Educating Rita S&L

that weren’t her picture, her’s was her swanning off doing that bloody OU course, while I was stuck at home looking after the house and making cold cheese and cucumber sandwiches only for us two. It serves her right really, she didn’t treat me right or act like a proper wife should. She should have settled down, have kids and then been a good housewife. All of me mates used to laugh at me. She was never there for me, always swanning off, either at work, doing her bloody OU stuff or going out. I remember that one time she had the nerve to try n drag me along with her to go meet her bloomin’ OU tutor. What a cheeky cow, hey. I always had a suspicion that her and that OU tutor were doing the dance behind me back. And while she was off and about with her lifeless friends I was where she should be, in the pub having a few drinks with HER mother and father. They were so nice to me, they treated me better then me own parents. And her mum and dad blame the whole divorce on her, they were the ones badgering on about when she wanted to have a baby, an’ she still didn’t give a toss.  It’s all over now, I s’pose. An’ now I have me Melanie an’ our baby on the way. If it’s a boy I wanna call him Callum, after me grandfather, god rest his soul. An’ if it’s a girl I wanna call her Amanda. At first, when I was thinking of a name, I thought of Susan, but then I realised that that was the name of me ex-wife an’ I’m dead sure Melanie would have been dead pissed if I had of said that to her. Anyway things are a lot better with Melanie, She’s a great cook, which is better than I can say for Susan, she does what every other wife does, she’s dead similar to me, all she wants to do is settle down and have kids an’ guess what else, she’s a real hotwire in the bedroom if you know what I mean (WINK AT AUDIENCE). It was dead embarrassing bumping into her like that the other day. She looked dead jealous. An’ I know that deep down she wanted to be in Melanie’s position, pregnant wi’ my baby. But ah well, it’s all over between me an’ Susan, an’ that’s that!