Sofian used to nag us terribly about going to school, every single day. Every time he came home from playing outside with his friends, I had to listen to things such as: “Mommy, I also want to go to school”, “Mommy, why can’t you get me an admission for school?” and “Mommy, why are we poor?!!”
I felt horrible. Especially the last sentence used to make me want to vomit. I felt so horrible because I didn’t have any answer for that question. I also thought about that sometimes. But someone once said: ‘A poor man is not he who is without a cent, but he who is without a dream’ but that was a kind of wrong in my situation because I did have a dream, but I also didn’t have a single cent in my pockets. Was I wrong or did I just not understand the quote? Because I am poor!
It’s not a shame to be poor. Poverty is like a punishment for a crime you didn’t commit. People just don’t get it! People used to laugh when Sofian shouted in the stores when we went to buy some cheap stuff, that he also wanted to go to school, wear a uniform and do home work like the other kids his age and I just stood there and watched him for a while, then felt sorry for him and said: “Sofian, I don’t have enough money to buy milk or cucumber, how can I obtain you an admission for school?”
Then we used to go back home quietly with the sound of unknown people laughing and making fun of us two buzzing in the back of the head. And the noise used to wake me from my sleep, too.
I was not happy and I am not happy now either. I am very old now and Sofian... He is dead. Because of poverty, my dear son died at an early age. He didn’t make it. And I know it’s too late, but I regret not asking him why he wanted to go to school so much. Did he feel very different?
But then I think about a brave girl named Khadija Williams. She had a dream and she didn’t give up but struggled for her dream to come true. She didn’t lose faith and that’s how she reached so far. How can somebody believe that a girl who lived among prostitutes and drug dealers could graduate with high honors, and be accepted to more than 20 universities nationwide, just because she wanted to get an education?
Well, I am happy with the way I handled everything and I try not to think about what happened to Sofian, anymore. What is done is done and no one can ever change it.
