The pain then became too much for myself to handle, I bit my tongue harder and harder as the pain got worse. Suddenly the pain was gone and the feeling of relief over whelmed me. I sat on the floor, the beam sat beside me; it seemed the light was my only source of comfort in dark.
My memory of home, the place I once was, is hazy but kept me from losing touch with reality. The thoughts of Catherine waiting for me after work and Beatrice preparing dinner on the stove warmed my heart. But not all my memories were like this, they were once filled with fear and disappointment.
Back home, in Sicily, I once had dreams of coming to America and living the American dream, which the people of my village used to speak of. But being the oldest it was hard to be positive, and living in house for 3 with a family of 8 didn’t help either. My village was poor because of the war so it made it harder for people to find work. While my father worked during the day, as a fisherman, I and the other children played in fields behind my house. The feelings I experienced playing in the fields were nothing like feelings I felt at home.
I laid on my back, head pumping as though I had been trying to study last minute for a test. The gash on my chest, which was oddly shaped like an ear, was stinging under the pressure of my shirt. I tried to remember what I had thought about before the pain kicked in. The dream of me dying felt so real.... there was me on the floor surrounded by people I knew ...... I thought harder.... there people from around the block, and some I have never seen before..... and the warm voice.... the voice of Beatrice stood out from the rest.
I thought harder and tried to remember what was going on ..... all I could remember was the sound of people screaming my name and a pool of blood, that was spread from the bottom of my stairs to the side of the pavement. I was then clear of what I was here for. I stood up, tore the picture of Katie I had around my neck and tossed it into the light. The light then vanished and it became completely dark.
It was her ... Katie... she is the reason why I’m here. It was wrong, the feelings I felt for her that is the reason I’m here. I was supposed to look after her not fall in love with her. The jealousy I felt when I saw her with Rodolfo drove me to become this way it was the thought of her being taken away from me really got to me. But I can’t put the blame on him. It was me. All me.
I laid back on my back, closed my eyes and laid completely still. If I was to wake and find myself in the pits of hell I wouldn’t be surprised. But if I were to wake up, wrapped in the arms of my love, I would take my own life then and there. So that my family could live on happy and not have to worry about how I could screw up their lives.
This is the gift I give to you, my family a life to live without the thought of me.
