For ethical reasons, I asked the parents permission to watch their family, and asked if they thought that the children should know that they were being observed for my study. They thought that the children would act more naturally if they were unaware of the study, and I agreed to tell them after the study was finished, and if they objected then I would not use their study and do it again with another family. (There were no objections at the end of this study,)
Before collecting any information from my sources, I informed them that I would not be using any names or addresses, and that any information gathered, would be used sensitively
Appendix A
Questionnaire 1
Would you mind filling in this questionnaire, this is completely anonymous but with your permission I will be using the results to come to a conclusion.
SURVEY
FOR STUDENTS ABOUT THEIR PARENTS
- Are your parents still together?
- Are you male or female?
- Who do you prefer to talk to about your personal issues? Your mother or your father?
- Do you have any hobbies that you do with a parent? If yes then which parent?
- Which one of your parents do you think you spend the most quality time with?
- Which of your parents helps you with your homework?
- Which of your parents does things for you? e.g. drive you to school or to friends homes
- Which of your parents do you feel more comfortable with?
- Do you think of either parent as a friend, if so which one?
- Which parent do you go to in a crisis?
Appendix B
Questionnaire 2
Would you mind filling in this questionnaire, this is completely anonymous but with your permission I will be using the results to come to a conclusion.
SURVEY
FOR ADULTS ABOUT THEIR PARENTS
- Do you regularly see both your parents?
- Are you male or female?
- Do you feel that you are closer to one parent or the other? If yes which one?
- In a crisis which of your parents would you want to speak to first?
- Which of your parents do you feel you spent more quality time with?
- Which of your parents do you feel that you have spent mote time with over the years?
- Which of your parents do more for you?
- Which one of your parents do you feel more comfortable with?
- Do you think of either of your parents as a friend?
- Do you feel that you favour one parent over the other? However slightly
RESULTS
STUDENTS SURVEY
I asked 5 students to take part in this survey and they all agreed.
My first question was “are your parents still together?” All the students’ parents were still together. This meant that they were all able to take part in the survey.
The students comprised of 2 girls and 3 boys, and 4 of them chose to talk to the same sex parent on personal issues, when asked about hobbies, 3 students (2 boys and 1 girl) had hobbies and their mothers also enjoyed these hobbies, in fact all 5 students said that they spent more quality time with their mothers, and this included helping with their homework. Only one boy disagreed with the homework side of it, and stated that nobody helped him.
My survey found that the three boys parents take it in turns to drive the children to school or to friends, but of the girls, one said only mother drives her, and the other said that only dad drives so he does it.
All 5 students said that they feel more comfortable with the same sex parent, and this lead to both girls thinking of their mother as a friend, and also 2 of the boys to think as their father as a friend, sadly the other boy said that he thinks of neither as a friend. But in a crisis all 5 students find it best to go to their mothers.
RESULTS
ADULTS SURVEY
I asked 5 adults to take part in this survey and they all agreed.
My first question was “Do you see your parents regularly?” all the adults said that they did, so this meant that they were able to take part in my survey.
The adults comprised of 3 women and 2 men, and of those 4 people found that they were closer to their mothers, but one male is closer to his father, yet they all agreed that in a crisis they all want to talk to their mothers first, but 2 women added that their fathers would probably be more help.
One woman spends more time with her father but the other participants spend more time with their same sex parent, and all 5 agree that over the years, they have spent more time with their mothers and that their mothers do more for them, yet they all feel more comfortable with their same sex parent.
All three women consider their mother to be a friend but both men said they consider neither parent as a friend.
And finally 4 of the 5 people surveyed said that they slightly favour their mother, but one man said that the favoured his father.
RESULTS FROM
OBSERVATIONAL STUDY
I decided to study a family consisting of, mother, father and 3 children. Boy aged 10, boy aged 6 and girl aged 9 months.
I studied them for 2 hours each day for 1 week from 6 till 8 pm, as that was the time that the father was home and dinner had been eaten.
Day 1. Older boy (boy 1) was playing at friends house, mother was teaching spellings to younger boy (boy 2), and father was playing with female (baby). When boy 2 came home he talked about his day to his mother and asked his father if he could watch a T.V. program. When baby started to get sleepy she held her arms up to the mother and would not go to the father. When the 2 boys played and started to get a bit loud, the mother asked the father to tell them to be quite, even though they were all in the same room.
Day 2. Both boys were play fighting with their father when I entered the house, but later when boy 2 hurt his arm; he came into the front room for comfort from his mother. Baby was not interested in mother or father tonight, as she just wanted to sit on my lap. When food was asked for, both children asked their mother, even though the father was sometimes in the kitchen already. Spellings were done by boy 2 again tonight and again with his mother, and she also helped boy 1 with his homework.
Day 3. Boy 1 was off school today feeling unwell, and even though he was asleep in bed most of the evening, he only called for his mother, and when his father went in he still asked for his mum. Boy 2 was bored and kept asking his father to play computer with him, father played for a while but mother played for longer. Baby was pulling herself up on furniture and mother was the one watching so she didn’t injure herself.
Day 4. Both boys went to football training today as it is Saturday, and father took them, but mother stayed home so she could do housework. When I entered at 6 o’clock, they had just had a takeaway and were settling down to watch a film together. Baby was asleep and when she woke up mother went to get her out of her cot. As the boys were a bit over tired, they were a bit naughty, and father was the one to tell them off.
Day 5. Boy 2 had a party to go to today and mother took him, but she also took the other 2 children with her to drop off and pick him up, so that father could have a bath. When I entered, boy 2 was sleepy and about to have a bath. All the children took it in turns to have a bath, and the mother organised, washed and dried all the children, while the father kept the dry ones amused. Father gave them all a snack and sent the children to bed to watch a film. Then he made a bottle for baby, (the first one that I had seen him make) and gave it to baby, as she feeds herself when the boys were noisy, father told them to be quiet, but mother told him when to tell them.
Day 6. Both boys had friends round tonight and the house was a total madhouse. Mother was organising everyone and father did what he was asked to do by mother to help her. Dinner was late today but father cooked it so that mother could sort out all the mess and children. Mother told all the children off tonight, and any one of the children that hurt themselves, all came to mother, and anyone who was not behaving or sharing also came to mother. But father mostly sorted that out. Baby hurt her head and went straight to mother, but cuddled father when she had stopped crying.
Day 7. Boy 1 had been in a fight at school today, and mother told him off, but his father told him off again, as soon as he came home from work. And father told him he was grounded for a week. Boy 2 was very quiet tonight and cuddled his mother a lot, but stayed away from father more than usual. Baby spent a lot of time with father tonight. She spent most of the night laughing and smiling. This was a very quiet evening
CONCLUSION OF OBSERVATIONAL STUDY
Mother tends to be the carer; she is the one that all three children go to when they are ill or hurt. They asked permission from mother but only asked father, when mother was unavailable. Father was the one to hand out discipline. But that was probably because mother asked him to. When father took the children off somewhere, mother did housework and kept some for the children with her. But when mother went somewhere she took all the children so that father could relax.
I could see that all the children had a good relationship with each parent, but they wanted to play with father, even though he was the one who told them off. And mother was the organiser and carer.
I do not think that, in this family mother and daughter have bonded more than mother and sons, and father sons more than father daughter. And I also do not think that this family are much different to many families in today’s society.
IMPROVING MY STUDY
I feel that my study could have been improved in a number of ways.
Firstly I feel that my results from the survey section of this study could have been much more interesting if I had surveyed a greater number of students and adults, this would clarify my results and give me more accurate results and a stronger argument for my conclusion.
Secondly I feel that if I were able to spend more time with the family, I could have had a stronger argument for my conclusion Thirdly I could have observed other families with different numbers and aged of children, this would also have given me a more accurate result.
Lastly it may have also been a good idea to observe a family of all girls and another of all boys, to see if the situation is different, when the dynamics of the family are different to the family that I used.
CONCLUSION
Looking at the results of my survey and my case study, I have come to the conclusion that, father do not bond better with their sons and mothers do not bond better with their daughters. From the evidence that I have gathered I have concluded that mothers have certain roles, they are the primary care giver, they feed and wash and clean, they help with homework and fix the broken things, as well as take care of cuts and scrapes. Mothers are the efficient stability in the child s upbringing, no matter what sex the child is. She is the one who answers hard questions, the one that helps, and the one that is always there.
But the father is the person who plays and laughs, even though he is the one who has to tell them off, weather it is a boy or girl this seams to be the role.
Maybe its because the father is out at work all day, so he only sees the children for a short amount of time, and wants to see the happy playful side of them, but he also gets the role of disciplinarian, so that mother can say `ive had enough, wait till your father gets home`.
Looking at the case study and the results of my questionnaire, I feel that both study’s show that mothers have one role and fathers have another, but I believe that my results show that mothers mostly spend more time with the children so end up being the person who the children of both sex rely on.
I would also like to add that these results are based on parents who are still together and where the father is the only parent in employment, as I feel that my results would be too hard to conclude with a wider variety of home situations and a small amount of questionnaires