Eva Smith's Diary.

30th December 1910.

I have just been sacked again. I don't know the exact reason why but I think it has got something to do with a customer that I was helping the other day. This customer (I do not know her name) had just put on a dress but she said it didn't suit her but I thought she looked lovely and I said so with a smile on my face but she thought I was laughing at her which I wasn't. So I don't know if she has anything to do with me getting the sack or not but I think so. The boss at the clothes shop would not give me any reason for giving me the sack only that she found someone more suitable.

st January 1911.

Today I am really confused. I saw this man, he was called Gerald and he was looking at me. I kept glancing over to see if he was still looking at me and he saw me glancing and he came over and asked me to leave with him so I did. He took me to what looked like a country house but was in fact a country inn and he brought me quite a few drinks. It was really nice to have someone nice to talk to especially after what Joe Mergerty has been trying to do to me. For the past two months Joe has been trying to get me drunk and trying to seduce me to go back to his just so he can have sex with me. I keep telling him no that I don't want his drinks and that I really do not want to go to bed with him but he will not listen to me.

I told Gerald all about me but I changed my name from Eva Smith to Daisy Renton. I told him about how I lost both of my parents and also how I lost both of my jobs. I really didn't want to tell him everything so I kept everything vague. Now after I changed my name (I changed it so that Gerald didn't know my real name) I really do not want to be Eva Smith anymore. I just want to be Daisy Renton.

He was really nice and he got me some delicious food.

3rd January 1911.

It has now been a couple of nights since me and Gerald first met up and we decided to meet up again. The worst thing was when he saw where I lived. He now new that I lived in a little backroom and also that I was penniless. But he didn't leave me. In fact he was very generous and he took me to some very nice and clean little sets of rooms. He gave me the key to one and asked me to keep an eye on them and he told me I could live in them and he gave me some money. He was like the most important person in my life. He was my knight in shining armour.

st September 1911.

It is now the first week of September and Gerald and me have been seeing a lot of each other over the past six or so months and it has been absolutely brilliant. The problems between us started at the end of august. I don't know why but Gerald has finished it with me. He had gone away for a couple of weeks and it was obvious that it was coming to an end and so he ended it. I was hurt and very upset but when one person wants to break up with you then you can't stand in their way. All the time Gerald and me were together nothing else could hurt me. It was the best time of my life. We agreed that I should move out of the rooms. But he insisted on giving me a leaving present. It was quite a bit of money. He said 'it should last me until the end of year'. He also asked me what I was going to do next but I refused to tell him and that was that. I went away for a couple of months. I wanted to be on my own in a nice, quiet, secluded place. Just so I can make my feelings for Gerald last that little bit longer.

0th November 1911.

I meet this lovely young man his name is Eric and he is absolutely lovely. We meet in this bar called the Crystal Palace. I was sitting on my own and Eric came over to me and asked me if I wanted a drink. I didn't have much money so I agreed. He brought me a drink and then he came and sat with me. An hour or so later Eric offered to walk me home so I accepted. I thought he was just going to walk me home and that was that but when we got to my house Eric asked if he could come in. I said no but he barged past me and dragged me inside. He then proceeded to have sex with me. I was saying no at first but then i started to enjoy it. He left then and said he would come back in a couple of days.

2th November 1911.

Eric came back and he was even more violent than the last time. He came in and I made him something to eat. He then asked me to have sex with him again and I said no. But he forced himself on me again. He really hurt me this time. I have got some bruising on my legs and I am bleeding from my insides. It really hurts.

30th January 1912.

I haven't seen Eric since that incident in November. I am glad about that. But I have never been so unlucky in my whole entire life. I have been unlucky all my life but never have I had such bad luck as this. At this point of my life things should be getting better not worse. I'm PREGNANT.

It was when I met Eric at the Crystal Palace Bar. Well he had a few to many and I told him no but he said he would make a row so I gave in. I think it happened that second time that we met up. He arranged to meet me at the bar on the understanding that the was to be no more funny business and that I would cook him some food and then he would go home. I arranged to tell him at the crystal bar about a month after we last met up. I told him that I was pregnant and he looked really shocked.

I didn't want him to marry me and I told him that and he asked me why and I told him it was because he didn't love me.

He gave me some money. I think it was just to keep me going but then I stopped and thought about it. I refused to take his money. What am I going to do?

2nd February 1912.

Today I went to an organisation for some help but they just turned me away. I have nobody to turn to anymore. I finished with Eric so he isn't around anymore. I just don't know what to do.