will too.  

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Here's what a star student thought of this essay

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Response to the question

The student has answered the question well; they've understood what the question is asking them to do and they've made a number of different points which are all relevant to the question. One thing which could have been improved though, ...

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Response to the question

The student has answered the question well; they've understood what the question is asking them to do and they've made a number of different points which are all relevant to the question. One thing which could have been improved though, was the structure of the essay which could have been more effective so as to present the information in a more logical order. At present, the student starts of with some points about what can be done to help the planet and follows that up with an explanation of how things such as deforestation are damaging the planet. A better structure would probably have the explanation of, for example, what fossil fuels are and why/how they are bad before giving a view on what the population can do to help prevent it.

Level of analysis

The writer has shown a range of analytical skills: they've described several of the problems that the planet currently faces, and have included statistics and facts to support their argument. It is clear that the writer understands the subject quite well. As mentioned under the first part, the student would do better to rearrange the structure of the essay, as although the points are good, they aren't presented in the best manner. The essay also ends with no conclusion, after the final paragraph about tidal barriers, it simply stops. This is bad practice, and they should work to include a short conclusion, even if this is just tying up the points already made and linking them back to the original question.

Quality of writing

Generally, this is fairly good: the language used is precise and often statistics/specialist language are present which make the essay much more factual. However, there are a lot of common mistakes that can be easily rectified to make the essay better. One example is in the title, in which the student has used the word 'been' instead of 'being' which is an easy mistake to make. There is also an occasional lack of commas. A good exercise, which would help, would be to properly proof-read the essay after writing to check for any spelling mistakes; also, the student could read it out loud to make sure they have their commas in the right places so the essay's pauses fit in with the overall flow.


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