Prophet Muhammad (pbuh) made it his tradition (sunnah) to have marriage sermon delivered in the assembly to solemnize the marriage. The sermon invites the bride and the groom, as well as the participating guests in the assembly to a life of piety, mutual love, kindness, and social responsibility.
The Khutbah-tun-Nikah begins with the praise of Allah. His help and guidance is sought. The Muslim confession of faith that 'There is none worthy of worship except Allah and Muhammad is His servant and messenger" is declared. The three Qur’anic verses (Qur’an 4:1, 3:102, 33:70-71) and one Prophetic saying (hadith) form the main text of the marriage. This hadith is:
'By Allah! Among all of you I am the most God-fearing, and among you all, I am the foremost held responsible to save myself from the wrath of Allah, yet my state is that I observe prayer and sleep too. I observe fast and suspend observing them; I marry woman also. And he who turns away from my Sunnah has no relation with me".
The Muslim officiating the marriage ceremony concludes the ceremony with prayer (Dua) for bride, groom, their respective families, the local Muslim community, and the Muslim community at large (Ummah)
Marriage (nikah) is considered as an act of worship (Ibadah). It is honourable to conduct it in a Mosque keeping the ceremony simple. The marriage ceremony is a social as well as a religious activity. Islam advocates simplicity in ceremonies and celebrations.
Prophet Muhammad (PBUH) considered simple weddings the best weddings:
'The best wedding is that upon which the least trouble and expense is bestowed".
Primary Requirements
- Mutual agreement (Ijab-O-Qubul) by the bride and the groom.
- Two adult and sane witnesses.
- Mahr (marriage-gift) to be paid by the groom to the bride either immediately (muajjal) or deferred (muakhkhar), or a combination of both.
Secondary Requirements
- Legal guardian (wakeel) representing the bride.
- Written marriage contract ("Aqd-Nikah) signed by the bride and the groom and witnesses by two adult and sane witnesses.
- Qadi (State appointed Muslim judge) or Ma'zoon (a responsible person officiating the marriage ceremony)
- Khutba-tun-Nikah to solemnize the marriage.
The Marriage Banquet (Walima)
After the consummation of the marriage, the groom holds a banquet called a walima. The relatives, neighbours, and friends are invited in order to make them aware of the marriage. Both rich and poor of the family and community are invited to the marriage feasts.
Prophet Muhammad (PBUH) said:
'The worst of the feasts are those marriage feasts to which the rich are invited and the poor are left out". (Mishkat)
It is recommended that Muslims attend marriage ceremonies and marriage feasts upon invitation.
Prophet Muhammad (PBUH) said:
"...and he who refuses to accept an invitation to a marriage feast, verily disobeys Allah and His Prophet". (Ahmad & Abu Dawood)
Roles of Men and Women within an Islamic Family
Islam teaches that men and women are equal and that Allah will judge them equally according to the way in which they have lived. Men and women are quite obviously different from each other and each have their own qualities, both of these joined together in the act of marriage is what makes a family work well. Due to the differences and qualities, men and women have different responsibilities to their children and to each other. These responsibilities are in no terms biased against women, the responsibilities laid upon the parents are balanced and equally as important to one another.
Men do have the quality of normally being physically and mentally stronger than women, and for this, they are expected to provide his wife(s) with sufficient money to allow her to buy food, take care of the house and look after the children.
But this does not mean that the father just has a financial role, not at all, the father is the leader of the home in Islam, it is his responsibility to set the social and emotional nature for the home and family. Men’s responsibility in Islam goes far beyond only financial. If the father is emotionally distant, perpetually angry, or closed off, chances are this will reflect throughout the rest of the family. Thus, the role of the father and husband as a “tone-setter” is a key element in the leadership & running of the household. I notice in my own home that when my father is engaged in reading/activities, I will take interest and want to join him. Rather than get upset at me for interrupting him, he will usually try to include me in what he is doing in a way that is playful and educational. This allows me to take an interest in it as well, increasing the bond and emotional connection between us.
Islam gives fathers and mothers a great deal of responsibility for raising their children. It was narrated that ‘Abd-Allaah ibn ‘Umar heard the Messenger of Allah (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) say, “Each of you is a shepherd and is responsible for his flock. The leader is a shepherd and is responsible for his flock. The man is the shepherd of his family and he is responsible for his flock. The woman is the shepherd of her husband’s household and is responsible for her flock. The servant is a shepherd of his master’s wealth and is responsible for his flock.” He said, I heard this from the Messenger of Allah (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him).
Women are expected to cook food, clean the house, and take care of the children but the fathers do also have a part in the upbringing of the children and the daily house chores as Mohammed (pbuh) used to help his wife Khadija at the housework as well.
Also equal rights are given to both the women and men in Islam; Women do have the right to study if they which, to refuse a marriage, to divorce, to inheritance, to keep their own names, to own property, to take part in politics, whether they are married or not.
Women are owed more respect in Islam than men and the pathway to heaven is at your mother’s feet.
Muslim Beliefs about the Ethics of Divorce
Muslim marriage is supported by Islam and is classified as a very good act between a man and women however Muslims are not so ignorant to think that marriages don’t fail. They do, it is acknowledged that they do, and since marriage is a legal contract between two people and if the continuation of a marriage brings misery to the couple and their children, it can be undone.
In a hadith it states;
`If a wife fears cruelty or desertion on her husbands part, there is no blame on the, if they arrange an amicable settlement between themselves; and such settlement is best; even though men’s souls are swayed by greed`
Also it is said that of all things allowed in Islam but disliked (this is known as `makrooh` e.g. smoking) Divorce is the most hated of them all. A man cannot seek to have a divorce from his wife until it is certain that she is not pregnant, as they may change their mind and try and give it another go if the woman is pregnant. Also as divorce is much hated and is not to be done lightly at all, once divorce has been announced there is a period of three months called `iddah` this is a period of three months to allow for a possible reconciliation of the marriage. If there is no reconciliation then the divorce is permitted to take place.
A woman is also allowed to have a divorce, either by an agreement with her husband or because of his treatment of her. Children are regarded as illegitimate if their parents are not married and, according to Shari’ah law, the father has no legal responsibility.
These are the complete conditions of marriage in the contract and the circumstances in which it is permitted, backed up by quotes from the Qur’an.
Requirements;
- Marriage implies that both husband and wife are able to live with one another with kindness, respect and cooperation. It is their responsibility to raise a family and it is a covenant binding on both parties.
- There are times when marriages fail and no solution can be found except divorce.
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The Qur’an orders men to either live with their wives on good terms or divorce them, but they are not to hold them hostage: "When you divorce a woman and they are about to fulfill their Idda, either take them back on equitable terms or set them free, but do not take them back to injure them." Chapter 2, verse 231.
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A woman has the right to seek a divorce from her husband if she feels that their marriage is doomed. "If you indeed fear that they would be unable to keep the limits ordained by God, there is no blame on either of them if she gives something for her freedom." Chapter 2, verse 229
Muslim Beliefs about Sexual Relationships
In Islam, sexuality is considered part of our identity as human beings. In His creation of humankind, God distinguished us from other animals by giving us reason and will such that we can control behaviour that, in other species, is governed solely by instinct. So, although sexual relations ultimately can result in the reproduction and survival of the human race, an instinctual concept, our capacity for self-control allows us to regulate this behaviour. Also, the mere fact that human beings are the only creatures who engage in sexual relations once they are beyond the physical capacity for reproduction, sets us apart from all other species, which engage in sex for the sole purpose of reproduction.
Beyond childbearing, sexual relations assume a prominent role in the overall well being of the marriage. In reading hadith, one is impressed with the Prophet's ability to discuss all issues including those dealing with human sexuality. The topics range from questions about menstruation to orgasm. He apparently was not embarrassed by such inquiries, but strove to adequately guide and inform the Muslims who asked. Both Qur'an and hadith allude to the nature of sexual relations as a means of attaining mutual satisfaction, closeness and compassion between a wife and husband.
"Permitted to you on the night of the Fasts is the approach to your wives. They are your garments and you are their garments."(2:187)
Adultery
Also, Muslims are advised to avoid sexual intercourse during menses so as not to cause discomfort to the woman.
It could be said that Islam has a very realistic attitude towards sex and realises that both men and women can be tempted to have a sexual relationship outside of marriage. Sexual activity of any kind is explicitly forbidden and adultery by the husband or the wife is a serious crime.
`Nor come night to adultery: for it is a shameful deed and an evil, opening the road to other evils` (surah 17:32)
Sex Before Marriage
Naturally, attraction between individuals is necessary to initiate a relationship that leads to marriage. But sexual relations can obviously take place between any couple, consenting or not. Because of the far-reaching ramifications of sexual relations outside of marriage, God prohibits Muslims from such behaviour. And because the process that leads to physical attraction and ultimately intimacy is part of human nature, Muslims are advised to behave in a way and avoid circumstances that could potentially result in extra- or pre-marital sex. Modesty in dress and behaviour between women and men figures prominently as a means of exhibiting self-control. Similarly, unmarried couples are admonished against spending time alone in isolated places where they would be more likely to act on their feelings and thus be less inhibited.
Homosexuality
Human beings are capable of many forms of sexual expression, orientation and identification. The existence of such a variety again is not found in any other species and thus further demonstrates our uniqueness among God's creations. The potential for behaviour, such as homosexuality, does not mean that its practice is lawful in the eyes of God. Therefore, individuals are expected to control themselves and not act on their desires if such action is contrary to the guidelines of Islam. Homosexuality, like other forms of sexual relations outside of heterosexual marriage, is thus prohibited. In any discussion of prohibited acts follows the question of what happens if they nevertheless occur. The Qur'an and hadith are explicit regarding severe punishment by the State if a person is convicted of such a crime. However, in order for conviction to take place, the individuals must confess or be accused by at least four eyewitnesses of the act of actual intercourse. Obviously, the likelihood of these criteria being met is small which means that most couples who engage in unlawful acts will not be punished by the State. They will then deal with the consequences of their behaviour in this life and will be accountable to God on the Day of Judgement. Only He knows how He ultimately judges.
Muslim Beliefs about Contraception
Contraception
Although Muslims are encouraged to have children, contraception is not prohibited. The method used during the time of the Prophet was `coitus interruptus` (known as 'azl`) about which several hadith exist. His basic response when asked if such a practice was lawful was that individuals can do as they will, but if God intends for a child to be born, she/he will be born. Some interpreted this to mean that preventing pregnancy is not recommended because childbearing is preferred; yet the act is not specifically prohibited. Also, other hadith stipulate that 'azl could not be practiced without the wife's consent as it might interfere with her sexual satisfaction or desire to bear children.
The Qur'an does not make any explicit statements about the morality of contraception, but contains statements encouraging procreation. Various interpretations have been set forth over time, and at the time of this writing, discussions on the web can be found easily that take various positions. Early Muslim literature discusses various contraceptive methods, and a study sponsored by the Egyptian government concluded that not only was azl (coitus interruptus) acceptable from a moral standpoint, but any similar method that did not produce sterility was also acceptable.
"It is permissible to use condoms so long as this does not cause any harm and so long as both husband and wife consent to their use, because this is similar to ‘azl (coitus interruptus or “withdrawal”). But it reduces the sensation of pleasure, which is the right of both partners, and reduces the chance of conception, which is also the right of both partners. Neither one of them is allowed to deprive the other of these rights. And Allaah is the course of strength." - islamic-paths.org, Sex and Sexuality in Islam - Condoms (2005) [4]
By analogy, the methods that exist today as contraceptives are lawful for Muslims to use at their discretion. Basically, it is our position that any method that does not involve pregnancy termination is permissible. Imam al-Ghazzali lists a number of legitimate reasons for practicing contraception, including;
- Financial difficulty
- Threat to mothers health
- Chance of child being born with mental or physical deformities
- Emotional or psychological hardship
- Already having many children
- Preservation of beauty and health.
It should be clear from this discussion, that since sexual relations should be confined to marriage, contraception is so limited. It is not considered a means of easing the difficulties associated with sexual relations outside of marriage and should most certainly not be used in this way at all.
Conclusion
Overall, all in all in my total truthful opinion, I do believe that Islam the true words from Allah does promote marriage among society, does accept that marriages do fail and permits divorce and the use of contraception.
I accept that marriage breakages can happen and that they cannot be forbidden as the continuous misery of two people is worse than the split of their marriage so it should be permitted. However I do think that in today’s modern society people are getting married with the thought that they can just divorce if it goes wrong but I believe this is truly wrong! People should seriously contemplate whether or not the time is right for them to get married before they just go into it.
Also despite being Muslim myself I feel that the permittance of a man having more than one wife is wrong and unfair on the women themselves, because no matter how fair the man wants to be, he’ll never be able to treat all them with the same fairness. Also I don’t feel that a man is able to truly love more than one woman at the same time, so having more than one fair would make one think that the man doesn’t actually love any of his wives but keeps them for pleasurably reasons only.
I also have to disagree with a certain Shari’ah law stating that
`Children are regarded as illegitimate if their parents are not married and, according to Shari’ah law, the father has no legal responsibility`
I believe this to be unjust as women cannot become pregnant by herself; the man in full knowledge of what he was doing had sex with her, giving him responsibility for any offspring created from it. Also men may very well use this law as a means of taking advantage of women as they will not be held responsible for any children created as a result of it.
Apart from those, Islam has a very modern and fair way of looking at relationships, and apart from those mentioned I don’t believe that women are treated unfairly in anyway at all.
Bibliography
The holy qur’an
the companions of the prophet book2
al-nawawi’s 40 hadiths
Religion & equality booklet
