‘It's a hard knock life for us; it’s a hard knock life’ I Sang to my self.
‘Yo Raggo, what you saying?’ I heard a voice call. Raggo is my new street name. It was given to me by one of my uncle’s close friends a couple of days ago when I went with my mum to visit him. He said it was because what ever happened, it seemed as if I didn’t really care. So far only Steve ‘the disease’ and Nicolie know my new nickname but I’m keen to have everyone call me it, so as to differentiate between my Christian name sharing friend Steve ‘The Disease’. I really wanted a way to get everyone calling me by my street name, especially when Steve the disease has the same name. In a way Steve makes me feel more alive. He had me doing things I thought I would never do and I even stopped taking my ‘three times a day tablets’.
‘Nothing much Steve, how you doing?’
‘Not to good Raggo,’ he whispered to me while looking around as if to check that no-one has spotted us talking. ‘But I seriously believe that the way to get your name noticed is for us to form a gang.’
The thought of Steve saying ‘us’ made me feel warm in side and gave me the sense that I belong. I decided to do what Steve said and soon spread the word for people to meet me at Star burger around sixish. Star burger is the biggest burger joint in town and the coolest hang out for kids. Everyday children ‘chill out’ with their burgers and fries and it’s also become a tradition that most kids from years seven to thirteen fulfil. I know I should have never gone to meet them or even set this up, but being as I was never really popular. I did it as really wanted to be known. I’m not unhappy with my life but what can I say the thought of being popular intrigues me.
‘Raggo, I’m here,’ I heard the whisper of a not so distant Roy Donovan the boy with severe asthma huffing and panting while gripping to his asthma pump as he ran towards me. He slowly struggled exhausted from his cross country like run. ‘Walk a bit faster do you want to get caught’ I asked him
‘Caught, what do you mean caught?’ he asked suspiciously while taking random puffs from his pump.
‘I’ll explain later just follow me round the back,’ I replied. We walked quickly round to the back of the building. On arrival there were seven other boys all sitting round the steps. They were the only people that I have ever really been seen talking to, but I felt confident standing with my partner in crime Steve ‘the disease’. There was Eric Fonder, the boy with six sisters and three brothers. Martin Hunter, professional football player for Rowlsdemshire football team. Mase, for some reason no-one seems to know his real name. Archie Frontline, the boy who’s father owned all except for four sweetshops on the high street. Arnie Slips, our schools computer nerd, Cranky, a dwarf look alike who needs to lighten up and not forgetting Rick Smith, the chief of police’s youngest son.
‘What’s going on Steve?’ Archie asked hoping to get a quick and simple answer. It occurred to me that this may not be a good idea and I know Steve the disease realized it. He constantly told me that a gang is a good way to attract girls and Nicolie will be dying to go out with me. I’ve really been trying to impress Nicolie for months so what else could I do but agree.
‘Well boys and girls, from now on my name no longer is Steve but Raggo. Is that understood?’ They all nodded ‘Good,’ I replied. ‘I also have a little proposition for you. We all know that the six formers have been running the school ever since we can remember. Some of us get bullied, kicked, punch and even sat on. I think that it’s about time we now came together and formed a strong gang. A gang like no other. A gang called “Rowels Dans” Rowels so people know we come from Rowlsdemshire and Dans so people know to have respect or else. Plus I know from my previous gang that it is a sure way to get girls.’ I knew that Steve the disease mainly persuaded me with the ‘girls’ statement so I thought it would be a sure winner for these guys. I wasn’t wrong.
Everyone except Martin Hunter agreed. I think that’s because he had too much to loose with his football and all. At least three days went past and we had started terrorising shops, people on the streets, other schools and we even started to get our own back on the six formers. Not only that, our gang increased in size with additions of people like Ray Stone, the captain of the wrestling team. The more and more we did wrong the more the name ‘Rowels Dans’ was talked about. I had a successful gang which was helped run by my advocate, Steve. He helped me make tough decisions and instructed me on what to do. Everything was going right. Nicolie got much closer to me the more and more I played the hard man. Just like Steve. It was hard to not portray myself like him but it seems to be the kind of man she really likes. It was around the fifth day when things really started to fall apart. The night before Steve told me to take Nicolie to the lake and go skinny dipping. He told me not to tell her where we were going because she might not agree at first. As usual everywhere I went Steve followed with his chanting in my ears, his prodding of words telling me what to do. His excessive banging of vocal sounds against my fragile ear drum and my obsession for Nicolie got the best of me. ‘Take of her clothes’ is all I could hear Steve shouting. I jumped on Nicolie and wrestled her to get her clothes off but she struggled free, escaping with a torn sleeve on a brand new dress. Running and screaming. Crying in anger, what had I done? I thought to myself but ‘good old Steve’ still continued shouting to me. ‘Good work you make me proud’. My school work was beginning to go downhill because of my mind being wrapped up in the gang. In every subject I was receiving ‘ungraded’ and Steve soon persuaded or should I say shoved the thought in my head that my only option was to drop out of school. That was my biggest mistake. The world felt like it was closing in as Gang wars kicked off and I was stuck in the middle of them. I started to realize how bad my sickness which I once took tablets three times a day for really was. I was so wrapped up in all of the excitement of our new gang that I never thought about the consequences. Well that didn’t really bother me anyway because I knew I had the greatest support in my life, Steve. But what I didn’t count on was that when I had to suffer the dreadful aftermath Steve just disappeared. Why? There’s only one explanation. It’s the result of ‘the disease’ at work.
‘Oi, you Raggo come here!’ Someone had shouted in anger at the top of their voice so I turned round to see who it could be. It was Gary Baker. The leader of a gang called ‘The Dream Breakers’ and behind him followed his fifteen man squad all with their fists clenched tight and faces screwed. ‘Some of your so called friends said you would be here,’ Gary said. ‘Alone exactly as they promised.’ Who? I thought to myself. Who would do such a thing? But I guess I know what you’re thinking ‘I had it coming’. ‘Get him!’ That was the last thing I heard, after that I remember nothing.
The next thing I remember I had been badly bruised and was struggling to open my eyes in Saint Albert’s hospital. Next to my bed was a police officer calling my name and waiting for me to respond.
‘Hello Steve Marshall.’ Dazed and confused I slowly looked up.
‘It’s Raggo,’ I replied.
‘Anyway Steve Marshall,’ said the officer, stressing my name. ‘There have been many reports about the mischievous things you have been up to.’ The officer and I talked and talked for at least two hours, I told him everything but he just wouldn’t believe a word I said. But nothing prepared me for what he would say next.
‘I swear Steve was the one told me to form our gang.’
‘Give it up, you little black shit,’ at that moment all of the racism I experienced before seemed harmless. If you can’t trust the police who can you trust? ‘You’re the gang leader and there is no such Steve. We have CCTV of all your disturbances and an eye witnessed for each event. You have been seen leading the rest and telling them what to do. It doesn’t look as though this “Steve” is influencing you.’
It was at that point that I really stopped to wonder where the hell Steve was. He was always supposed to be there to support me. After all don’t forget he was the reason why I stopped taking my pills. He supported me through that why not this? I really don’t know, maybe it’s because it was to his advantage, while my benefit was only small. I also started to fall suspicious about whether Steve was a true friend or actually lived up to his name and was in fact a ‘disease’.
I returned to school as I realized it was really stupid to drop out of secondary school especially in my final year. But when I returned, it was one of the worst experiences ever. Everyone stared and whispered amongst themselves as if I was an open book on display to the world. I felt so embarrassed. I went from trashy to classy and now trashy seems like the greatest promotion my life could ever endure. Finally I caught sight of one of the gang members and I thought yes finally someone to talk to.
‘You better keep on walking unless you wanna hear my fist talking,’ Ray Stone threatened me leaving me speechless.
‘What’s going on your suppose to be my friend?’ I yelled.
‘Friends!’ he exclaimed back. ‘Don’t think I don’t know. How can you grass us up to the police? Do you know how much trouble I’m in? Imagine, I got in big trouble all for you and your demented brain. You and “Steve” can take yourself somewhere else to eat lunch!’
‘Sorry,’ I replied. I was too shocked to deny what was not true. I did tell the police everything. Everything except the stuff including the gang members, what ever they told Ray’s parents had nothing to do with me. I think that was the work of PC ‘Racist’. Even if I wasn’t shocked I think I would have been too scared to argue my point because Ray is the captain of the wrestling team. Or should I say was, I didn’t realize the repercussion he had to suffered was three weeks detention and lost his space on the team.
Steve has taken everything from me. He made me mess up my relationship with the girl who I really liked, with my friends, and I even dropped out of school and missed out on a lot of work because of him. Too much to catch up on before my GCSE’s.
I thought to myself, there’s only one thing to do and that’s get my life back on track starting with Nicolie. I searched and searched for the love of my life Nicolie Knowles, holding a perfect rose which stood tall and beautiful as she. I found her, I saw Nicolie exactly where I expected, now was my chance. She stood up next to the canteen as she usually did at lunch looking as wonderful as ever. What was unusual though, was the fact that she was alone. What could I do? This was the perfect chance.
‘Hey Nicolie, can I talk to you for a second please?’
‘Raggo what’s going on with you, why are you behaving so weird?’ Nicolie asked me.
‘Don’t worry about that. All that will change if you would please forget everything that has happened. Take my apology and give me the pleasure of going out with you.’
‘I would love to….but I don't want to wreck our friendship, so I think its better we remain friends, yeah.’
‘Yeah,’ I replied sadly. No doubt. Now I am definitely upset. Watching her walk away from me hurt so much. I wanted her to quickly jump round and shout ‘I’m only joking baby!’ But I guess that was never going to happen. Eric Fonder walked over and hugged her. I couldn’t believe it. How could she choose HIM over me? Watching them together was more than enough to make my stomach turn.
As I walked home I thought and thought to myself and came up with my final conclusion. All that thinking made my head hurt but it’s the reason why I am writing this. This is my letter for the ‘entire world' to read. So everyone can at least understand what I am going through. It will be left hopefully, for my children, my children’s children and for anyone else whose life is sad enough to wonder what ever happened to ‘Steve Marshall’. Think about it. My sickness got the best of me. For those that haven’t realized it yet. When I was younger I was diagnosed mentally ill. I think that’s why Peaches introduced me to Marc Towland my Psychiatric, and that’s also what all the pills where for, to keep illusions like Steve ‘the disease’ out of my life. Up until the day I missed my medication and he turned up. But I still don’t understand why Steve ‘the disease’ just disappeared. Maybe he got fed up of me, maybe my illness got better or just maybe they injected my pills into my body every time the nurse came round to mentally scar me with those huge needles. No way, that would have never happened, but I do give it to Steve the disease he was successful in his mission. He was the toughest snake my life has ever handled, and the biggest factor to my demise. Yes that’s right my demise. He has knocked me off my Pedestal and climbed right up. That can only mean that he has successfully taken my place. He should be me. Well everything I ever wanted to be. Now I have realized that the world is full of lying cheating and backstabbing people, so who can blame a broken teenager for hating the world. Even though he isn’t here now Steve the disease belongs in this world not me. So this is the last chapter in the diary of my life. The life of Steve Marshall before I commit the tragic event called suicide. I really can’t go on through all these HARDTIMES.
