Here's what a star student thought of this essay
Quality of writing
There are only a very minor number of grammatical problems within this essay, generally the written language is of high quality and includes a number of complex sentence constructions which demonstrates good understanding of the French language, and the ability to be creative with their writing, both signs of a 5 star essay. A couple of brilliant examples are: Ã¢â‚¬Å“Donc il me semble que le gouvernement devrait ÃƒÂªtre plus strictÃ¢â‚¬Â, Ã¢â‚¬Å“Ce systÃƒÂ¨me semble trÃƒÂ¨s sÃƒÂ©vÃƒÂ¨re, mais jÃ¢â‚¬â„¢estime quÃ¢â‚¬â„¢il faut ÃƒÂªtre plus strict pour avoir les rÃƒÂ©sultats plus efficacesÃ¢â‚¬Â (both complex grammatical constructions) and Ã¢â‚¬Å“le problÃƒÂ¨me de pollution de la production dÃ¢â‚¬â„¢ÃƒÂ©nergie est un vÃƒÂ©ritable casse-tÃƒÂªteÃ¢â‚¬Â (very original).
Level of analysis
The level of analysis is strong throughout, following a good guideline of Ã¢â‚¬Ëœexample-definition-analysisÃ¢â‚¬â„¢ in each paragraph Ã¢â‚¬â€œ the second paragraph is a nice example of this structure (example = air pollution, definition of what this is and what causes it, analysis = how this is a problem for the French, e.g. les inondations, la couche dÃ¢â‚¬â„¢ozone). As requested in the question, the student provides some brilliant personal insights and opinions on the topic, but does not let this dominate the essay which is important as it must remain professional (not Ã¢â‚¬ËœI think this.. Ã¢â‚¬ËœI think that.. the whole time !). A brilliant demonstration of this is where the student provides their opinion, and then demonstrates the ability to objectively show the other side of the argument Ã¢â‚¬â€œ Ã¢â‚¬Å“Cependant, il y a beaucoup de gens qui ne sont pas dÃ¢â‚¬â„¢accord, pour raisons de sÃƒÂ©curitÃƒÂ©Ã¢â‚¬Â. Both the introduction and the conclusion are sound; introductions are important since they provide the first impressions of the entire essay, they should therefore set the scene (Ã¢â‚¬Å“La pollution en France est ÃƒÂ un niveau sans precedentÃ¢â‚¬Â) and give insight into what will be discussed as demonstrated by the sentence here Ã¢â‚¬Å“Je vais examiner ces trois types de pollution en FranceÃ¢â‚¬Â¦Ã¢â‚¬Â. Furthermore, the student finishes with a clear, concise, and personalised conclusion. This is important since it shows the studentÃ¢â‚¬â„¢s ability to synthesize all the information discussed, and to add their own critical views on the subject rather than just relying on reproducing facts and figures. Providing personal insight into a topic is a marker of a high quality essay and can also indicate the studentÃ¢â‚¬â„¢s level of understanding of the work they have produced Ã¢â‚¬â€œ Ã¢â‚¬Å“Donc Je crois quÃ¢â‚¬â„¢en gÃƒÂ©nÃƒÂ©ral, la rÃƒÂ©action des FranÃƒÂ§ais ÃƒÂ cette pollution est trÃƒÂ¨s variÃƒÂ©eÃ¢â‚¬ÂÃ¢â‚¬Â¦. Ã¢â‚¬Å“il y a des bonnes idÃƒÂ©es, mais il faut quÃ¢â‚¬â„¢ils fassent plus dans toute la FranceÃ¢â‚¬Â.
Response to question
This is an outstanding piece of work of very high quality Ã¢â‚¬â€œ the student answers the question thoroughly and explicitly Ã¢â‚¬â€œ with a high level of analysis throughout. Background information into the problems of pollution in France is given to set the scene to the reader, and demonstrate knowledge of the topic area, e.g. Ã¢â‚¬Å“En moyen, chaque personne franÃƒÂ§aise produit 6.3 tonnes de CO2 en 2004, en comparaison avec 4 tonnes mondialÃ¢â‚¬Â. It is also good to see the student consider many types of pollution (la pollution de lÃ¢â‚¬â„¢air, les dÃƒÂ©chets et la pollution de la mer) rather than focusing on only one example as it provides a well-rounded argument in response to the question. Clear examples are provided regarding how the French react to pollution, for example, Ã¢â‚¬Å“En ville, sans ma voiture!Ã¢â‚¬Â and Ã¢â‚¬Å“le compostageÃ¢â‚¬Â, highlighting that the student has researched the topic thoroughly. What is particularly nice is the comparison of France with other countries (Ã¢â‚¬Å“ÃƒÂ la journÃƒÂ©e sans voitures en 2006 nÃ¢â‚¬â„¢ÃƒÂ©tait pas aussi bien quÃ¢â‚¬â„¢aux autres pays europÃƒÂ©enne, comme lÃ¢â‚¬â„¢Espagne, oÃƒÂ¹ 45% de la population ont pu participerÃ¢â‚¬Â), as it shows confidence in their knowledge and ability to include alternative information in a relevant manner.