What are they doing? Adam wondered. Whatever it is it looks like fun. They seem to be enjoying it, whatever it is.
Creeping even closer, Adam hid behind a tree and peered out at the two animals.
As Adam watched the strange behaviour of the two monkeys, he felt a strange sensation in the pit of his stomach. With a glazed look in his eyes, his hand moved down to his belly.... He’d experienced this sensation once before.... He cast his mind back. Nodding to himself at the recalled memory, Adam turned away in search of some large leaves. He would need them, the pain in his stomach, the returned memory was too many bananas for breakfast!
For the fourth time, Adam came out from the bushes rubbing his painful stomach groaning, the more he rubbed it, the more agitated he became. He knew that sleep would not come easily that night.
It was the middle of the night, and Adam was still pacing up and down outside his cave, wondering just what all the animal behaviour he had observed meant.
Suddenly, a bright shaft of light shone down on him, and a voice thundered out his name. “Adam! I see you have a troubled mind.” Adam fell to the ground, as he knew it was the lord. “Tell me what troubles your thoughts, Adam.”
“Well Lord, I....”
“You what?” urged The One from Upon High.
“I’m... I saw two monkeys today and...”
“Oh! Is that all. Well don’t let it bother you. I expect you’ll see more of them before your time is through.”
“Yes, Lord. But...” The light went out and darkness reigned once more. “Oi!” yelled Adam. “I hadn’t finished what I was say...” The light reappeared. Adam resumed the flat out on the ground position.
“Sorry about that Adam. I’m a little distracted today. Wondering where to go next with this creation of mine. Think I’m suffering a bit of creators block.” Adam moved to a kneeling position but kept his eyes averted from the light’s presence.
“Lord? I am sorely troubled and confused.”
There was a moments silence.
“Why Adam? What have you got to worry about? Just eat, drink, sleep and be good. That’s all you have to do.”
“Yes, Lord. Err, I’m very grateful and all that... but...”
“But?” thundered the Almighty. “You dare to ‘but’?”
Adam trembled. “No Lord. I daren’t.”
“That’s all right then.”
Adam took a deep breath. “Well, actually I do...”
The world shook with a supernatural sigh. “What is it, Adam?”
“As I was saying Lord, I saw two monkeys today and… Well, to be honest I...”
“You’d better be honest with me Adam. I would be mightily displeased if you weren’t.”
“Yes, of course,” grovelled Adam. “Anyway, those animals were doing something and I....”
“I wondered when we’d get around to this,” sighed the Lord. “Human nature I guess.”
“All I want,” said Adam, “is... I don’t know what exactly - but I feel I need someone - someone to do unto them, which the monkeys do unto one another
“Mmmm,” responded the light. “You know that you might regret your decision later on, don’t you?”
Adam shook his head. “I’m sure I won’t.”
“Perhaps,” replied the Almighty, “perhaps it is time I continued with the plans. Go to sleep and when you awake you will no longer be alone.” Adam leapt to his feet and wrung his hands.
“Oh, thank you Lord! Thank you! Thank you!”
“Enough grovelling Adam! Now go and sleep.”
“I’m going, Lord. Right now.”
As Adam woke he rubbed the sleep from his eyes. “What’s... What’s that horrible noise?”
“It’s me! Now shift yourself. Have you seen the state of this place? Doesn’t look like its ever been cleaned? Eh? Eh?” Adam opened his eyes and stared at the naked female who stood in the centre of the cave with her hands planted on her hips. “Just look at the cobwebs up there!” she cried, staring upwards, go and fetch me something to brush them with!”
Adam scratched his head. “Huh?”
“Them damned cobwebs!”
“Oh, right.... cobwebs. Yes, I’ll...”
Without taking his eyes from her body, Adam walked backwards out of the cave. Outside, in the garden, he whooped out loud and punched the air. “Yes! Yes! Yes!” he yelled.
Some time later, Adam returned with arms full of fruits. Walking into the cave he carefully laid down his burden.
“Find me something sweet,” she said.
Adam, covered with bee stings, returned holding triumphantly aloft a dripping comb of honey. “Don’t drip that all over my freshly cleaned floor!” was the grateful response. “And if you think I’m sleeping on that hard rock over there - you’ve got another think coming… Do something about it!
Several hours later, Adam staggered back into the cave - carrying a bundle of monkey’s fur that he fought so valiantly for. “Put it down over there,” ordered the woman. “Now, then... Where’s the water in this place?”
Adam’s shoulders drooped. “Water?”
“Yes, water! I want a bath. Fetch me some water.”
“What’s a bath?” asked Adam.
“See that hollowed out rock over there? That’s MY bath”
Adam was losing his patience. Normally he was a placid and patient man, never lost his cool and never swore - until now. With his eyes scanning her naked form he shook his head. “Eeee, f...” he caught himself just in time from uttering a profanity. He took a deep breath and turned around.
“Ooooooo… I like that for a name”
Adams Eyes rolled in their sockets as he looked at his beauty, he asked her, Why is your rear out of proportion with the rest of your body? A simple reply met his query.
“Adam?”
“Yes my sweet?”
“Please go out and make me a rolling pin.”
Adam did as he was bid by his new love and soon regretted his actions.
Adam persevered throughout the long day with what he deemed mindless tasks but his hopes of emulating what the monkeys did were not diminished, if anything he felt that the more he did to appease his new love, the greater the chances of a pleasurable reward, and so that night he slipped under the monkey furs with his woman and placed his arms around her, she responded by hitting him with the rolling pin and said “Not tonight! Perhaps tomorrow when I don’t have a headache!” So the next night Adam approached his sleeping love and placed some pain killing leaves in his loves open mouth, she immediately awoke and asked what he had placed in her mouth, he answered a headache cure, she replied I don’t have a headache, and so the human race was born.
The Beginning
(Of the End)
