So - being aware of the cues and signals being sent to you by others is a crucial skill if you want to understand a person's attitude towards you, regardless of what they are saying.
1.2 Body language in social life
- A guide to male body language
Body language will always give you away. Learn how to spot the tell-tale signs of a man who's interested in you and you'll never be left guessing again!
The Approach
If a man is interested, as he approaches you he will pull in his tummy, puff up his chest and stand taller. Then the preening begins...!
The preening begins!
The preening begins...Preening
This will take the form of:
Reaching for his throat and straightening his tie
Smoothing his collar
Brushing imaginary dust from his shoulder
Rearranging his shirt, cufflinks or other clothing
Smoothing his hair
Thumbs in belt
Key signs he's interested
Hooking his thumbs in his belt
This highlights the genital region and says 'I'm virile'.
(When used with other men this means they are staking their territory and showing that they're not afraid).
Foot pointed toward you!
Foot pointed towards you Body positioning
Body positioning is key; if he's interested he'll turn his body towards you. If you're standing or sitting in a group look at his feet, if one or both of them are pointing in your direction it's a good sign.
It's all in the eyes...
Holding your gaze
Holding your gaze for even just a split second longer than necessary, combined with dilated pupils, means you're DEFINITELY in there. Women are excellent at using the intimate gaze - men are not and often don't even pick up on it when they're on the receiving end of one. A man's intimate gaze is generally very obvious.
A sure sign
The intimate gaze
Look out for the eyes following the 'triangular formation':
- eye to eye
- then down to the mouth and chin
- down to the rest of the body
- and back up to the eyes again in a triangular formation.
Oh I say! Hands on hips
Hands on hips is done to make him appear bigger and to show readiness for involvement!
- Reading female body language
Women display similar preening characteristics to men but there are additional signals to look out for which generally indicate an interest in the person they're talking to.
The Head Toss
Women do this to throw their hair back over their shoulders, attract attention and to show off their neck. The head toss is not exclusively for women with long hair and can still grab someone's attention when used by women with short hair.
Exposed wrists
If a woman is interested she will expose the smooth, soft skin on the inside of her wrists.
She will also show the palms of her hand whilst talking.
The intimate gaze
Sideways glance
How to spot the 'intimate gaze'
Look out for the eyes following the 'triangular formation': - eye to eye, then down to the mouth and chin, down to the rest of the body and back up to the eyes again in a triangular formation.
It's all in the legs
The pointing knee
When sitting down one knee is bent to allow the foot to be tucked under the opposite thigh. The knee point will be aimed at the person the woman is interested in. It is a relaxed, informal position.
The shoe fondle
If a woman crosses her legs and lets her shoe on the top leg hang off her foot pay attention - if she starts playing with the shoe, allowing it to slip on and off her foot then you're being given a clear message of interest.
The leg twine
Apparently many men consider this the most appealing sitting position for women. With one leg pressed against the other it appears to be extremely toned and, combined with the woman placing one hand on her thigh, gives a clear call for attention and probable interest.
1.3 Body language in the workplace
How do you know if you've lost someone's attention? How do you make someone feel at ease? You can improve your meeting skills and business relationships by learning to read body language.
The raised steeple
Steep ling hands
This is frequently used in superior/subordinate interaction. It demonstrates confidence and a 'know-it-all' attitude. It is particularly common amongst accountants, lawyers and managers.
There are 2 versions:
1) The raised steeple - when the person is talking, expressing their opinion
2) The lowered steeple - when the person is listening
The steeples should be interpreted in conjunction with other signs. If they are preceeded by positive body language, for example talking with palms open and leaning forward, then the steeple indicates a positive conclusion is likely. If it follows negative signs, for example legs crossed and arms folded, then the outcome is likely to be negative.
Palm gripping
Prince Charles is the embodiment of this. He holds his head up high, chin out and one palm gripping the other hand behind his back.
This is a confidence/superiority position. The person has their stomach, heart and throat regions exposed which is an unconscious act of fearlessness.
If you are in stressful situation assuming this position can help calm you down and take control of the situation.
Arms crossed
This is a negative or defensive position. Most people will assume this position if they disagree with what they are hearing.
Even if someone is agreeing with you, if their arms are crossed they will have a negative attitude towards you.
At this point it is best to attempt to find out what it is that they are not in agreement with you on, or force them out of their stance by asking them to eg write something down.
Their negative attitude will continue until they have uncrossed their arms, once they have done this you will have a better chance of bringing them round to your point of view.
Mirroring positions
This is one of the most important interpretations of body language we can learn.
You often see two people talking, standing in the same pose. This indicates that they are in agreement with each other, they like each other. If one uncrosses their arms, the other will do the same. If one stands with one foot forward, the other will assume the same position.
If you want to establish a rapport with someone, mirror their poses - this will have the effect of relaxing them and giving them a non-verbal indication that you are both thinking along the same lines.
It's not always this obvious...Body positioning
The easy way to tell whether the person you're talking to is enjoying the conversation:
The person is standing facing you with their body and feet pointing towards you and mirroring your positions.
The tell-tale signs that someone's feeling uncomfortable or not enjoying the conversation:
The person's head is turned towards you and appears engaged in the conversation - smiling, nodding etc, but their body and feet are pointing away from you.
If someone's body is turned away from you it will be facing the place where they'd rather be. If they're pointed towards another person or the exit then it's time to terminate the conversation or do something to attract their full attention.
