Compare the ways in which Larkin and Abse talk about families

In direct contrast, Abse describes his son as "his chameleon", which again suggests that children are a continuation of oneself, however the positive connotations associated with the language used, "my soft diamond" suggests that Abse sees this as a extension of himself, rather than a dilution. Abse also touches upon the negative side to children, using the juxtaposition of "order and chaos" to show the two sides to adolescents. Nevertheless, Abse states "I love you for it", suggesting that the positive outweighs the negative, whereas Larkin only comments on the deprivation of self that is associated with children.

Larkin also presents marriage negatively through Talking in bed, as he suggests marriage is stagnation between two people. Whilst conventionally, and within Abse's poetry, marriage is seen as a solution to loneliness, Larkin suggests the opposite, "unique distance from isolation", which suggests marriage still allows loneliness to creep in. By uses the repetition of "more and more" he creates a monotonous tone which reflects the monotony of marriage from Larkin's point of view. However, Larkin does allude to an understanding of the conventional and purpose of marriage through "ought to be easiest", suggest he sees the desired effect but sees in to deceiving of real marriages. The use of nature as a reflection of marriage continues the negative mood, as the oxymoron "incomplete unrest" suggests a purgatorial state, which is worse than either extreme, which is later shown in "not unkind", suggesting they are stuck between two ends of happiness and misery. He also uses the "dark town" as a reflection of their feelings towards one another, as he states "none of this cares for us", just as they seemingly don't care for each other. However, he uses the image of the clouds, "build and disperse" to suggest that the failure of marriage is inevitable, just like dispersal of the clouds, and by using the image of nature he suggests this is beyond the couple's control, like the weather. it could be argued that this is a slightly more positive interpretation of marriage, as although it presents the convention as pointless, it shifts the blame of failure from individuals.

 As is to be expected, Abse presents the stark opposite in a scene from married life, as he suggests that a "squabble" with his wife has clearly affected him to an extent to suggest that marriage and his wife are clearly important to him. Through words such as "broodingly" and "monstrous", Abse suggests that the negative mood he feels now is a stark contrast to before the fight with his wife, thus suggesting marriage is a positive thing in his life. Just as Larkin suggests that there is "distance" between  a couple "talking in bed", in postcard to his wife, Abse creates a similar image with a juxtaposed meaning through "the bed's too big" suggesting this distance comes from physical separation and usually he is physically and emotionally close, with no suggestion of ever trying not to use "unkind" words. In the Malham Bird , Abse also reflects emotions in nature, but whereas Larkin presents nature as cruel and uncaring, Abse's images of "the friendly gull" and "the hidden beach" shows nature to have positive connotations of warmth, as is felt between Abse and "Joan", his wife. It could also be argued that Abse creates an almost miniature anthology with these three poems, as they are all positioned together, which clearly shows a deep affection for her.

Larkin does once show a connection between him and a family member, his mother, in Reference Back, but suggests that there needs to be a mediator, namely music, in order to connect with his family. Through “I shall I suppose always remember the flock notes those antique negroes blew”, Larkin creates a positive feeling despite using generally negative words, “antique negroes”. However, this is shown to be a brief connection, as the repetition of “unsatisfactory” suggests that this is not enough to create a connection between the two people. Again, the repetition can also suggest that Larkin sees “time at home” as monotonous; hence he “wastes it”. Contrastingly, Abse never suggests the need for an intermediary between him and is mother, as shown in A winter visit”, as he makes “speaks of small approximate things”, suggesting a level of comfort between the two people. The mood of this poem is hugely affectionate, which is obviously shown through “this winter I’m half dead/ And because it’s true I want to cry”, which clearly indicates a connection between Abse and his mother.

Overall, Larkin sees family as a burden and a “dilution” of himself. As he once said, “it is not people but children I dislike”, which is clearly reflected in Dockery and Son, Larkin finds the idea of children to ‘close doors’ in your life, indicating they somehow lessen you. He is also disparaging towards marriage, implying it is a kind of stagnant purgatory, whereas Abse speaks lovingly about both his son and his wife. Larkin does once indicate a connection between him and his mother but it requires music in order to take off, suggesting that Larkin never sees families as the counterbalance from death that Abse does.