Here's what a star student thought of this essay
Quality of writing
Spelling, punctuation and grammar are all accurate allowing for a fluent piece.
Level of analysis
Giving some background to the experiment and why it is carried out in industry etc. would help to show relevant but additional knowledge that may not be on the syllabus, evidence of reading around the subject is particularly vital at A level. I feel that at the moment the candidate has listed too much and not evaluated their method enough, there needs to be a section dedicated to evaluating and more could be written on experimental error, possible causes etc. as this is what the top candidates are including to achieve the best marks. Similarly expanding the conclusion to include more than just the bare findings would help but the particular aims of this investigation make this difficult. The lack of health and safety analysis is also a problem as including this would both help show your knowledge of chemical properties and ensure safety when the experiment is repeated.
Response to question
A well written, concise investigation of average quality. All the basics are present but further explanation of procedure and experimental calculations would make this piece more detailed and clear, important for showing mastery of the subject and understanding. Being scientific and concise is important but itÃ¢â‚¬â„¢s always worth making sure your work is understandable even by a non-scientist to ensure the experiment could be easily replicated.