Good afternoon, ladies, gentlemen and Chair of Governors. I stand here today in the hope that I may be able to highlight to you the benefits of keeping our fantastic school open during the evenings. I am passionate about the plan proposed by myself and a number of other students in which we put forward a request to keep the school open every evening, and I truly hope that by the end of our valuable time together, you too will feel the same way.
I have felt for many years that a large amount of classroom time has been taken up disciplining and sorting out problems caused by students not completing homework set by members of staff. I believe that keeping the school open during the evenings would largely solve this problem. On average, 80% of students who have not completed homework claim to have had problems with their computer or printer. These excuses range from a lack of ink in a printer to an internet failure. We are extremely fortunate to have a reliable printer and internet connection at this school; however, we do not currently make full advantage of these facilities.
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Quality of writing
Errors are rare and those that do exist could be fixed via simple proof-reading on behalf of the candidate, “staff will not be need[ed] toâ€Â. However, the candidate has a tendency to over-write certain points as can be seen from the obsolete opening sentence to the conclusion which could be removed, thus avoiding boring the audience with redundant affirmations. Another correction could be made to numbers used within the response; “5 hours†should be replaced by figures, “five hoursâ€Â. Despite this, the candidate’s proficiency using apostrophe is pleasing, as displayed in “students’ behaviours waste our teachers’ time†– pluralisation combined with possession can often prove problematic for GCSE (and even A-level) candidates.
Level of analysis
Unfortunately, the candidate fails to even acknowledge any counter-arguments to the idea of school being opened in the evening. This renders the text as being less convincing, as the readers’ potential concerns are not allayed. It would have been effective to include for example, ‘I acknowledge that this project would require extra funding but there can be no price too high for our children’s academic prospects’. Despite this, the response appears impressive in use of rhetoric, such as synthetic personalisation, “ourâ€Â, “youâ€Â, and rhetorical questions, “why should a few students… waste… timeâ€Â. Furthermore, deeply emotive language, as in the example of “extremely fortunateâ€Â, “fantastic school†and “disastrous result†generate emotion within the reader via powerful adverbs and adjectives.
Response to question
This response follows typical conventions of a speech, using first person pronouns such as “Iâ€Â. Also, the candidate introduces and concludes the response in the expected style, “good afternoon…â€Â, “…thank you for your timeâ€Â. This piece has breadth and depth in terms of argumentation; points are made, explained and substantiated with evidence, dealing with the relevant implications concerning evening schooling.
