great much better than working in the factory and I can finally start
afresh and do some good with my live. I just hope I don't mess it up this time
I don't know what id do if I lost this job may be go into prostitution but then
again I think I would prefer dieing than do that
25th January 1911
Dear Diary
Work was as usual today except for one customer a Miss Burling I think probably
the daughter of my last employer she looked pretty spoilt to me not that I
have anything against her at all. I was bringing up a dress from the work room for
her to try on and she seemed to be in a terribly bad mood this only got worse when
the dress didn't suite her and she started shouting I just hope I haven't offended
her she seemed to be quite an important costumer but I'm sure nothing will come of
what happened today and I work hard so I doubt ill lose my job this time round at lest.
27th January 1911
Dear Diary
I can't believe it I've been fired from yet another job a costumer complained about
me or something like that there was nothing wrong with my work at all this world is
so unfair and I wont get a honest job now but a couple of girls I know have been saying
how the place theatre bar is a good place to find certain types of work and this is
my last option so I'm no longer Eva Smith but Daisy Renton to give me a fresh start
or as fresh as I can get
1st March 1911
Dear Diary
I've been in this business about a month now and
I was starting to lose all faith in men but tonight have been one of the best
in my life. It started as usual or usual for me anyway the low life tonight was
Joe Meggarty he's fat drunken carcass was squishing me up in the corner of the room
staring with big groggily eyes at my chest like he had been all night what a horrid
life I have. But around 9:00 I saw a man looking at me he wasn't the usual type yes
he was rich looking but he wasn't at all drunk and seemed rather nice, as soon as I
looked at him he seemed to know that I didn't like being there as he came over got rid
of the pompous pig out the way and offered to take me out of there so of course I agreed
at once. I found out his name was Gerald croft and I told him about myself well myself as
Daisy Renton not Eva Smith I'm not her anymore so about my past I was pretty vague he's the
first man to treat me right in so long he just helped me and not so he could make love to me
either when he found out I was hungry he got the staff at the country hotel, where we went
to have a few drinks, to find me some food. It was such a nice change to be cared for and
we have agreed to meet again in two nights time witch will give me something to live for and
not end it right now I hate selling myself as a 'woman of the town' but I need the money
I'm going to get chucked out of the back room I stay in at the present time even if it is
horribly miserable its some were to stay and I have no one to turn to. I wish I could end it
but I wont not yet anyway.
3rd March 1911
Dear Diary
I saw Gerald again today I don't know what's wrong with me my heart feels like its beating
out my chest and for once in my life I'm happy truly happy. He got the fact of how of in need
of help I am, how I have no money left and am going to be kicked out on to the streets, out of
me today and instead of just leafing me to fid a miracle he helped me he has lent me the keys
to a set of rooms that belonged to one of his friends who has gone away for six months or something
to Canada and he's given me some money so I can keep myself although I wouldn't take it at first
he made me so I did. I know this cant last and when we end I shall have to move out but at the
moment he is the most important person in my life and I think I am in love I know he doesn't feel
the same for me but he cares about me so I don't mind in the slightest.
3rd September 1911
Dear Diary
I knew it had to end but why so soon I wish it could of gone on for longer but
Gerald had to go away anyway so he broke it off defiantly before he went so now
I have to move out of were I'm staying and find somewhere else to go. He made me
take some money on top of everything he has given me already to keep me going
till the end of the year so I'm going to go out of town somewhere near the sea side
I think and get away from it all for a wile to think and remember just to make it
last longer if I remember it maybe the best thing that has happened to me and probably
will happen to me wont disappear so quickly.
4th November 1911
Dear Diary
It has been lovely to stay by the sea its so peaceful there, but the pretence has lasted
long enough I have to remember is over and my money will soon be gone anyway so I guess
id best go back to the city and try and earn enough money to keep me alive through the winter
months not that I'm sure I want to anymore everything good has gone from my life again and I
will have to go back to living like I did before I met Gerald. Oh why is this world so unfair?
10th November 1911
Dear Diary
Today was one of the worse days since I got back into this line of work. I was in the palace
bar again and a gentle man of witch I still do not know the name of, started to talk to me and
we both had a few drinks although by the time we left he was rather allot more out of it than
me. Anyway he took me back to my lodgings but when we got there even though I told him that I
didn't want him coming in he threatened to make a row so I let him in anyway and he forced
himself on me. It was horrible and I wish I could just forget it but those sorts of things
aren't easily forgotten. Oh how I wish I was still with Gerald but it's not possible so I have
to go on with the life I have now not the one now in the past.
24th November 1911
Dear Diary
I saw the man again yesterday, the one that forced himself upon me around a fortnight ago.
He was still drunk but better than the last time I saw him so we had a few drinks and yet
again went back to my lodgings. This time we talked for a while and I found out his name was
Eric Burling and that he worked for his farther at the factory were I used to work and I told
him about myself and again we made love to one another I don't even know why we did it I
doesn't love him and its obvious he doesn't love me either. Oh I am so confused.
23rd March 1912
Dear Diary
I finally got seen by the women in charge of the charity today but a fat lot of good it did
me, they declined my case because they did not believe me so now I haven't a clue what to do
although that is partly my fault. I started with a story that my husband had abandoned me with
and I was going to have a child witch is partly true but they saw through my lies when I said
my name was Mrs burling which happened to be the name of the woman in the chair and when they
asked who my husband was I was going to just say it was Eric but as it was his mother I
wasn't going to uncover him. Like they would have believed me anyway they would have ridiculed
me even more than they did. So anyway I didn't get the money and have no idea what to do next
I have a little money left that will do for now.
7th April 1912
Dear Diary
Live is pointless now for me and I am absolutely useless in this world. I'm not wanted by anyone
and I can't bring a child into this as well I'm a germ that needs to be exterminated just like the
ones in a kitchen that you kill with bleach and disinfectant. So here I go to clean earth of one
unwanted nobody and save everyone else the hassle of caring anymore. Nothing left to say now but
good bye life and good riddance.
