Here's what a star student thought of this essay
Quality of writing
Some of the information provided is a little dull, this could be made more lively with added descriptions, and a wider range of vocabulary. In terms of the presentation of the essay, the second paragraph has spaces between lines, which is unnecessary. Iâ€™m assuming this an error, and it can easily be rectified. Also a new paragraph should have been started for the conclusion. Over all the quality of communication in this essay is lower than expected at this level, though in general there is no real issue with spelling or grammar.
Level of analysis
The candidate launches straight into information regarding radio waves. Therefore they fail to provide a proper introduction for this piece of writing. Having an introduction is crucial; it sets the tone for the whole essay and provides a context. For this essay the introduction should include background information, I would suggest classifying radio waves as electromagnetic waves, followed by a description of an electromagnetic wave and a brief description of the properties specific to radio waves. On the positive side the candidate has clearly undergone independent research as they discuss in detail the experiment which led to the discovery of radio waves. This additional knowledge shows the candidate's interest in their subject and makes the essay more enjoyable to read. I feel that this essay is missing important descriptive information such as the fact that radio waves are produced by electrons oscillating in aerials due to an electric field, and the fact that they can be detected by resonance in electric circuits. This basic information shows a true understanding of radio waves and hence showcases your knowledge and ability. In addition, to achieve a high grade it is a good idea to explore beyond the topic, in this case it would be appropriate to discuss polarisation as radio waves are electromagnetic waves and only these types of waves can be polarised. You could also discuss interference, and perhaps how radio waves are transmitted and received. This shows a breadth of knowledge and indicates to the reader that you understand basic physics principles. Finally though the candidate attempts to conclude their writing, it is a little brief and could be improved. A strong conclusion should summarise the key points mentioned in the essay and include a personal note. This is important as it allows you to leave the reader with a good impression.
Response to question
The candidate attempts to discuss various details of radio waves, though they fail to mention basic information. In doing so, they miss the opportunity to fully present their knowledge on the subject. In addition some of the information given is difficult to read, which usually stems from the fact that the candidate hasnâ€™t really understood the information they have provided. Only when you truly understand something can you present it in way that is effortless to read. You should always go back to basics and present information as simply as possible, so that it is clear to the reader, however limited their knowledge of the subject is.