Communicating with children

Adriana Zanghi National Diploma in Children’s Care, Learning & Dev, Year 1, Group 1

Assignment title: Communicating with children

Describe how to communicate with children using both verbal and non-verbal methods of communication by describing here situations as examples from your placement to highlight these methods.

Explain why communication skills are important to develop relationships with children in a placement setting. Give reasons to clearly support your explanation.

Evaluate your own communication skills when developing relationships with children in a placement setting by discussing relationships with children in a placement setting by discussing four of your strengths and four of your weaknesses in this area. Include a plan of how you intend to continue to develop your strengths and improve your weaknesses.

1. Situations from my placement that highlight verbal and non verbal communication methods was for example with Abigail aged 2 ½ years. She is a very shy, quiet and timid girl. Thus, I did not use a loud voice when talking to her. At first I played with her doing puzzles. I smiled and expressed genuine pleasure when she tried to interact with me, positioned myself at her level and made a non-threatening eye-contact. At first I avoided asking her lots of questions and acknowledged her communications by answering or responding rather than simply giving praise. All of this paints a picture of openness and care for the child. Therefore she began to speak to me and so I listened to her carefully and responded to her too. By time, even if she remained shy, she began coming near me to talk to me even when I was not near her. She wanted me to go and play with her. She enjoyed also playing with puppets. Sometimes children who are reluctant to talk will say something to a puppet or cuddly toy.

2. Another situation is that of Dylan aged almost 3 years. He has speech problems comparing his age. I used puppets with him, because puppets help children talk and listen. Also, puppets help children because children who are not comfortable talking in front of others can use the puppet to talk for them. I played with him by using telephone toy too. This encourages him to speak and talk. He says “Hello”, “bye mummy”. Therefore this is the beginning of having real conversations as he grows older. Also I tried to include him when the other children are playing role-play. Role-play enables children to practice their communication and language skills and during the role play, sometimes I also joined in to extend learning. They started to play that they were on the bus and they all wanted to be the bus driver and I said to them one at a time. Then I played that I was an old lady with a stick in my hands going on the bus and there were not enough chairs, thus the old lady ( that was me) had no place were to sit . I said “Where can I sit?” “There is no chair for me”, and Dylan stood up, said “here”, and gave me his chair. They learned that we have to show respect to old people on the bus and that we have to give them were to sit because they are old people and cannot stand up while the bus is driving.

3. Another situation was with a baby from the nursery. His name is David and he is 13 months old. Although he is still very young, he can also communicate with the adult for example when he smiles, makes noises, uses facial expressions, makes eye-contact … He also uses his hands to point, touch and pull objects. He can follow simple instructions such as when I say “wave bye bye” and he waves bye bye. But he is still too young to join in with nursery rhymes and songs and to respond to simple commands.

Babies can communicate in a non-verbal way with adults and they can also learn language at an early age provided that they are given stimulation with speech and thus they will develop through the milestones of communication with few problems. The rate of development may vary from child to child for a variety of reasons. A reason could be stimulation. Children who are not given any stimulation may have speech difficulties. This is the case of David. When he goes home from the nursery his mother feeds him and wants him to sleep so she can have a rest after work. Thus, David does not have that much opportunity to talk and to learn. Thus he remains back with his verbal communication.

Babies learn to talk by making sounds. So I helped David to do this by talking to him for example I said “Let’s say hello to the mirror. Now let’s say hello to the window”. I helped him also by listening to sounds for example when I sang to him. Thus he can begin to learn to practice sounds himself and copy sounds made by me and of the other carers.

If sounds are not made around the baby, he will not learn to speak very well in the future. Babies need to be stimulated by carers ...

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If sounds are not made around the baby, he will not learn to speak very well in the future. Babies need to be stimulated by carers and by parents too in order to develop their language. I tried to do my best with David. I listened to him, was patient, talked directly to him. I read stories to him. I showed him picture books provided by the nursery. These picture books had images of objects with which babies are familiar with such as an apple, a banana… I also sang nursery rhymes and played finger rhyme games such as “peek-a-boo). He smiled and I knew he was having fun while he was learning too.

Communication is a two-way process. It involves trying to understand the thoughts and feelings the other person is expressing, and responding in a way that is helpful. This means that to communicate well a person needs skills in listening to, observing others and understanding their messages. Also, the person needs to get his/her own ideas and feelings across so that they can be helpful.

These skills are part of everyday social life, but when a person is faced with someone who is upset and that needs his/her support, especially a child, that person has to think carefully how to respond in the best way possible.

Verbal communication is the interactive part of the communication process which involves listening and responding to what others are saying. For effective speaking and listening, the adult/teacher will need to have time to hear, think and respond. Children will usually find it easier to speak than to listen and many of them need to learn to listen to others.

For communication to be effective between the teacher and the children, the teacher will need to show that she is listening to them and valuing what they are saying. Sometimes this can be difficult in a busy classroom, particularly if the teacher is working with very young children who all want to speak at once. The teacher will need to acknowledge that the child is speaking to her and she has to make sure that she responds to him/her, even if the teacher cannot do this straight away.

The teacher can encourage children to communicate effectively with others by for example making sure that the teacher actively listens and responds to what children are saying, use open ended questions so that children need to give full answers. Also, by teaching them to reflectively listen, or repeat back what they have heard. This will encourage them to check their understanding.

A lot of communication goes on without actually talking too. This is called non-verbal communication. The expression on a person’s face, how they move, their tone of voice, are all communications whose meaning depends on the person’s culture. For example, in some groups a side-to-side nod of the head means “yes”, in other groups it means “no”.

It is important to think about whether the teacher’s non-verbal communication is helping the child to feel comfortable. Many adults change their behaviour when talking with children so as to help them, but some block communication through a bossy or severe manner, or lack of respect for the child.

The tone of voice is important in communication. Sometimes people speak in a loud or harsh voice without being aware of it. This makes the child think that the person is angry with him or her, or is unsympathetic. In some communities adults use a special tone of voice for speaking to children, more high-pitched or quieter, or more sing-song than with another adult. This shows that the adult is sympathetic and helps the child feel safe.

Facial expression is important too. If the adult looks bored, worried or annoyed while children talk, they will soon stop. The adult/teacher’s expression should change according to what the child is expressing. If the adult smiles when this is not appropriate, for example, when the child talks about something sad, the adult will seem unkind or not interested.

Jokes, smiles and laughs can help a child to relax and begin to trust the adult. However, sometimes people smile or laugh when they are embarrassed or do not know what to say. It is important to recognize what makes the adult uncomfortable or embarrassed, so that he/she can avoid reactions that will seem unsympathetic.

Body language can communicate to other people how you are feeling. Body language is part of our personality. For example some people are more physically demonstrative than others. Gestures and positioning of the body can suggest a range of feelings including aggression, defensiveness, assertiveness…. They can also demonstrate a welcome, humour, warmth and openness. Thus the teacher/adult can observe and know how the child is feeling without speaking to him/her.

Eye-contact is of extreme importance while communicating. Different societies vary in the amount of eye contact which is usual when an adult and a child are talking together. In some cultures children are told off if they do not look at the adult who is talking to them. In other societies they are considered rude if they do look at the adult instead of at the ground. It is certainly wrong for people to stare at each other, but a certain degree of looking at the other person is usually helpful. If the adult does not look at children at all, the adult will not notice if a child is upset or needs comforting. On the other hand, if the adult stares to a child, this can make him/her feel uncomfortable. With children who are very timid, it is best to allow time for them to gain confidence, and not to get too close to them or look at them too much at first.

Cultures differ on how children are expected to behave in the presence of adults. Sometimes the custom is for them to sit, sometimes to stand. It is always important to help a child to relax by making sure they are comfortable and not overwhelmed by the adult, as can happen when a tall adult looks down on a seated child. I find that the most comfortable arrangement is for both adult and child to be sitting down at a slight angle to each other, so that they are at the same level and not completely face to face. For example both on a mat, or one on a bench and one on a stool.

Being a good communicator means being able to appreciate both verbal and non-verbal communication. The ability to listen to children and what they say and to react to their needs is an important skill. Also, being able o read their body language such as facial expressions, gestures, and what is not said by children is often as important.

Weaknesses

Eye-contact

Eye-contact can keep a conversation going. When no eye-contact is made, it is likely that the conversation will trail away. When individuals are feeling nervous, embarrassed, shy or guilty, it is a natural response to avoid eye-contact. Eye contact is a connection between the speaker and the listener. It makes these two to feel accepted by one another.

Good eye contact really communicates genuine presence and concern. Also, good eye-contact involves not a fixed stare but it involves looking frequently and warmly into the child’s eyes.

A situation from my placement was when Sarah bit Melanie’s arm and I gave Sarah an intense threatening eye contact. I starred to her a bit too much and Sarah began to cry. After I was aware that I sent to Sarah a message of aggressiveness and I did not want to send to her this type of message. I was aware that I made the wrong type of eye-contact. The eye-contact should not have been a threatening or aggressive one but one that showed only that she made a bad thing.

Keeping in mind they may not know certain phrases or words.

When you consistently interact with young children, you are building the child’s vocabulary, giving the child words to express ideas and emotions. As the child grows, by listening and talking and talking to him/her and using simple words and sentences, songs, rhymes and games, you (as carer/ adult) are getting the child to understand that words have meanings. By reading stories to the child, you are getting the child to associate the words and ideas with the pictures on a page and the pictures with the printed words.

Sharing stories and books is a natural part of every day’s activities in my placement setting. I often provided children with books that were above their ability. Thus they became frustrated and uninterested because they did not understand the book. Sometimes I forgot to explain for example what is “a train”, because I took it for granted that a 2 ½ year old girl knew what it was. Then I became aware that all children are different and there could be someone that does do not know some words.

Keeping sentences to the point

Giving instructions or guidance in bite size pieces and talking steadily is a more effective way of helping someone who is struggling to understand an instruction. This is much easier for children than listing the process they need to follow and leaving them to it.

For example when the carer asked me to organize the children (almost 3 years of age) for playtime outside the classroom, I got the children’s attention and gave them the following instructions: “It is time to go outside and play. Those of you who have finished eating, get your jackets on. Those of you who have not, please finish your food, put the cartons of milk in the bin and get your jackets on. If you need the toilet, we shall go now.”

Here, children focused on play time. I started being aware that they did not take all of my instructions. I needed to break down the instructions and should have given these instructions one at a time. For example “Who has not yet finished their food?. Please finish it before doing anything else” and so on.

Tone of voice

Without doubt the tone of voice conveys messages. It might indicate anger, frustration, indifference, irritation as well as pleasure, encouragement and praise. People will all respond better to positive tones and are hurt or confused by the negative. Young children may not always understand what is being said to them, but the one of voice used conveys a message, which at times may be the wrong one. Also, the use of inappropriate language for the stage of development or depth of knowledge a child has can prevent communication taking place successfully.

Sometimes carers from my placement said to me that the volume of my voice is too low, other times it is too high or not appropriate in that situation. At times the speed of my voice is too fast too and the language I might have used at times might not be consisted of simple words that could be understood by the toddlers of the nursery.

An example is when Roderick aged 3 was drawing something that I did not recognize. Roderick is very good when playing football outside. He can play with 7 year olds. But when he draws, he does it as if he had 2 years of age not 3. So I asked him “What are you doing?”. This was interpreted by him as a negative question because the emphasis was placed wrongly when I said “what are you doing?”. This conveyed to Roderick frustration and annoyance, so he did not want to draw anymore that day.

Strengths

Trying to communicate at the same eye level

I welcome children to the nursery where possible at eye level. It is good when speaking at eye level with young children and this approach is even more crucial when communicating with children with special needs. It was easier for the child to focus on my face and process what I was saying to him. Because this particular child had hearing loss, eye-level communication increased the intensity of the signal by moving closer.

Being close to babies and children and at their eye level showed more my interest and that I paid attention to them. Thus children began to believe that I was genuinely interested to them and some of them began imitating my attentive behaviour.

Showing positive facial expressions

Facial expressions add meaning to words. Our faces give important cues as to our feelings. Facial expressions serve as a message source to our emotional states of happiness, fear, surprise, sadness, anger, disgust, interest…

For infants, their own and their care-givers’ facial expressions are crucial to the development of attachment. By 3 months infants can distinguish between positive and negative expressions. Attempts to control facial expressions occur as early as 3 months and by 2 years most children can plan and display a chosen facial expression.

When Emily (aged 3 years) came near me to show me her drawing I made a facial expression of interest and she already knew that I liked her drawing. Then I praised her. Thus I encouraged to gain self confidence and self esteem in herself.

Show interest and ask questions

The way in which questions are phrased makes a difference to the answers you receive. Questions can be useful to clarify something you are unsure of and can indicate to the other person that you are interested in what they have to say by extending the conversation further. An open question offers the opportunity for a wide-ranging answer. While closed questions restrict the answer to one word such as “yes” or “no”.

For example after lunchtime I did not asked Tom (boy from the nursery aged 2 years 7 months) “Did you enjoy your lunch?” The likely answers he could give me were a “yes” or a “no”. Instead I asked him “What do you prefer to eat at lunch time?” He answered “bread with cheese”. This question offered the opportunity for a range of answers and therefore extends conversation.

Listening

Listening is not the same as hearing (as for example when listening to music). When you listen you need to take in the information and often act upon it. In my placement setting I was able to listen to children telling their interests, listened children asking for my help, and listened to them sharing their experiences of activities with me.

A situation that occurred in the nursery was when I listened Paul crying as Alexia scribbled on his picture. I stopped what I was doing (that time I was helping the care clearing a table for lunch time) and sat down with Paul to listen to what he was saying. At first he was very distressed, but then he began to calm down with my full attention. Alexia did not have any attention from me. So Paul was able to explain to me what happened more clearly (using simple words). Then when he was completely calm and ready to go back to play, Alexia found a piece of paper for him to draw another picture.

References

Coursework notes

“Children’s Care, Learning & Development” – Penny Tassoni, Kath Bulman, Kate Beith.

http://www.everychildmatters.gov.uk/deliveringservices/commoncore/communication/

http://edis.ifas.ufl.edu/TOPIC_Communication_with_Children

http://www.gp-training.net/training/communication_skills/consultation/children.htm