Haille: Why don’t you that ape guard of yours to do it? He’s big enough you may as well call him king Kong.
(Audience chuckle)
Paul: (laughing) Do you here that Jamie!? (Shouting to the end of the stage)
(Audience giggle)
Paul: So then Haille, what’s first object to banish?
Haille: Well it would definitely have to be spiders, I absolutely hate them!
(A rubber spider comes out on the conveyer belt and stops under a large silver tube with room 101 marked on it)
Paul: I think we’ve gathered that (smiling)
(Audience giggle)
Haille: But honestly what purpose do they serve?
Paul: Well they kill other nasty little bugs like flies.
Haille: Well isn’t that what insect repellent does?
(Audience chuckle)
Paul: (laughs) yes that’s true but then again they are part of the food chain.
Haille: I’m sure nobody would mind if we replaced them with insect repellent.
Paul: (chuckles) no but surely it would upset the food chain?
Haille: How come?
Paul: Because if all the bugs are killed what will the birds eat?
Haille: Worms.
Paul: What will the worms eat?
Haille: Dirt.
Paul: (chuckles) I could go on forever with this, but who likes spiders any way?
Haille: Do you? (Shouting to the audience)
(noooo audience boom, Haille grinning)
Paul: Well that says it all (pulling the lever) I banish spiders into room 101 (A hover like sound is made and the spider is sucked up into room 101)
(Audience clap)
Haille: (Smiling)
Paul: (Chuckles) well I’m glad someone’s happy now.
Haille: Quite!
Paul: Well what’s the next poor little thing you’re going to banish off the show?
(Audience giggle)
(A silver dinner dish comes out on the conveyer belt and stop under the long silver tube leading to room 101)
Paul: Please don’t tell me you hate eating. (looking a little worried)
(Audience laugh)
Haille: No don’t be silly.
Paul: Well what does it represent then?
Haille: It represents people eating with their mouths open. (Haille takes off the lid and sounds of munching, gulping and burping are heard)
Paul: What’s wrong with that? (Saying sarcastically)
Haille: Well apart from it being totally bad manners and disgusting?
Paul: True, but on saying that when I’m enjoying my meal I do tend to open my mouth, and no one can help burping.
Haille: (Looking a little disgusted) I see… unless the person can’t breathe through their nose, I can understand why there eating with there mouths open but other wise it’s just gross, and I understand no one can help burping but I find it so disgusting when they belch the alphabet!
(Audience laugh and break into applause)
Paul: (chuckling) so is it just the bad manners you don’t like or have you had some bad experiences?
Haille: Matter of fact I have had a bad experience (leaning back in her chair) once I was in a restaurant with my sister, her husband and toddler Tom who had just turned 2 she was getting him to eat his veggies and potatoes, she put some broccoli in her mouth and started chewing rather loudly and saying to him “ this is how you do it” then the little boy stuffed his mouth with broccoli and they were both chewing with their mouths open starring at each other, nodding their heads (Haille doing the movements).(Paul and the audience laugh) me and her husband found it hilarious. She just ignored us and stuffed her mouth with some potatoes not realising they were steaming hot, she went bright red and she jumped up screaming with her mouth full with bits of potato flying everywhere not even thinking at the time to spit it out then finally she bent over and spat it out all over her dinner, her husband and the waiter were in hysterics while I was busy restraining her son from copying her. (Audience and Paul laugh and clap). I couldn’t eat potatoes or any sort of greens for a week!
Paul: Well we’ve all done that!
Haille: What jumped up and danced about? I usually blow on my food.
Paul: (Chuckling) no but if it’s a really nice meal then you don’t want to spit it out you have to wave your hands at your face and jump about until its ok to swallow.
Haille: So instead of simply blowing your food you’d dance about and burn your mouth? Okay but I’d rather blow on my food then burn my tongue and social status!
(Paul, Haille and audience laugh)
Paul: Well based on the story that I’ve just heard it’s better to blow on your food then do the cha cha slide and spit it out… I banish eating with your mouth open to room 101. (Paul pulls the lever and the whole dish is sucked up into room 101)
(Audience applaud)
Paul: Well Haille what’s the last minor thing you want to send to room 101? (After the words room 101 lighting bolts are heard, audience chuckle)
Haille: Well that’s an easy one it would have to be siblings!
Paul: I wouldn’t know, I was the youngest I had an older sister but she was never around so it was like being an only child.
(Audience awwww)
Haille: So you got everything you wanted?
Paul: Yes and it was great!
(Audience laugh)
Haille: I wonder why she was never around. I hope you were nothing like my little brothers; they were always out to get me in trouble. But I think the worst thing about them was that they were so vain always looking in the mirror at their imaginary muscles.
(Audience laugh)
Paul: No I was never like that (looking a little embarrassed)
Haille: Oh really (raising her eyebrows) well we’re about to find out.
Paul: huh? (Looking scared and confused)
(The yellow and purple door Haille walked out of is opened and Paul’s sister comes out, a secret floor board next to Haille is opened and another leather chair comes up Paul’s sister takes a seat)
Haille: Hi Jenna thanks for coming.
Jenna: Well anything for my precious baby brother (saying in a sarcastic voice)
(Audience laugh)
Jenna: Wow there’s a lot of cobwebs behind that door!
Haille: Tell me about it!
(Audience and Haille laugh, audience break into applause)
Haille: So tell me about Paul when he was younger.
(Paul looking slightly embarrassed)
Jenna: Where do I begin? He was the worst little brother alive; he used to show off all the time, he was so annoying he never left me alone and was always listening in on my conversations on the phone, I could never have any privacy that’s why I was hardly at home.
Haille: Well at least your mum let you out! I had to do a week of slavery if I just wanted to go out on a Saturday!
(Audience laugh and break into applause)
Jenna: Oh that reminds me; my mum told me that he used to get so lonely when I wasn’t there so he used to get loads of attention and have my mum call him Pauly!
(Audience laugh and Paul goes red)
Paul: You’re such a liar! You’re the one who used to call me that and then mum found it hilarious so she started calling me it as well I used to hate it!
(Audience chuckle)
Jenna: (Laughing) Oh I only did that you to stop embarrassing me when I was on the phone.
Paul: Yeah but that was my job!
Jenna: No your job was to leave me alone and stay out of my life and get on with your own. But you obviously didn’t have one at the time.
(Haille giggles)
Paul: Well I would of but mum paid me a pound every time I found out what you were talking about on the phone and finding out what boy you liked. Oh and I got two pound for every time I annoyed you when you were with boys!
(Audience laughing and clapping Jenna looking shocked)
Jenna: How did you found out what boys I liked I never said any thing about boys cause you would always listen.
Paul: read your diary
(Audience boo and hiss)
Paul: Like you wouldn’t if you had the chance!
(Audience chuckle)
Jenna: (Looking very shocked) so you’re saying mum paid you to do all of that.
Paul: (Grinning) yep
Jenna: Well now I don’t feel so bad for telling your first crush that you wet the bed until you were thirteen and you were scared of the dark.
(Audience gasp and laugh)
Paul: So lets why she suddenly stopped liking me (Looking shocked) I never quite got over that.
(Haille quietly starts giggling and the audience join in)
Paul: That was evil Jenna.
Jenna: Well you can’t say you didn’t deserve it!
(Audience clap)
Paul: (Talking to the audience) what’ve you lot got to do with it??
(Audience start to boo and hiss)
Haille: Well thanks for coming and publicly shaming your brother Jenna (chuckling)
(Audience laugh)
Jenna: The pleasures all mine, thanks for having me. (She stands up and makes her way to the door she came from)
(Audience applause and whistle)
Paul: Wait! You don’t want to go through that door it has cobwebs remember (he points her into the direction of the large silver tube)
Jenna: Oh yes thank you (she makes her way to the tube next to the conveyer belt and looks around) are you sure there’s a door over here?
Paul: Yes look up.
(She looks up and Paul pulls the leaver and she is sucked up into room 101 sounds of her screaming are heard)
(Audience laugh loudly and break into applause)
Paul: I’m not going to put little brothers into room 101 they’re too cute like me.
(Audience boo and hiss and Haille joins in)
Paul: That’s not going to make me change my mind; it’s my show (chuckles)
Haille: Well at least I got my way for the other two!
Paul: Well that’s it for tonight’s show ladies and gentlemen, thanks for joining us Haille.
Haille: No problem I had a great time.
(The ‘cha cha slide’ is played and the audience whistle and clap loudly. The camera stops filming the stage and the cast names are shown until music fades and the end)
