The concern about physical and emotional abuse, among adolescent mothers toward their children, does not show consistent results. Some researchers seem to account for more abuse happening, while others do not find a correlation between age of adolescent mother and either physical or emotional abuse (Moore, 1996) However, adolescents are considered at risk for atypical parenting behavior (Hanson, 1990). Research has shown that young parents tend to be more intolerant, impatient, insensitive, and prone to use physical punishment with their children. Young mothers were also found to more likely to express hostility towards their children (p. 631). “The rebellious teens” is a term associated with the negative attitudes and poor judgments adolescents choose in their teen years. How can adolescent mothers become mature and responsible in nine months? These young rebellious teens do not show the maturity that would illustrate their readiness to parent.
Even with evidence available showing the risks of young adolescent mothers raising their children, it is compelling that only five percent of teenagers relinquish their child to be raised by other adults(Cervera 1993). Statistics suggest that 80% to 90% of adolescents who initially intend to relinquish their child change their mind during the pregnancy (Cervera, 1993). Cervera suggests that the reason this discrepancy occurs is due to the fact that the young adolescent’s behavior intent does not coincide with the resulting behavior. Initially the intent is to relinquish the child for adoption, but when outside influences, such as family, boyfriend, and peers, are strong and of a different opinion, the adolescent’s determining factors for decision making become impulsive and emotional(p.358). The research repeatedly shows that young adolescent mothers do not make factual, investigated decisions, but are much more easily influenced by their families, friends, and their emotions.
The reality is that the overwhelming majority of adolescent mothers remain living with their families (SmithBattle, 1996), and raise their children in an intergenerational home. The research in this area leaves us with more questions than answers. Many factors contribute to the outcome of three generations living under one roof. SmithBattle claims ( 1996; as cited in Apfel & Seitz, 1991, p. 56) there are three kinds of family involvement: role sharing families, where the obligations and responsibilities for child-care are flexibly shared; role binding families, in which the care giving tasks and responsibilities were performed by the adolescent mother exclusively; role blocking families, characterized by the adolescent mother abdicating the maternal role. Considering the fact that many families where adolescent pregnancies occur are not as nurturing and intact as a family where pregnancy does not occur (Hanson, 1990) it would be rational to believe that the added tension a pregnancy and a new born bring to the family would cause considerable stress and disharmony to the home. Also for the fact that initially the consequences of the adolescent’s actions did not deter her from having sex, it would seem improbable that the family would become a role sharing family. The research found that the role sharing family aided the most in the positive upbringing of the child, but it was even more positive when the adolescent mother lived separate from her home, but continued to have a positive relationship with her family, especially her mother (p. 639). Adolescent mothers, trying to fill the role of adult mother, are often confused and find reality far different from their expectations. As the following anecdotes indicate, there are no easy answers.
In Annie’s Baby, edited by Beatrice Sparks, the young teenage woman finds herself pregnant because of peer pressure and the desire to keep her boyfriend. Throughout the diary, she struggles with her emotions, loneliness, depression, and love for her unborn child. With her mothers support, she attempts to raise the child and continue with her education. After the first initial weeks of crying, screaming, and illness, Annie gets to go back to school with her baby. But she cannot cope with the enormity of her task, and sinks into a deep depression. Annie was one adolescent who realized her inadequacy when trying a parent her child, and finally she decides to relinquish the child for another adult couple to raise. Although this was not a scientific study is does show the struggle facing adolescent mothers. Depression is more prevalent in adolescent mothers and the absence of recognizing and coping with that depression flourishes (Cervera, 1993).
In Suzanne Arms book, To love and let go (1983), the lives of four adolescent mothers who relinquish their children are explored and analyzed. “Giving a child up out of love and respect for its needs is one form of mothering” (p. xv. This sentiment is echoed throughout the post-relinquishing period as adolescent mothers come to terms with their decision. The paradox of feelings that a young mother has are resonated in the statement made by one of the adolescent mothers. She illustrates these feelings by saying, “she felt inseparably connected to this child she’d born, yet hated the reality of that connection” (p. 187). The guilt and depression are real and life lasting, but perhaps giving the child a more stable and mature home is reward in itself. The argument for keeping and raising the child herself could be a choice, by the adolescent mother, to avoid feeling like a “bad” mother, again irresponsible after making a mistake. Arms illustrated this by giving us a small window into the life of a single mother who chooses to raise her child. This mother feels very fragile, emotionally and physically, very alone and feels that her ability to parent is compromised (p. 67). Possibly the more serious mistake would be to keep the child, when the ability to adequately care for the child, is lacking.
Because of the vast amount of evidence supporting the argument that teenage mothers do not adequately parent their children, it is difficult to imagine the positive outcome when the adolescent mother chooses to raise her child. A most recent study (Davies, McKinnon, & Rains, 2001), examines perspectives from teen mothers and how they negotiate, with those around them, to create a family after the birth of their child. The question of whether to relinquish the child for adoption is not even considered by these young mothers, but within the context of family, friends, and boyfriends, they strive to create relationships that would be best for themselves and the child. These young women all knew quite extensively about birth control, but the irresponsibility and inconsistency of use, for such reasons as discomfort, loss of sensation, not wanting to put anything foreign in her body (Davies et al. 2001), took precedence over the possibility of losing the moment. Further more, a pregnancy was not an error, but the adolescent mother “often welcomed their pregnancies and were actively engaged in negotiations with boyfriends, fathers of their children, their own families, and their boyfriends’ families to create support structures for themselves and their children” (p. 83).
Davies et al. argue that society, specifically families and professional health workers; begin to understand, encourage, and support young mothers to critically reflect on their relationships and parenting responsibilities (Davies et al.). Practitioners must begin to examine the assumptions surrounding adolescent raising their children, and…”begin to challenge the repressive dominant discourse around teen pregnancy and birth” (p. 98). Without the support and understanding from those around them, adolescent mothers will never learn the skills and responsibilities needed to parent successfully. To always understand another persons choices is unrealistic, but to respect and respond to their choices with concern and consideration is required if we wish to live in harmony with ourselves and successfully change the negative cycle surrounding teen parenting. Because young teen adolescents will, at least in part, choose to raise their children, society must be respectful of this choice and educate itself to ensure the well-being of the child.
The adoption option has lost exposure and viability in the past decade because some women have felt coerced into relinquishing their children, the feeling of abandonment became very real for adoptive children, and these adopted children questioning why they had been “given up”. These questions were difficult to answers when no one would talk about these issues. Today that is changing with the trend toward open adoptions. Bruce Regier (Adoptive), an adoptive parent, illustrates how open adoption can ensure the psychological, emotional, and physical well-being of the child.
Regier says,
We believe that this relationship is best for our son. He has unlimited access of
information about his birth family’s past so that any natural curiosity about his
heritage can be addressed. There is no need for him to become obsessed with
unanswered questions….I am sure she [birth mother] will continue to grieve over
the loss of her son, but she will be better able to deal with those feelings in the
context of open adoption.
There are many positive consequences for the child when being adopted by mature parents who are financially stable and are not struggling to finish their education. The open adoption allows the birth mother to choose who she feels would be the best parents to her child, and then is insured that she can keep in touch with the child as he grows up. This would appear to be a solution for the young adolescent who is not capable or responsible enough to care for her child, yet also give her the opportunity to know that the child will continue to be a part of her life.
In interviews with parents of adoptive children, it was obvious that their children were wanted and cared for. By the time a couple discovers they are infertile, the waiting lists, at Child and Family Services, are ten years for a baby. It pains these couples to see pregnant teenagers misuse their bodies, or seemingly take pregnancy for granted, when they long for a child. An adoptive parent describes her emotions this way… “When I discovered I was infertile I was crushed. It seemed that everywhere I looked, ever street corner, there were pregnant women, some of them children themselves. I would have given anything to be entrusted with one of those babies.”
For adolescent children having children, the issue to relinquish or raise her child is a difficult one. The ability to produce a child does not necessitate the ability to parent. Research clearly shows that children of adolescent mothers are at a disadvantage cognitively, behaviorally, and emotionally, both as infants and later as young adults. The adolescent mother should consider adoption as a viable option. To relinquish a child can be a blessing for all involved.
