I guess my parent’s are calling me the outlaw of my family, but I was affected by the environment, my peers, and used my emotions instead of thinking on my own.
I know I owe a lot towards my religion, and I have turned my back on my religion and disobeyed GOD and the beliefs that were passed down from the Prophet (P.B.U.H). But, I pray that GOD grants me a long life to make up for the big mistake that I have committed.”
Subject #2: Graduating senior at AUC,22 years old.
“My grandmother has supported me my whole life. My parents died in a car accident when I was only months old. So, my grandmother took me in and has been supporting me ever since the tragedy.
I guess I always listened to what my grandmother told me because she always knew what was best for me, and she never let me down. My grandmother has been giving me lectures ever since high school that it was time for me to become more conservative.
It came to a point that I didn’t want to disappoint her so, I put on the veil. Not realizing what was ahead of me, I was accepted into university and I actually thought that I would be popular amongst a lot of people. It took me a while to realized, “I thought wrong”. I discovered after my first year that both males and females would not socialize with my, because I was veiled. They are under the impression that because I’m veiled I am not open minded.
After a while, I could not take it, I was so lonely, so bored, I could not take it. I decided that one day, the only solution is to remove the veil, and so I did.
After removing it, I did get the attention that I wanted. I did get to know a lot of people from different countries, but I never felt the same anymore. I felt like something is missing, like a piece of the puzzle was lost. I felt, empty, useless, and I do miss just being lonely and bored. I do still pray, and everyday I pray to Allah that he forgive me for my biggest sin. I really wish I did not wear it from the first place. I was not ready. I just did it so that my grandmother, after investing all this money in my education, to get disappointed. If Allah grants me a long life, I will spend the rest of it asking for forgiveness.
But, I guess the main issue is peer pressure. Every new day, people come up with new ideas that make the peer pressure impossible to withstand. The only way in my opinion to withstand the peer pressure, is by using your brain to think and not listen to your heart and emotions.”
Subject #3: Junior at AUC, 20 years old.
“Now that I think about being veiled, I feel that what I was taught by my parents was incorrect. I was taught that being veiled was protection from the corruption that is in the outside world. I was home schooled for almost all my life and then I decided to study at AUC since my friends had made it seem so exciting and it tempted me to apply.
Before my first day my friends had warned me that the people at AUC were more open minded than I was used to and different than ‘us’. I did not fully understand what that meant until I attended my classes for a few months and started to get to know people, but that is beside the point.
I was veiled since I was 13 years old and to be honest I was very excited at first you see my mother was veiled since the day I saw her and I guess as a little girl I wanted to be like her. I never thought about my veil until I came to AUC. Not that AUC is the reason that I am now not veiled, but it had a lot to do with opening my mind to other options.
I had a lot of trouble trying to convince my parents to go out to new places with my friends, some of which were new, because they are over protective and they get worried easily.
I would still go out and sometimes I wouldn’t tell them, and then I started to feel very guilty, so I decided that I would stop doing this and remain at home the way my parents wanted me to.
I did this for maybe two months, but I started to gain weight and get very anxious, since my friends would call me and tell me about how much fun they were having. My parents were getting worried about my state and they kept asking if there was anything wrong with me, but I just denied it. When my grades came they realized that something was wrong with me since I had very bad grades compared to what they expected. So what happened was I told them that sometimes I want to go out to study, and that I feel strange being locked up because I feel that I am no longer protected but imprisoned. My mother cried and my father was angry with me for a while, but still nothing changed.
I kept going to university, but my parents were not lenient with me at all. They kept associating my freedom with my veil, saying that it was indecent for a girl that is veiled to be coming home so late at night and stuff. So I started to hate my veil. None of my friends were veiled and honestly I started to feel a little left out because I did not know how to answer any questions when they would ask me. It was becoming hard and I started to feel very self conscious when I walked into classes or even in the university.
I do not consider myself extremely religious but I would like to think that I am a pious person; I pray five times a day and I fast and do all the things that my parents taught me to do when I was younger.
But somehow I started to get annoyed in the morning if my friends would be with me in the car, they would all be dressed up and had their hair done and I think maybe I was jealous. I had never felt so bad about myself and I didn’t know what to do since the veil symbolized a way of life for me not simply a cloth on my head. So I asked my friend for her opinion and she told me that she believes that if I am comfortable taking the veil off then I should try it at least.
I went home and I was very excited about the next day at university, and my mother realized that something was wrong with me. So I told her that tomorrow I do not plan to wear the veil. She was shocked but she did not oppose the idea, which made me even more excited. But when I woke up I didn’t know what to do or how my friends would react, I felt so scared. So I didn’t go to university and instead spent the day crying at home. I will never forget this period of my life because I felt that I was being choked the whole time. I cried to my mother and I told her that I needed her to help me, so she talked to me and convinced me that this is only a phase. I was very angry with this opinion, so the next day I had enough guts to go to university without a veil. My friends did not recognize me and my teachers tried to avoid commenting but I could feel more eyes on me than ever before. I left my class early because I was so embarrassed, but when I came back down to my friends they were so happy for me, they made me feel that this was simply a change in my life that I was trying out. I got many comments about having really nice hair, and this made me even happier, but at the same time I was afraid of what my father would do. Surely he was angry when I got home; he claimed that I was a disgrace to the family. But I tried to bring up the fact that my aunt was not veiled, and that taking the veil off my head is not going to change who I am. My father was angry for a while, but I think that now he is used to it. I was veiled for 5 years, until I entered university at 18, and took it off. I am not planning to be veiled again until later on in my life, when I realize that I truly want to make this decision. I love my parents so much and although at the time they disagreed with my decisions, they do not mention my being veiled anymore and they have become a little more lenient about my social life. I am very happy and I believe that not being veiled has made me a more confident social person.”
Subject #4: An AUC graduate, 23 years old.
“Taking my veil off was a decision that I made after I got married, which was when I was 22, precisely a year and a half ago. I got veiled when I was 19 years old, and was fully convinced that I was doing the right thing. My parents are really supportive of everything that I do and the sometimes crazy decisions that I make but to be honest I didn’t inform them when I got veiled and when I took it off. I was more concerned with my boyfriend at the time, because he was the one that actually put the idea in my head to get veiled. My friends talked to me about it, some of my friends are veiled to this day, but they neither encouraged nor discouraged me. They were supportive and I felt a little lost really but I have always gone after what I wanted no matter what people said.
After I got veiled my boyfriend was happier that I had decided to explore being veiled. I was not comfortable since I am the type of girl that goes out a lot and likes parties and likes to dance. I don’t know how I managed to stay veiled for two years, but I felt that without my boyfriend (now my husband) I would not have been able to tolerate it.
I got engaged when I graduated at 21 years of age, and then, six months later we got married. In the six months I was discussing with my fiancé the idea of taking the veil off. I felt that it was hindering me from a lot of things, I cannot name anything off the top of my head, but I remember sometimes feeling that I want to just walk out without a veil. It is hard to maintain. When I realized that my fiancé would not be upset by my decision, I removed the veil on the night of my wedding, and everyone was surprised because they did not see it coming at all.
My wedding was beautiful and I think that it would have been extremely different with my veil since my demeanor would have had to change. I would have had to act differently and it was my own wedding! I wanted to act whichever way I wanted.
There is no one veiled in my family and it had nothing to do with taking my veil off. I am very happy with my decision and I do not believe that I will get veiled in the future. But we never know what the future holds.”
Subject #5: Former AUC student, currently studying abroad in Europe, 21 years old.
“I never thought in my whole life that I would get veiled. There was never a point in my life that I can remember when I wasn’t partying, drinking, and having fun with friends. I went into the profession of acting, and I was very successful, or at least as successful as u can be in Egypt.
I entered AUC at 18 years old and I was not veiled at all. My second year in AUC I entered university veiled and wearing more conservative clothing than usual. My friends were shocked, but I did not mind much.
I always doodle on my notebooks the phrase ‘I love ?’. Now I have started to write ‘I love God’. It made so much sense to me to be veiled because it brought me closer to God and allowed me to display my love for Him. I would spend the day with my (new) veiled friends and we would simply talk about religion and God’s glory and pray. I had so much fun and it gave me so much gratification, a sensation I had never felt before in my life.
The problem is, my parents did not agree with this idea. They were very upset with me and wouldn’t speak to me for a long time. My older sister who is a famous Egyptian actress now brought up the problems that the veil would create for my career. I told everyone that I did not agree and I went through with what I wanted regardless of their opposing opinions.
In the three months that followed, I started to feel uncomfortable with my parents, and the sensation of being close to God started to waver, which was a huge problem since that gratification was what compensated for all the criticism I was receiving.
I did not miss the fun that I used to have before getting veiled. I didn’t even think about it. I was always allowed to do whatever I wanted, so it was not a big deal. No one in my family was veiled so I was not familiar with that way of life, and I had no idea of the commitment that assisted it.
I do not think that I was old enough to handle it, so I decided that maybe I was better off without it. Although I did miss certain things like drinking and partying, I did not notice this until after the veil was off, and I got back to my older friends.
Once I started to get back to my old daily life I realized that I honestly didn’t miss being veiled.
I do not believe that I will get veiled again anytime soon because I am serious about my career as an actress and there are no veiled actresses yet. I believe that my decision to get veiled was between myself and God, and my decision to take it off was more circumstantial.”
Subject #6: Currently attends AUC as a junior, 21 years old.
“I was veiled for a period of 5 months during my sophomore year at AUC. The idea came to me when the month of Ramadan arrived, since I wanted to get into the spirit and really devote myself to the Holy month.
Many other girls as well as myself, got veiled and decided we would stay the entire month of Ramadan this way. I did not stop going out or any of that, I stayed the same and my attitude with people was the same, none of that ‘I don’t speak to guys’ or ‘I don’t shake guys’ hands’.
My boyfriend was supportive; he actually brought the idea up in my head to remain veiled even after Ramadan for as long as I could handle it, just to see how the way of life would change. I realized that it isn’t that difficult to do and I remained veiled for quite a while after Ramadan. My level of piety did not change, and my attitude towards religion didn’t either. I began to feel that being veiled was portraying me as something that I am not. People treated me for the most part as though I had undergone a sex change. I do not know why they did this because prior to the veiling I could have sworn they were my friends. Anyway, being veiled really made me notice who liked me for me and who didn’t like me at all.
I took off my veil because it started to make me self-conscious. My friends told me at first that the feeling of the cloth around your head and neck would fade, but I did not stop feeling my veil until I took it off. Many people made fun of me for keeping it on, as many had made fun of me for being veiled only during Ramadan. Some thought it was religiously wrong and some praised me and criticized me behind my back. I have to say, being veiled opened my eyes to a lot of social controversy happening around me that I was not aware of.
A few months afterwards, I began to actually dread putting the veil on, so I stopped. I refused to put something on when I felt that it was not of my character, not what I am meant to do. I understand why so many girls get veiled overnight, but at least 60% of those girls remove their veil a few months afterwards. It is not the veil that you put on your head, but the veil around your heart. If you truly believe in God, then people will feel this no matter what is on or not on your head.”
Analysis:
After gathering the results of the interview I went on to reread them carefully and attempt to analyze them as best I could from a psychological point of view. Each subject had a different story behind her; however the themes of self esteem and parental opposition seemed to come up more than once.
- The first subject I interviewed suffered from a family tradition. The idea of a veil was something like the concept of puberty. Once you are old enough, it happens. This character was a submissive one, wanting to please her parents and family, not wanting to oppose the majority vote. However she was unhappy with the lifestyle that was forced upon her, since she had almost no choice in getting veiled. There are many factors that may lead to a person getting veiled, but none of those factors had anything to do with what the girl actually wanted for herself. Once the veil was off, she became overwhelmed with freedom, and it is unlikely that she will ever go back to being veiled, since she had proven to herself (or at least attempted to convince herself) that the veil was nothing but a hindrance to what college life should be like.
- The second subject in my opinion seemed to be the victim of the older generations wishes. Her grandmother was her only parent, there was no one else to turn to for shelter or advice, and when the person who is wisest in your eyes asks you to do something, you will do it. This girl had no intention of ever putting on a veil. She was simply responding to the wishes of her grandmother. Surprisingly there was no mention of the bond between her and God, or if perhaps being veiled made her feel more pious. She did not go along with it because she could not force it upon herself. She is happier and more satisfied now.
- The third subject I interviewed had no idea what a veil was. She simply found herself in a veil because she looked up to her mother, who wore one. She was taught that the concept of concealing yourself inside conservative clothing would protect you from any harm in the outside world. She did not have the chance to ever enter the outside world because of how overprotective her parents are over her. She was not able to make any decisions on her own and was struggling through every decision even after it was made. She is now developing, finding herself, and searching within for who she really is.
- The fourth subject I interviewed seemed to be confident enough to try new things. I felt that putting on a veil for her at first was simply like trying a new fashion statement. There was the role of the boyfriend at play, and wanting to please someone at the start of a relationship is understandable, but does not prove to be enough to change the way you live apparently. She is happier now, having made a conscious, individual decision to not wear a veil.
- The fifth subject was somewhat different since she was the only one who spoke of a career where a veil would actually make a difference in her success. There was nothing holding her to her decision except herself, so when she started to hesitate she simply took away what she perceived to be the problem. I believe that she got veiled for the right reasons, speaking of her love to God, feeling it was just the right thing to do. However, the change of lifestyle was too much to handle, and she is much happier now.
- The sixth subject was a typical situation. Just like smoking a cigarette, at first you keep it in between your fingers and blow out the cloudy smoke, enjoying how it envelopes you. Then you begin to realize that you might want that cigarette for different reasons other than fitting in or blowing smoke. Unfortunately, this girl did not find any deeper reason to remain veiled. She was criticized openly about it and there did not seem to be anyone who may have even wanted to continue in the same path as herself.
Themes:
There were certain redundant themes that kept popping up each time I would speak to a girl. The concepts visited were:
- Parental opposition
- Confidence
- Self image
- Peer pressure
- Support or lack thereof.
- The idea of ‘trying out’ wearing a veil, or not wearing a veil.
- The veil is a way of life
The girls may have had different stories, with different people caring about various factors, however they all were true to themselves, which is something they should be prided on, considering that it is one of the hardest things to do when all those around you simply do not understand what you are trying to achieve.
The self consciousness bothered many girls because of their image of themselves that they were used to. Many methods of behavior had to change while they were veiled, and the girls were obviously unable to maintain this new lifestyle, which brings to mind another tenet of discussion, viewing the veil as a way of life.
Clothes need to be changed, men need to be banned out of one’s life, and one’s demeanor must automatically change to become more pious, if not for your own image then for the other veiled girls who are trying so hard to portray a certain image.
Conclusion:
This subject was fascinating for me since I was greatly curious about what was behind a decision of this magnitude.
Personally I do not have any veiled women in the family, however I do not believe that being veiled makes them any different from myself. I would not personally get veiled however not knowing enough about what being veiled entails I would not be able to predict my opinions in the future.
The reasons behind girls taking off their veils had a lot to do with the pressure that they felt upon themselves. It seemed that they were searching for something that they thought they would find under a veil , but grew to realize was not located there.
This subject still fascinates me and I would recommend researching this topic further if I had more willing volunteers as well as more time and resources.
Critical Review:
I conducted research surrounding the factors that lead to the veiling and unveiling of a woman in Cairo, specifically in AUC. The sample that I chose was from the students of our university since I believed I would be able to understand their reasons and lifestyles.
Throughout my research period I faced some problems that hindered my research but I was able to overcome them and continue.
The most common problem I faced was that of the sensitivity of the subject. Not many girls want to talk about why they ‘abandoned their faith’ by taking off their veils. Unfortunately they do not realize that they are their own biggest critics, and try hard to escape whenever the subject is brought up.
- I had a problem while deciding what to research, since I was not sure of how specific I could be or how general I should be. I chose this subject because I believe that it is a question in the minds of every woman who is not veiled, including my own.
- The next step for me was deciding on how I would gather the information that I would need to write my report. It was not easy since I had to be careful of what to ask and how personal to get. Eventually, through speaking with interviewee’s and observing their reactions, I came to a medium that was comfortable for both me and the interviewee.
- Following this, I had to find my subjects, and go through getting rejected by almost half of the subjects that I had run around university trying to find. The subject was a sensitive and controversial one, and I wanted to be as fair as I could.
- While conducting my interviews I realized that rather than question-answer form, the technique was turning into a more conversational one. I suggested recording the conversations, but every single girl refused to have me do that. So, in order to proceed, I had to write down every word I could get out of them. I tried to establish trust in the beginning, explaining how confidential this is and how the information that any of them were not prepared to reveal would remain concealed, which seemed to do the job. The girls were all strangers to me at first, and it was difficult maintaining a discussion with someone you hardly know, but it got easier as the interviews went along.
- The last stage of my research was writing up the paper, which was not difficult yet it was tedious since I tried to piece together each interview and put it in a monologue form. I did not want to include everything because I feared it would have made the report unnecessarily long and boring.
It was a pleasure speaking with the interviewee’s and I was honored to know the reasons behind each girls actions. I believe that religion and anything faceted under it is fascinating and hope to visit the subject again soon.
