Trees, bushes, and streetlamps whirred by as the car sped along the streets, its headlights piercing through the wilderness of night like the eyes of a wolf. Spilling out its light onto the ribbon of slick concrete, the crescent moon followed the car and never left it out of its gaze, despite the car trying to outrun it. Streetlamps stood tall and wary along the street, some barely able to keep hold of their flickering lights. Far behind the car a stray cat stepped onto the pavement, as if it could smell the loneliness emitted by the gloomy roads.
Ian leaned against the window of the car, his arms folded tightly across his stomach. The fear that tied his gut in knots crept up slowly, tickling its way up to his neck. That pair of eyes shot at him again through the mirror. Now his fear rolled up furiously inside him like a tsunami. An image of him sprawled out in the open, blood spilling out of his open flesh and seeping into the cold cement flashed across his mind. He had learned in biology class, long before he dropped out, that if he stayed out there long enough his body will bloat and turn mostly black. He shuddered.
As soon as he saw the city lights emerging in the distance, Ian let out a sigh of relief. His lips drew to a smile as he thought of how he had overreacted, reassuring himself that he was safe. And then from the corner of his eye, he saw it. The man lowered his right arm slowly, inching closer and closer to an object that was by his feet. A shot of terror burst through the moment of calmness. Without thinking, Ian surged at the doors and shook the handles for an escape. The driver stepped down hard on the brakes and Ian fumbled once more at the door, the tires screeching in protest. The door flung open and Ian heaved himself out of the car. Shreds of asphalt scraped against his skin as he made rough contact with the road.
The taxi driver looked back at the teen, who was now running towards the nearest building. He knew something was wrong when the teen mysteriously refused to answer his question. Every time he shot a casual glance at the kid, his face was taut and his whole body was tense. His passenger was like a ticking bomb about to explode at any moment. He had reached for his spanner to protect himself, only to be surprised by the poor kids’ reaction. He restarted the car with a sigh. He promised himself never to pick anyone up in the dead of night ever again.
Here's what a teacher thought of this essay
***** This is a very good piece of descriptive writing which is well controlled throughout. There is some excellent imagery particularly personification, syntax is varied for dramatic effect and the writer displays a wide vocabulary. There is an interesting 'twist' at the end of the story and the writer has obviously put a lot of thought and planning into this piece of writing.