The Conflict – A Hypothetical Case
In a large publishing company in New York, a young woman, Laura, was hired as a copy editor for one of the journals produced by the company. Few more employees worked on this team editing this Journal, including a senior editor named Tim. Laura had worked there for about a month when she and her colleagues went for gathering after work and everyone had a good time and consumed a fair amount of alcohol. When everybody was parting the bar to head home, Tim, who had been attracted to Laura since she started work, hailed a cab and offered to share the ride with Laura. Once she was inside the cab, Tim then abruptly made an aggressive sexual progress toward her. Laura shocked at first and pushed him away and told him to get out of the cab. Ashamed, Tim slinked out of the cab. Laura came back to work, the next day, with some nervousness thinking that this incident would affect her job even though Tim did not administer her. Tim directly went to her office and apologized for his awfully inappropriate conduct in the cab.
Laura then decided not to disclose the matter through any formal channels in the office after being relieved at his apology. As she was a new employee and still in the process of learning the office politics and proving herself as being a competent editor, she did not want to bring negative attention to herself. But Tim apologized again and again and was sorry about the incident at every opportunity he had for three months. This continuous apology was awkward and irritating to Laura. Ironically he was foisting another form of unwanted attention upon Laura by apologizing her again. At first Laura told him that "it was okay". After three months of countless apologies, she reached a position where she asked him to stop apologizing. Irritated, she revealed in a few co-workers about her unusual problem and as a result they lost respect for Tim.
Tim realized that others knew about it by the way they communicated with him even though the cab incident was not common knowledge in the office. When another editor vacancy opened in different journal division of the company, Laura applied for the job and moved to the other journal. In her new role, she didn't have Tim disturbing her anymore. But she was unhappy with her new job as the journal material was very uninteresting. She didn't work as well with her colleagues as she did in the previous journal (excepting Tim). She realized that she really enjoyed her old job. She began to be unhappy with her decision to avoid the conflict with Tim by moving to the new job. Laura decided to consult with the company ombudsman in an effort to seek advice as to how to solve her problem.
Towards Resolution of the Conflict
Ombudsman suggests to Laura that the three of them talk together privately about the issue after realizing that Laura’s and Tim’s interests are markedly similar. He would assist the discussion and mediate disagreements if necessary. Then he would first talk to Tim in order to ascertain if he was willing to talk with Laura, as well as relieve any fears he may have about her impartiality. Tim seemed relieved as Ombudsman explained that all conversations pertaining to the conflict are held in confidence.
A meeting was held shortly thereafter and the Ombudsman began by explaining her role as a neutral, confidential resource for problem-solving and conflict resolution. Then she told them that each would be able to tell their stories without interruptions. Afterwards, Laura and Tim could ask questions or express concerns. Finally, they would discuss ways to resolve the issue. The Ombudsman asked Laura to tell Tim her perspective of the conflict. Laura, in a halting voice, told Tim that his sexual move in the cab left her confused and angry. Laura felt that Tim violated her trust in him. She was angry that Tim seemed to think of her more as a sexual object than a professional editor. Consequently, she began to lose confidence in herself. To make things worse, Tim's apologies were a constant reminder of her denigrated position. At least in the cab, she felt she could get away from him. In the office, she couldn't get away and felt helpless as a result. She tried to tell him to stop, but it seemed to bear no results.
Tim declared that he had no intention of hurting her. He admitted that he had his eye on Laura ever since she started working at the Journal. She was pretty and fun to work with. He truly regretted and was embarrassed by his behavior. Tim was even more remorseful after hearing Laura's painful account of the emotional ramifications the incident had upon her. Tim justified his continuing apologies as an attempt to make clear that he was sincere. He certainly didn't understand how his apologies could be construed as harassment. If Laura felt that way, then it was her problem. He was only trying to be nice, and now she makes him out to be a sociopath. Tim asked Laura why she hates him so.
The Ombudsman sensed how the tension between Laura and Tim was making her feel tense as well. The Ombudsman complimented them for their openness in sharing their feelings with each other. The Ombudsman's positive and calm feedback gave Tim and Laura the ability to take a few steps back from the intense situation and think about their interests. Turning to Laura, Tim said he recognized the pain he caused her and understood that his pass in the cab was wrong. His guilt about the incident caused him to repeat his apologies. All he wanted now was for Laura to hear and accept his apology. Then he would be able to put the whole thing behind him and move on. Tim hoped that Laura would be able to do the same. Laura replied by saying that she felt she had accepted his apology the morning after the incident occurred. But after hearing Tim, she realized that her response to his apology was not as clear as Tim needed to clear his conscious. Now that she understood why Tim continued to apologize, she wasn't as angry at him. Tim thanked her for accepting his apology and reciprocated in part by honoring her viewpoint about his continued apologies.
The Ombudsman asked them if they were to work in the same office again, would they feel comfortable interacting with one another. Tim quickly replied that he would have no problem with working with Laura again. The Ombudsman thanked Tim and Laura for coming in to talk and offered to talk further with either one of them. About a week later, Laura called the Ombudsman and concluded that she wanted to be an editor in an environment other than academic journal publication. She realized that she was limiting her options by focusing on getting her old job back. Laura's anger at Tim masked her growing discontent over the content of what she was editing at the journal.
Analysis of Conflict
The original cause of the conflict, the sexual advance in the cab, happened in a private enclosed setting. Sexual approaches are inherently private, but the consequences were played out in the public context of the office. And, as Bartunek at al. state, the public spaces of the workplace keep conflict in check and "masked through shared conventions that keep it from open view" (1992, p. 213). Informal, private conflict handling is generally manifested through non-rational expression, such as gossip, strong emotion, and passive-aggressive behavior (Bartunek et al., p. 216). As seen in the conflict between Laura and Tim, in the privacy of their instances of being alone together, "nonrational discourse dominates" and "members find ways to express their disagreements with each other" ; consequently, "these means have substantial - though hidden - impacts on the course of public conflict" (Bartunek et. al., p. 217). Tim's apologies became a non-rational expression conveyed privately to Laura. In kind, Laura responded through informal, private means. And the private interactions had a detrimental impact upon the office environment.
In fact, the primary reason Laura came to the Ombudsman for advice was that the conflict was private, and she wanted to share her problem in confidence. The Ombudsman's role is well suited to informal conflict handling. Unlike formal complaint resolution process, the Ombudsman maintains confidentiality of the problem unless given express permission to do otherwise. Hence, the Ombudsman can exercise more informal dispute resolution options, such as listening, providing and receiving information, reframing issues and developing options, role-playing and shuttle diplomacy (Rowe, M., 1995. pp. 5-7). In doing so, an Ombudsman can be a calming influence that enables people to think through their problem. Particularly with situations where people feel harassed, the Ombudsman can offer more options than the formal grievance process.
Connell states that "power may be a balance of advantage or an inequality of resources in a workplace, a household, or a larger institution" (1987, p. 107). While Laura certainly felt indignant at Tim's behavior, her main concern the next day was preserving her reputation and keeping her job. Laura was worried about maintaining a neutralized sexuality in the office environment, fearing a reputation of being sexually "easy". Such a label would effectively overshadow any power that she could assert through knowledge or skill. Consequently, Laura chose not to risk placing herself in a position to be unfairly labeled by the office power structure even though Tim's offensive and boorish behavior invaded her sense of security and confidence. She resisted reporting Tim's inappropriate behavior because she didn't want to be perceived as complicitous.
Because the cab incident was kept hidden from public awareness and resolution, anxiety rose within Laura, Tim and the office. From the perspective of anxiety as exacerbating the conflict, Murray Bowen's family systems theory is a useful framework for analysis. Family systems theory posits that people are not independent and unaffected by others' emotions. Rather, people form an emotional unit such as a family or work group that acts as the electrical circuit for the flow of anxiety from one person to another, which ultimately limits the group's ability to think clearly and calmly. The patterns that apply in Laura and Tim's situation are triangling and distancing. In triangling, a conflict between two people increases anxiety to the point where, in an attempt to relieve it, another person or persons is drawn into the conflict. This pattern can be seen in Laura confiding in her co-workers about her dilemma with Tim. As a result of the triangle between Tim, Laura and her fellow editors, the anxiety between Tim and Laura was passed on to her co-workers.
Laura's dilemma is a common one, as illustrated by Rowe's characteristics of harassed people seeking help from Ombudsman. Rowe reports that most people in this situation fear the negative consequences of reporting harassment taking the form of not only of retaliation, but also from "silent rejection or disapproval by co-workers and family, and the loss of goodwill from employers" (1990, p. 164). Reporters of harassment also fear a loss of privacy that a public complaint will bring. Most importantly, reporters believe that they lack the sufficient evidence of the offensive behavior, which places them in the untenable position of "his word against mine" (Rowe, 1990. p. 165). And lastly, most reporters "say they do not wish to go to a third party, but feel they lack the skills they need to change the situation effectively" (Rowe, 1990. p. 165). In light of Bowen's family systems theory, these characteristics all add up to an anxious work environment, which impedes functioning of the work group.
The key to reducing anxiety within an individual and consequently, the group that an individual is a part of, is the process of differentiation. Differentiation defined simply is the ability to adapt and cope with the demands of life (Gilbert, 1992. p. 18). Gilbert states that "at higher levels of differentiation, people have more choice about whether to follow the guidance of the thinking self or the guidance of the emotional/feeling self. They are better able to separate these two functions. At lower levels of differentiation, the intellectual and emotional guidance systems are fused, allowing little or no choice between the two and making the intellect essentially emotionally driven" (1992, p. 21). To translate the concept of differentiation to the level of practice, the process is essentially learning to be a calm presence, not reacting automatically to anxious situations, and dealing with relational conflicts at their source.
Conclusion
Noticeably, emotional expression was a vital element of not only the conflict and its growth, but also its resolution. Whereas Kolb and Bartunek raise awareness of the emotional realm in conflict, Murray Bowen's family systems theory brings its consequences into sharp focus. In light of conflict evaluation and resolution, the emotional patterns exhibited in times of anxiety can serve as a warning signal that intervention is needed. Family systems theory is a useful theoretical framework particularly for Ombudsman, who tend to resolve problems informally, in helping people work through conflict. The Ombudsman's goal is essentially the same end as that of differentiation in family systems theory - to enable people to more effectively manage life's challenges. If Ombudsman and other types of conflict resolvers share their knowledge of emotional patterns with parties in conflict, then they are invited to join the life-long process of differentiation. Even a small step towards less reactivity and greater self-awareness makes a significant difference in preventing destructive conflict.
References
Bartunek, J.M., Kolb, D.M., Lewicki, R.J. (1992) "Bringing Conflict Out From Behind the Scenes", in Hidden Conflict in Organizations. Bartunek, J.M., Kolb, D.M., (Eds). London: SAGE Publications.
Connell, R.W. (1987). Gender and Power. Stanford: Stanford University Press.
Costantino, C.A., Merchant, C.S. (1996). Designing Conflict Management Systems. San Francisco: Jossey-Bass Publishers.
Friedman, E.H. (1985). Generation to Generation. New York: The Guilford Press.
Gilbert, R.M. (1992). Extraordinary Relationships. Minneapolis: Chronimed Publishing.
Gold, L. (1993). "Influencing Unconscious Influences: The Healing Dimension of Mediation" Mediation Quarterly, 11,1.
Papero, D.V. (1996). "Anxiety in Organizations" in The Emotional Side of Organizations. Comella et al. (Eds). Washington, D.C.: Georgetown Family Center.
Rowe, M. (1995). Options, Functions and Skills: What an Organizational Ombudsman Might Want to Know. Dallas: Ombudsman Association.
Rowe, M. (1990). "People Who Feel Harassed Need a Complaint System With Both Formal and Informal Options" Negotiation Journal,
