In this day and time, with relationships not lasting longer than an average of three years, having a child seems to have no effect on whether or not the father will still be around to help raise him or her. In the event that the father does participate in raising the child, the bulk of the responsibility of caring for the child is usually left to the mother. This added responsibility may conflict with dreams and plans that the mother may have had for her. In the event that the mother has a career, juggling her job, her homemaking responsibility, and caring for a child can take its toll. This added responsibility being placed on the woman, almost always results in problems in the home life.
In the case of a relationship gone badly, the woman is left with the burden of providing an income, and caring for the household and the child’s needs (both physical and emotional). When one person is given such a responsibility, both parties suffer. With so much to do, the parent is usually left with little or no time for themselves, and not much more time for the child as well. Not having enough time to spend with the child often leaves the child feeling neglected and uncared for, and the mother feeling unappreciated and taken advantage of.
Much of the emotional problems of our youth today stem from their feelings of neglect by his or her parents. Because of these feelings, children may harbor resentments towards their parents. Although parents may sense these feelings and misinterpret them as ungratefulness on the child’s part, this miscommunication is a definite recipe for long term disaster. Each one goes on day-to-day, hoping the situation will get better; each unknowingly neglecting the others wants and needs to feel loved and appreciated.
It seems that this situation of families not recognizing their children’s emotional needs is an uphill battle. With both spouses working in most marriages today, how is a woman to handle her obligations to the household and to her employer? Spreading herself so thin is bound to cause someone suffering. This is exactly what causes much of the problems in our society today. People have children without being prepared for all that it entails. Either they are not prepared financially, or they are not prepared to make the commitments that are necessary to be a good parent. When one is not prepared, the children suffer by having too many mixed emotions, and having to deal with feelings that they are not loved or cared for.
Those not prepared to make all the necessary commitments end up with children who are raised mainly by babysitters, daycares, or nannies, simply because the parents do not have time to devote to the children themselves. Even though to an extent, these possible options may seem to be “just the perfect” solution, it is not. It is not that the children do not adapt to their caretakers; rather, they become frustrated and angry with their seldom present parents in the long run. For example, a baby-sitter will tend a child, but she will not care as much about the child as the child’s parents for she will have her own priorities and obligations. Moreover, although a daycare does allow the child to interact and develop strong and sincere relationships with other children, it fails to provide direct attention essential for consoling and protection. And, the children will be the first to take notice of this on top of the minimal day-to-day interactions that they will have with their parents. So then, where is the quality time that the child requires and deserves? It is then that the parents may opt for a live-in nanny, who will provide complete childcare services for the family, everything from A through Z, and keenly partake in the process of the child’s physical, emotional, and intellectual growth. But just when everything seems to have finally fallen into the picture and is all well and lovely, the topic of financial security pops out in front of the light. Bearing in mind that hiring live-in nannies tend to be the most costly childcare option available, the parents once again find themselves in a dilemma.
No matter whichever groups of caretakers the parents hire, the children’s perception of their parents not being able to spend time with them will cause the parent’s goal of improving their situation to only backfire. And the only remaining outcome will lead the family to be harmed or destroyed in the process. Therefore, in order to avoid such a disaster to occur, the best solution would be for the parents to try to arrange their schedules so that one parent will always be able to stay with the children. This can be accomplished in numerous amounts of ways. However, the most accepted and the most contemporary of them all is indisputably for the parents to work from home. The world as it is in this very present day is not like what it was in the past. Hence, due to the effectiveness and the vast increase of seamless internet and email technology, it is possible for the parents to establish home-based businesses; and accordingly, get their jobs done from home. Working in this manner would allow the mother or the father to be flexible with their schedule, and as a result, aid to provide a better home environment in nurturing their children. At long last, both the parents and the children are able to be content with each other.
Although some people may argue that working different shifts while maintaining the “stay and work from home” schedule will lead the father, mother, and the child to have very little time to be together as a family, a real-life story that stems from my immediate first cousin’s family defies this assertion. According to my cousin, Dimple, who takes turn with her husband every other day to work from home in order take care of their three-year old daughter, “there is no other prime replacement for having a mother or father stay at home to develop a caring and bonding relationship and to educate the child with life’s lessons.” Dimple emphasizes the need for parents to love a child and for a child to receive that love, and from the way I see the three of them, no matter how busy the two parents may be, they never show or leave a single opportunity for anybody to claim that they are not together as a family.
Others may claim that the mother or the father may not have all the time they need by multitasking between getting their jobs done and taking care of the child at the same time, and the added stress would result in meaningless punishment or scolding towards the child. Although this objection sounds valid in each and every way, it is important to take into account that it is not just one person (mother or father) that is in control of this responsibility every day. Rather, it is almost like a responsibility swap between the husband and the wife; thus, creating a peaceful environment in the workload, and in the ease of communicating and nurturing the child in a proper manner. For instance, on days when Dimple stays home and is preoccupied to complete her work obligations while her husband is at his office, my grandparents who live with Dimple take care of the child under Dimple’s supervision. This type of attention, whether it be from a parent or a grandparent whom the child has already familiarized herself to, is certainly a winning situation for the entire family. And it is through this type of aid that the family manages to overcome any challenges that are thrown into their way, and manages to live a harmonious life while raising their child.
A wise man once said to me: “For every small sacrifice, there is always a big reward.” The responsibility of parenthood is similar to that. If people cannot see that the reward of being a parent far outweighs the sacrifices that they may deem to be unbearable, they simply should not have kids. For a couple to opt to be parents, they need to be absolutely aware of the responsibility that comes along with raising and providing for that child, no matter whatever the case may be. Considering the child’s future and what he or she might demand of his or her parents should be thought out and discussed reasonably by both of the parents. Unless they are truly ready to devote all their time to raising and nurturing the child in every sense (e.g. just as Dimple and her husband do), they should probably consider a little bit more as to whether bringing a child into this world without proper preparation would be acceptable.
Works Cited
Bhandari, Dimple. Personal Interview. 13 April 2011.