La libert de la presse est-elle fondamentale nos dmocraties?
La liberté de la presse est-elle fondamentale à nos démocraties ?
Tous les jours il y a des événements qui a un rapport avec le gouvernement sur lesquels le public devrait savoir. Pour cette raison je pense que oui, la liberté de la presse est très importante pour la démocratie. Cependant, je crois que cette liberté doit être limitée quand concernant une vie privée de quelqu’un. Les vedettes et les politiciens ont droit à une vie normale qui est séparé de leurs travails, le même que tous les autres.
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Peer Reviews
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Quality of writing
The language is what lets this essay down. There is not enough variety shown. In paragraph 3 the student uses the word 'beaucoup' twice. In order to demonstrate your knowledge of French to the best of your abilities you need to use multiple phrases for the same word, in this case I would change the second 'beaucoup' to 'un grand nombre de'. While they do use 'cependant' and 'pourtant', they could also use 'néanmoins'. It would also be beneficial to see a wider range of tenses used, even a construction such as 'si' + present + future is a good way of slipping some future tense in. By using a range of tenses it shows to the examiner that you know them and are confident in using them.
Level of analysis
By using concise examples to demonstrate their points they are showing a good level of analysis. The example in paragraph 3 showing how by limiting the press it makes it harder for the Chinese to know who to vote for as they don't have knowledge is well explained, and in paragraph 4 by talking about how having a law which has to be broken before anything can be done to prosecute people doesn't help protect privacy. The student also shows good analysis when discussing how it is okay for the MPs private lives to be discussed in relation to the expenses scandal as it affects the public. In producing clear examples and linking them to the question as well as demonstrating what they show, the student shows clear thought about the issues in the question and an ability to present information well in a neat, concise manner.
Response to question
While the topic is covered really well and there is a good argument throughout the language really lets this essay down as, while correct, it does not show enough variety. Really good response to the question, clearly argues both for and against freedom of the press which shows a balanced argument and thought. By looking at the example of China and Naomi Campbell they show how the press can be controlled but also the limits to the ability of the government to control it. It would have been interesting to see the students own view a little bit more in the conclusion as a personal opinion demonstrates that as well as knowing facts and compiling them into a judgement (which is done very successfully here) they can go beyond this and make a personal judgement. The structure of this essay is really good, a clear introduction, a few main points which are well discussed and then a good summarising conclusion show clear thought and a plan from the start which enables it to flow well together and be easy to read.
