Task 3 Rise and Fall in the Business Industry.
Over the recent years the economy has changed thoroughly there have been dips in the sectors of business and also rises. The two sectors that have become very unpopular due to lack of wage and no interest in the sectors are primary and secondary sectors. This is because the value for tertiary sector has become widely popular and more valuable in wage and also many other third world countries would rather do the primary and secondary jobs that were so popular during the Middle Ages. For example: - farming, mining, harvesting. Although these jobs are still around today they are less significant. The tertiary businesses nowadays are worth more because more wage more opportunities and also the education demands are getting a lot higher than they were 30 years ago and because of these more tertiary opportunities are becoming available to students leaving school. Also student nowadays have goals and thrive to get towards them and with the help of tertiary businesses they are able to pay their way through to achieve their own.
This is a preview of the whole essay
Peer Reviews
Here's what a star student thought of this essay
Quality of writing
This essay is written well, but needs a stronger structure. The introduction doesn't clearly explain the terms involved and there is no conclusion weaving together the argument. A few times there are slips in grammar and spelling - quality of written communication is assessed, so it is key that students proof read their work! Too often this essay says "I think". Try and avoid this, but instead find evidence which allows you to be more assertive.
Level of analysis
The analysis is sound, but in my opinion there are plenty of places for improvement! I would've liked to have seen a solid introduction which explained the difference in primary, secondary and tertiary production. The essay asserts that the tertiary sector has higher wages. In my experience, a simple explanation of the fact tertiary industries (financial services, etc) tend to have have higher profits, meaning they can offer higher wages, would add an extra dimension to much of this essay. I did like the comment that students strive to be in the top of the tertiary sector. However, once again this could be elaborated upon. I would've showed that the top graduate destinations in the eyes of students are all service-based, and this is due to the better working conditions, higher wage, and the stigma that manufacturing is no longer trendy. When discussing foreign countries, I would advise anyone to mention comparative advantage. Although this is a higher level concept, I would explain that foreign countries such as China have a labour-intensive comparative advantage, leading them to become more competitive in the primary sector. A key concept isn't included in this essay is competition: ultimately the UK is no longer competitive in primary and secondary sectors, and this should be addressed in the essay. I would've liked to have seen the upwards trend in the tertiary sector graphically displayed.
Response to question
This essay ably outlines why the primary and secondary sectors have become less prominent in the UK. I would've liked to have seen this backed up with why primary and secondary sectors have become sourced from foreign countries. Some exploration of the wages involved in the primary and secondary sectors would be useful.
