A Pastiche Revealing Uraras Loss and Her Recovery from Her Grief

International Baccalaureate World Literature

A Pastiche Revealing Urara’s Loss and Her Recovery from Her Grief

Word Count: 1, 462

Statement of Intent

In the Japanese novel Kitchen, Banana Yoshimoto suggests through the accounts of Mikage and Satsuki that companionship and maintaining hope are essential to helping one recover from a loss and that one must eventually move on from one’s grief. I will focus on this theme in my passage written from Urara’s point of view when she is at the bridge with Satsuki for the Weaver Festival Phenomenon. I chose to write from Urara’s point of view because it is illuminating to reveal Urara’s own grieving process to explain her empathy with Satsuki’s emotional state and how she arrives at the insights she shares with Satsuki. In the passage, I also chose to focus on the motifs of cold, warmth, light, and darkness. Additionally, I emulated Yoshimoto’s style of using poetic metaphors to explain emotions. Finally, Yoshimoto does not heavily emphasize traditional Japanese culture, apart from the Japanese foods and names. Interestingly, she often makes references to Western culture. I therefore referenced the Great Houdini to emulate her style.

Yoshimoto uses the motifs of cold and warmth to illustrate the contrast between loneliness and companionship. For example, Mikage explains that the kitchen is “cold [when] I’m all alone, [and when] somebody’s there…it’s warm” (4). Since warmth is a more comfortable sensation than cold, Yoshimoto’s motif suggests that companionship is essential to recovering from grief and to live a content life. I chose to have Urara feel a great loneliness similar to that of Mikage and Satsuki at the beginning of her grieving process. Therefore, I used the cold imagery of the “frozen, morning air” and Urara shivering no matter how many covers she used to portray her loneliness due to Kazuki’s death. Additionally, Yoshimoto uses the motif of warmth, especially in relation to tea, to illustrate the security and happiness one feels when one is with a companion. Thus, I chose for Urara and Kazuki to have met regularly in a tea shop to reflect their warm and comforting relationship. Finally, I described the weather as slowly warming up starting from when Satsuki arrives to further emphasize the importance of companionship in the achievement of happiness.

In addition, Yoshimoto uses the motifs of light and darkness to illustrate the importance of companionship and maintaining hope. I chose the traditional Japanese name, Kazuki, which means “shining one,” to suggest that Kazuki’s companionship gave Urara happiness. When Kazuki is gone, and the “light” is extinguished, Urara feels utterly lost, alone, and purposeless. I illustrate this in the metaphor of the ship without a light to guide its path. Additionally, I describe the sky becoming lighter when Satsuki arrives in order to further illustrate how friendship can guide one’s path to recovering from grief. Finally, Yoshimoto often uses the ...

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Finally, I wanted to reinforce Yoshimoto’s theme that one must move on from one’s grief. This theme is most apparent in Satsuki’s letter to Hitoshi, where she explains that the” flow of time is something I cannot stop. I haven’t a choice. I go” (150). Yoshimoto often directly states her message throughout the novel. Therefore, I also chose to have Urara outright state her realization that she must move on in her life.

I was standing at the bridge waiting for Satsuki, my breath coming out in white puffs in the frozen, morning air. A harsh, cold wind bit mercilessly at my face. The forest was dark and deathly still. Overhead, gloomy clouds covered the pale moon, preventing its light from shining through. I couldn’t see the stars, only the black expanse of the cosmos.

It was times like this when I felt the most lonely, when the void in my heart became most apparent. It was times like this when my thoughts desperately wandered, and landed with a thud on Kazuki.

***

Kazuki, my boyfriend of three years since my senior year of high school.

I was first drawn to his beautiful, twinkling eyes that were always smiling. Wherever he went, Kazuki shone a radiant light on whoever he was with. His warm, inviting smile filled me with a feeling of security and joy.

Every Friday after school, we would go sit in a nearby tea shop and talk about our week. The shop was so warm and toasty, and filled with curling, white steam from the boiling water. The sweet aroma of the tea and Kazuki’s comforting voice always made me feel as if I was in a dream.

When Kazuki died last spring, I was utterly lost. I felt so lonely. Like a ship lost at sea, with no lighthouse to guide its path, I wandered aimlessly. My life seemed purposeless; it was so dark.

Eventually, I occupied myself with studying magic. I became obsessed with magic. Not the magic that the Great Houdini mastered, but magic rituals from ancient Japan and China. I traveled from town to town, temple to temple, searching for a way to bring Kazuki back. The search gave me something to do, and as long as I kept on looking, kept on moving, a flame in my heart, where the memory of Kazuki lived, was kept alive.

But every night after an unsuccessful day of searching, I would lie in my bed with silent tears slowly rolling down my cheeks. The world seemed so empty and cold. Despite the number of covers I piled onto the bed I felt as if I was perpetually living in ice.

One night, I couldn’t sleep, so I went outside into the garden. It had been another day of searching that yielded no answers, and I doubted whether I had the strength to go on.

I gazed up at the full moon shining serenely in the night sky. It shed a magical light over the garden and gently calmed my spirit. I realized that no matter how hard the journey might be, no matter how dark my life might seem, I couldn’t give up hope. I needed to keep moving, with the moonlight guiding my path. My tear-streaked face reflected in the pond showed me the unnecessary pain I was putting myself through. Kazuki was gone, and no matter how much I grieved, I could never bring him back. But I first longed for a proper closure.

It was a couple months later that I finally learned of the Weaver Festival Phenomenon.

***

When Satsuki finally arrived, the sun had begun to come out, turning the sky a beautiful porcelain blue and slowly warming the earth. The wind died down to a breeze, and pushed the clouds across the sky.

I explained to Satsuki what was going to happen. Then we fell dead silent. The roaring sound of the river filled our ears. I focused on the misty far bank of the river. The sky gradually turned light blue as the sun came out. I looked around and realized that Satsuki was gone, leaving me completely alone at the bridge.

The white mist at the far bank began to swirl. I forced myself to remain calm and wait patiently. Finally, Kazuki stepped out and our eyes found each other. Tears of joy filled my eyes. I had finally succeeded in finding Kazuki. My long search had not been for nothing.

We gazed at each other without moving. I wanted our final good-bye to remain imprinted in my memory forever. His twinkling eyes, his warm smile, his calming presence were just as I had remembered. I wished this moment would last for eternity and that time would stand still. But then I noticed Kazuki’s sad expression. His eyes were for once no longer smiling, and were gazing at the swift, roaring current of the river separating us. He slowly shook his head and waved good-bye.

As he slowly receded into the white, I felt as if a chapter in my life had finally come to a close, though it pained me to see him go. Our lives are like an ever flowing river—we can never slip our feet into the same river twice. No matter how much we want to stay in one place, life pushes us on relentlessly. Though Kazuki will always remain imprinted in my memory, I can’t remain fixed on bringing him back or on having life the way it used to be. Fate has decided on dividing us forever. I will never be with him again.

As I waved good-bye to Kazuki, I thought, “Thank you for bringing light to my world, but now I must go on.”