You know what I’m finding totally alienating? I am sitting in my room in total silence, I’m looking around in my room, and there is nothing in here except a bed, a few empty cupboards. My room is completely bare, my room has lost its identity. The more I sit in this room, the more it made me consider what I’m leaving behind. This room represents me. What will my new room say about me? without this room I feel lost. The lost girl, I don’t know who I am, Where I came from?, no one knows.
“Rita, Rita” my stepsister Nisha is calling me. “Nisha, I’m coming” grabbing my handbag I ran down the steps sadly. “Well big sis, its time for you to leave”. Nisha gave me a big hug, she helped me out with a few of my bags.” Well little sis, this is it, I’ll call you when I get there”, I slowly walked out the house.
‘Beep, beep’ “come on”, Vijay screams out the car window. Oh yeah, I totally forgot, I asked Vijay to come pick me up 5 minuets early. I asked him to come and pick me up earlier so I could stop by at Eric’s place and say goodbye. Before slamming the door behind me, I shouted “tell mum and dad I will call them when I get there”.
Running down the street, straight around the corner of the road, dragging my box looking suitcase. Seeing Vijay’s car was a great relief. I saw Vijay’s car, but I didn’t see Vijay in the drivers seat, where could he be?. Surprisingly Vijay pops up behind me, he grabs my bags and runs in towards the car. Vijay opens the car boot and puts my suitcase in. “Thanks Vijay, that’s so gentleman like”, I was very pleasantly surprised. “Your welcome Rita”, I could tell that Vijay was repressing some anger. It was because this drive to my new University was going to be a long one. Gladly, I took out some C.D’s before hand for the long journey. Vijay loves Rita’s taste in music
. I’ve been working since the age of sixteen. I’m not exactly one to save up, so dad chipped in with the cost of my new flat. Dad was very angry about that. He told me that he doesn’t mind if I don’t pay him back, but I feel I should. I feel like my flat should be my own, something I bought myself, my own home. So I’m going to be paying him back soon, I hope.
My parents think that I’ll be taking care of the decorating and fixing, they’ve even offered to help out with everything. Gladly I have Vijay for all of that. My parents paid a visit to my flat the first week when it was brought they haven’t seen the flat for 4 weeks. In those 4 weeks me an Vijay have decorated all the rooms painting that is, most of the furniture has been bought, a lot of my relatives have given me gifts for my new flat, from my parents I received sofa’s and a bed. I was very grateful to my family for these gifts because now it’s like a start to my house. The university is roundabout two to two and a half hours ride.
“Rita you know the other day, well I’m sorry” Vijay had said this in such a soft voice. I didn’t know what to say. We had an argument, his girlfriend Asma had cheated on him with some guy from our college.
Lets say it was a good thing I was walking past the library that time other wise it could have gone out of hand. Asma was meant to meet up with Vijay that evening but she cancelled because she had an emergency, when I saw her all over another guy. I panicked I didn’t know what to do or say, so I walked straight up to her and slapped her across her face, we ended up in an argument she said, “it’s not what it looks like”. So she just happen to kiss him, and surprisingly five minutes before that she just happened to cancel meeting Vijay. Well the true story came out in the ending and I was in the right. I don’t see why I should betray a best friend.
‘Ring, ring’ Vijay’s mobile was ringing; I wonder what that was about. “Rita, its Asma, what shall I do?” I sat there wondering what she wanted, the only way we will find out if Vijay picks it up, “ Vijay pick it up”. He looked lost and very disappointed. He picks up the phone saying “ what?” I was very proud of Vijay because the way he was speaking on the phone was very practical. I really did think Vijay would give in when she phoned but he didn’t he was hard as a rock.
They had a good thirty minutes talk but I just stuck my head out the window trying to ignore what they were saying but I it was very difficult especially when Vijay was shouting his head off! Well I got a brief idea what she phoned to say which was “Vijay, I’m sorry and that everything got out of hand”. Vijay’s last words before hanging were, ”you know something I don’t care about you no more I never did, don’t bother calling me”, you know something I don’t even want to know what happened and I’m not even going to ask him. Vijay’s face looks as if its going to explode, now I’m not sure what to say which means I need to think of ways to start a conversation,’ you know, well, maybe, shall I……, I swear I’ve never had to think about a thing like this before. Well it’s not like an everyday thing, is it? “You alright?”, he has started to calm down. “Yeah, well I guess so thanks.”
Gradually we started to talk again “but” about Asma, he was just telling me how thankful he was and what would have happened if I didn’t see them, If they would still be together, if she would own up to what she did. Well it’s obvious that if she did it there is no way she would she would have owned up. He just started to rip open his heart, he was hurt, even if she owned up it would have made life a little easier but it was excuses after excuses, he says what happened was for the best, I guess so.
We managed to switch subjects very fast from Asma to my adoption and how if I weren’t with that family Vijay and me would have never been best friends. It made me think more about my biological parents. But there must have been loads of reasons why I was up for adoption maybe because the mother was too young or no one knew about me and it was meant to be secret, maybe they just didn’t want me. I was refused, rejected, so I really am lost,
I don’t have an identity. Vijay was trying very hard to comfort but for some reason it wasn’t working, I was thinking more negative about myself every second I felt shallower, it’s as if I was dropped in a pitch black hole and some body had said to me find your way out!
“Rita, you know something forget about the past think about the present” these words were very powerful. “Exactly, think about the future meaning I still have time to find out who my parents are, thanks, Vijay have I ever told you how much I love you, you really are a good friend” I can’t believe I had never considered something like this. I was so anxious and tense to find out as soon as possible, I had loads of ideas what I was going to do and say not forgetting all these years of gossip, we have to catch up on so much, whilst I was still in fantasyland going on about my biological mum.
“Rita have you thought of the consequences?”, I was wondering what he meant, “like what, Vijay?” he looked at me with a sad face saying “how will your step parents and Nisha react about the whole thing? What about when you find your biological parents will they want to know you?, how don’t you know they might have kids of their own, your parents might not be living together, they might be living two separate lives.” All these words were too much to take in all at once, but just maybe Vijay is right they might not want to know me. They might not even know I’m alive, I wasn’t even thinking of the consequences. “Vijay your right, they don’t even know if I’m alive, they haven’t even tried to contact me all these years”, Vijay’s was tense he didn’t know what to say he was thinking, it’s just because he knows I’m correct. “Rita, slow down and think more positive, look at you getting more negative. I’m sorry your right, just look at me letting you down, now look what I’ve done.” He looks really disappointed with himself but what he doesn’t know is that he has taken me out of fantasyland all these points mentioned were for a reason, if he didn’t pin point all these then maybe by now I would have been on the point about me moving out with them and staying with them. “Vijay, slow down” confused he looked, “ Vijay I said slow down, turn the car around, turn the car around”, “but why? Rita”, emotions are running high but I need to know who she is? I want to know now! “ Vijay I want to go home,” “now, right now?”
Well, if that’s the only way I will find out then I will need to tell Vijay take me home now. We turned out on the next junction eventually.
“What are you going to do when you get home?” “Good question, I didn’t even think about it, I thought I will storm off and ask my parents and they will tell me,” “Rita wake up, think about it first” “Vijay there has to be something which leads to my identity, you know when your born. ‘Oh my god’ it’s common sense.” ”What Rita, what?”
Vijay seems to be lost just a bit too much, “Birth certificate, well when you’re born everyone gets a birth certificate with your name and your parents name, right?” And he is still lost, “and what has that got to do with anything?, ‘I know…’ the ‘parents name’ in other words your parents name will be there, clever thinking?” finally Vijay brain is working. “Thanks!” “Rita, you’re doing a bit too much thinking you need to start thinking realistic from now on” Vijay has to come out with something like that.
Were not that far away from home and I’m starting to feel tense, my body temperature rising and I have started to feel uncomfortable. I would think it’s the suspense it’s destroying me. Vijay and me were in total silence for the ten minutes before the big moment, we started driving down the road. “Vijay I don’t know if I can do this” calmingly he said, “Rita, no matter what happens I will always be here for you, now it’s time for you to be brave and find out who your parents are if not then at least there names.” These words have built my confidence as a rock and know I’m ready to step in there, “thank you Vijay and I will phone you and let you know what happened” these were my last words before getting out of the car.
‘Ding dong, ding dong,’ “hi! big sis, I thought you had gone” Nisha
was so pleased to see me back but I didn’t have time for all that, “where is mum?” I knew I was being rude but I didn’t have the time to fuss. “Mum is upstairs in her bedroom” I stormed upstairs, Nisha was starring was from the bottom of the steps. I know the words going through her head must have been ‘what happened to her?’
“Mum, mum where is my birth certificate?” she looked scared and upset, “darling what is wrong, what has bought this up and I thought you were meant to be moving today?” I just wanted to know where it is I don’t care about anything. Why did mum look so puzzled? I didn’t quite understand she is just standing not saying a word. “Mum where is my birth certificate?” why isn’t she answering.
‘Oh my,’ she’s in tears “mum what is wrong, what is wrong? Is something I said?” I don’t think so. Mums face in changing colours she looks self-conscious and guilty but about what she has never behaved in this way before.
“Rita there something I have to tell but please don’t be upset, well it happened many years ago. It was winter a very cold night, it gets dark early so I was on my way home in my car driving down singing along to the radio when I saw your mum with a pram with you inside there. It was quite a foggy, there was a lot of traffic I saw your mum with a pushchair walking down the road not taking a lot of notice because I was too busy singing. Gradually the traffic started to move I opened my windows because my car was getting a bit warm and also I couldn’t see outside, ‘waaa, waaa, waaaa, waa’ I thought to myself where is that crying noise coming from, when I realised it was the sound of baby crying, but coming from where? As I started to drive, I looked on left and I saw a pushchair with a foot sticking out. I said to myself, ‘it’s a baby, but where is the mum?’ I waited for one hour, parked on the side waiting for someone to come. But no one, no one came”.
“Since that day I kept you, but I didn’t tell you because didn’t want you to feel as if you got rejected, that is why you don’t have a birth certificate,” I was upset gob smacked with what happened, she didn’t tell me, all these years thinking I was adopted, the story had to come out sooner or later. “Darling you tell, because I certainly did not know what to do. You tell me what you would have done if you were in my position?”
I finally forgave my mum and was very proud of what she did for me admitting this would have taken a lot of courage, I told Vijay I am not adopted and know at last moved out to start a new life at university. I spilled the news to mum, dad and Nisha about Vijay and me being best friends. Asma is totally out of Vijay’s head and has been forgotten about. I now have a birth certificate.
BY
RAHEMA PATEL 10.C
