Far from the Madding Crowd Coursework - My dear Mary,

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Janak Bhundia

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Far from the Madding Crowd Coursework

My dear Mary,

Love has its ups and downs, believe me. You must never make the mistakes that I made. True love only comes at a price. I should know. For it was only after years of knowing Gabriel and years of emotional suffering and disappointment that I realised he was the one. At the beginning I knew he liked me, and so I flirted with him and led him on. I often almost lost him, but I was so lucky that his love for me never faded.

I will always remember the first time I set my eyes upon Gabriel. It was on a journey, which took me to Norcombe Hill. I remember it well. I was young and beautiful and no one knew it more than me! I sat in the carriage alone waiting for the Waggoner to return with the wagon’s tailboard, which had gone missing. I couldn’t resist but take a glimpse of my face in a mirror, which lay, wrapped up on my lap. This was one of my greatest weaknesses -vanity- and it led me to a lot of distress in the future. When the Waggoner had returned, within a few minutes we had reached a tollgate. A turnpike keeper stood in front. The Waggoner, by my demand, offered 2 pennies less than which was required for me to be able to pass. Gabriel must have heard the argument and out of his great kindness, which I only realised much later, he offered to pay the ‘2pence’ extra. The terrible thing is, as I rode past him, he gazed at me but I looked through him. ‘I just looked my thanks to Gabriel on a minute scale, but I didn’t speak them.’ Heavens knows what he must have thought of me!’ I had far too much pride in myself for my own good in those days. I couldn’t bring myself to show my appreciation. Though that was something that I learned on that day, even though it wasn’t immediately, that one good dead deserves another. You see Mary when I was young I thought I was the apple of everyone’s eye, I thought everybody wanted me, an that was true to a certain extent, however I took advantage of that and later on, as you will soon discover it led me to a lot of pain and anguish. Mary I warn you treat others with the respect you wish to be treated with yourself.  

Even though I had treated Gabriel in such a harsh manner, he persisted in his attempts to get to know me. We had numerous encounters where I learned about him. I discovered that he had a small farm and he lived in a hut. Though to my dismay on one January morning Gabriel came to propose to me. The calf that I was tending with my aunt (whom I was staying with) had stopped milking and I was to leave in the coming days. He spoke to my aunt and I listened secretively and attentively. ‘In short, I was going to ask her if she’d like to be married,’ I can still remember the words. In that single moment I felt a sense of excitement. I thought about all the attention I would get on my wedding day and how marvellous I would look in my wedding dress, but deep down I knew I didn’t want to marry. I couldn’t bare the responsibilities that marriage bought with it, and at the time I didn’t love Gabriel. I listened on as my aunt explained ‘You see Farmer Oak, she’s so good looking…Not that her young men ever come here- but, Lord, in the nature of women, she must have a dozen!’ Gabriel then walked out of the house apologising for disturbing her.

I knew that I wouldn’t accept his proposal, but nevertheless I raced past him as he departed. Panting after my dash I felt it right that he was set straight about the position I was in. ‘-It was quite a mistake- aunts’ telling you that I had a young man already… I haven’t had a sweetheart at all.’ Even though I knew that deep down I didn’t love him and had no plans of excepting, I listened, ‘when we be married, I am quite sure that I can work twice as hard as I do now.’ As he spoke I could see all the love that he had for me. I began to think about all the petty games that I had played with him. This was one of those moments, in my immature youth that I particularly enjoyed the flattery that I was receiving. The only reason that he proposed to me was because one night I had saved his life when he had left the windows of his hut closed with the heating on. He would have suffocated if it hadn’t been for me, from that point on, regretfully now as it only led to heartbreak for him, I flirted with him ever so much. Looking back I can’t help but think, if I had learnt from the way I led Gabriel on at first, maybe I wouldn’t have treated Boldwood (my second ‘love’) in the same way, but I didn’t learn and so I made the same mistake again. Mary learn from this in the way I only have now, don’t let life repeat its teachings upon you, and more importantly don’t let your looks lead people along if the feelings you have for them aren’t genuine.

Gabriel’s proposal was full of practicality, as in those days this was vital in a marriage. ‘You shall have a piano..’ this was important because having a piano showed the richness of the household, ‘… and have one of those little ten-pound gigs for market-and nice flowers, and birds and cocks and hens,’ I suppose his proposal reflected his personality the best. As Gabriel still does now, he always thought practically and cautiously. He was very dependable and trustworthy, all the qualities that are important my dear. For you see even my wild, adventurous youth, in the end led me to the same findings in life. Your youth doesn’t stay with you forever, my child though a true, honest partner is forever. Look for the true values in a man, not just looks. I remember for that split moment when I began to feel the giddy excitement one more at all the things Gabriel had promised. He also romanticized how we would live, ’whenever you will look up, there I shall be and whenever I look up there will be you.’ As he said these words I began to feel trapped. At that tender age, I couldn’t bare to lose my independence. I was wild and out of the ordinary. I didn’t want to settle down, I had to experience life and had to explore what my beauty would lead me to. ‘No; tis no use… I don’t want to marry you… a husband- why, he’d always be there, as you say, whenever I looked up there he’d be.’

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Gabriel wouldn’t take this answer. He pleaded with me. I felt trapped. If I said it straight forwardly, I knew he would be hurt, even devastated, and so I told him ‘to marry a women, with money, who would stock a larger farm for him than he and at the moment.’ Just as I finished he replied that he was thinking the same. As he said this I felt an abrupt anger. There he was a moment ago, telling me how our life would be together and now he was telling me that he’d rather marry someone else. This ...

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