“I thought it would be there, so it was. You can do it as well, just think of something and turn the rock over.” explained the kangaroo.
“Actually, I think I won’t. Any kind of craziness could appear under there!” shouted the man.
“Suit yourself, but we’re going to have to see the boss now.” the kangaroo replied.
“Okay, but what does the boss want with me?” Asked the man.
“Well you see, the boss is having a bit of a problem.” said the kangaroo.
“Why me? What does the boss want with me?” he cried.
The kangaroo cocked his head to one side and looked puzzled.
“You work at a zoo. Right?” asked the kangaroo.
“Yeeeess.” he replied.
“And your name is Andy Gibson, aged 29, 57 Australia Street. Occupation: zoo-keeper, former English teacher… Right?”
“Yes, yes, yes. That’s my name. I remember now. Why couldn’t I remember before?” he questioned.
“Well, you see, that’s what happens when the boss brings you lot here. You get a bit messed up sometimes. You’re lucky, you only had short term memory loss. The last one-of-you he tried to bring here ended up changing colours and looking like a woman. We sent him back but he was rich so he was okay. You see, sometimes, the boss needs a little bit of help with his making, so he brings you lot in to help him. Most of you end up staying here in town. You seem to like it better.” Answered the kangaroo.
“What town?” questioned the man.
“The town where you all stay. Messup. It’s a nice place but you don’t want to get on the wrong side of some of that lot. They’re the ones that went seriously strange when they got bought here.” Said the kangaroo. “Follow me.” He added.
They both stood up and the kangaroo began hopping off into the desert again, towards the black shapes in the distance. They both travelled for about an hour until they reached the town, namely Messup. The town looked just like a Mediterranean town from a film. All the houses were painted white with flat roofs and palm trees shading balconies with rocking chairs. Right in the centre of the town was a rather large building with a rather large sign saying ‘The Alcohol Inn’ with a smaller sign underneath saying ‘and out’. The large building had classic swing doors and at least three floors. They both stood leaning against the wall waiting for someone to speak.
“Who have you got this time, Bruce?” said a large man with sunglasses, a white, sparkly, leather suit and a large, jet black, greased, coif.
“His name’s Andy. Treat him good. I’m going to see if the boss is ready. I’ll be back in 5 minutes. If anything happens to him, I’ll get the boss to put you in with the emu.” Declared the kangaroo.
“We’ll treat him real good.” said the man in a purple dinosaur suit with a green belly and oversized black eyes.
“That’s what I’m worried about! Especially you, Barney! Leave him be!” stated the kangaroo.
With that the kangaroo turned and hopped out of the doors, leaving Andy all on his own.
He looked around at some of the strangest characters that he had ever seen. A man concealed inside a purple dinosaur costume, the man in the white, leather suit and a strange man in the corner wearing tight leather trousers and a red lace waistcoat were staring at Andy in an unwelcoming way. Now he was worried. The kangaroo he could handle. It was strange but not worrying. Some of the people in this place seriously disturbed him. The man in the purple dinosaur suit walked towards him and leaned on the wall next to him.
“Byron, the man in the leather cat suit and his boys have the third floor but I have a room on the second floor if you want to rest.” shuddered the purple dinosaur pointing out the man.
“No thanks. I’m all right. I just have to wait for the kangaroo to come back and he’ll take me to see the boss. I’ll see if I can help. If I can, I will, but if I can’t, I’ll go home if that’s alright.” Said Andy.
“Suit yourself. You’re missing out though! You’d better watch out for the Scottish bloke in the corner though. He’s a weirdo!” he added
“Okay. I’ll keep that in mind.” Said Andy
The man in the purple dinosaur suit walked away and Andy went to sit at the nearest table. He sat down. The chairs were old but still comfortable. A shapely girl came down the stairs. She had hazel coloured hair down to her shoulders and the room seemed to freeze as she came down the stairs and all eyes turned to look at her. When she saw him, her eyes lit up and she attempted to run to him but fell down the stairs. She stood up at the bottom, her hair messed up, then she ran over to him.
“Hello stranger,” she said, “you here to see the boss then? Well, you must be. It’s the only way you could have got here. Oh no, how rude of me. I’m Lolita Freebush.” she said, as if caressing him with her voice and fluttering her eyelashes.
“Hello! I’m Andy. Pleased to meet you.” he replied, a little startled.
“I work upstairs with Monsieur Can-Can and his troop. They are very friendly, and so am I if you want me to be. I hope you haven’t accepted Barney’s offer. Have you?” she remarked hopefully.
“I sure haven’t.” he stated strongly.
“I should hope not. Back where you come from he was quite famous amongst children. He kept them in cages and poked them with long sticks every day. Then he ate them. He was so mean.” She said.
“Okay, well I’ll tell you now, I am not interested in people who dress up as purple dinosaurs to entice children, I can assure you.” he stated.
“Well you know, I have a room on the second floor as well if you wouldn’t mind sharing it with me and some of the other girls if you’ve got the money. If you haven’t then go and get some sequins from Elvis over there. I’ll accept them instead of money for your rent. I’ll be waiting for you. “ She said as she went back upstairs.
As soon as she had gone, a ginger man wearing a bright tartan kilt walked over and sat next to him with a large glass of scotch whisky.
“Twenty-five year old malt, this stuff is.” he rambled holding the glass under Andy’s nose. Andy nearly fainted with fumes. The noxious liquid smelled like de-icer mixed with petrol and definitely something dead.
“Kept in a vat for 25 years and if we’re lucky the odd rat falls in and drowns to add to the flavour. We were really lucky with this one. We left this one in the desert and it looks like a camel fell in and died. Excellent flavour.” He added sniffing the liquid again. “You should stay away from that girl. You don’t know the tales I’ve heard about her bedroom antics. Men have come out of there traumatised for life, they say.” he whispered. “They say, she has extra large pillows and when her lover or victim enters the room she grabs a big axe from under her pillow and sets about chopping off their toes. And that’s not all, once all the toes are thoroughly chopped off she feeds them to her pet armadillo who lives in the lampshade.” he shuddered. “You have to stay away from her.” he added. “She’s the reason we’ve got the platypus and the giraffe, the most useless creatures in the world. All her fault.” Then he sat back in his chair.
“Oh, okay, if you say so.” remarked Andy confusedly.
“Anyway, my names Hugh, Hugh Geass. People say I’m weird because I look after the emus and I’m paranoid, but it’s just because they’re jealous because the emus love me more. They always are speaking about me behind my back. I’m not weird or paranoid though. Who said that?” He added loudly and as he said this, the kangaroo hopped back through the door
“Riigghhtt. I think I’ll leave now.” then Andy stood up.
Now deeply traumatised by what he heard from different people he looked to the kangaroo for his salvation.
“The boss is ready to see you now.” exclaimed the kangaroo loudly and everyone went back to their sitting positions on chairs in the corners as Andy stood up. Andy exited the room as quickly as he could, glad to be back with someone (or something) reasonably normal. They hopped and walked along until they reached a huge, misty greenhouse at the edge of town. They walked up to the doors and they opened without needing to be touched. Andy saw no technology which could open them, no motion sensor, so he found this strange. But he still didn’t know who his boss was and what he was boss of.
“Who is this boss of yours and what is he boss of?” asked Andy.
“Haven’t you caught on yet mate? My boss is God. How else did you think you got here?” Questioned the kangaroo.
“So where am I then?” asked Andy.
“This place is known as God’s playground. It’s on earth but cannot be found by humans unless they are summoned here. This is where God, or Daniel, as we know him, creates all of the animals and stuff an puts them on the earth. When ever he makes something new, he puts it on the earth in large numbers and changes peoples memories so that they believe that they have always been there. If he didn’t do that people would be very confused. “ said the kangaroo. “He created me to bring you here. He thought a kangaroo wouldn’t surprise you as much.” As he finished saying this a funny, very pale man who looked extremely like a woman came charging out of the undergrowth wielding a huge sword and screaming
“Shaowmon! Mother truckers going to see the jolly green giant, HEE HEE. Shaowmon!” He then slashed straight down onto the kangaroo’s tail who took on a look of slight annoyance. The crazy man/woman stopped, the kangaroo picked up his profusely bleeding, severed tail and proceeded to beat the man/woman to death with it. After a small amount of time when he/she/it was dead they proceeded.
“Sorry about that mate.” said the kangaroo, then tidied him self up
“But I don’t believe in God, so won’t he be annoyed?” Andy said worriedly.
“Don’t worry. I don’t believe in God either. We think he was just the first person who found this place by accident and invented all of his equipment from bits he found scattered about the desert. That sort of thing happens around here, as you already know. He creates all the animals and plants in here day after day. He just appointed himself God because he was here first and he controls pretty much the whole world. With all of his equipment he can effect anyone on the planet at any time.” Said the kangaroo.
“So it’s not just me. Why does he want me then?” questioned Andy.
“I already told you. He’s probably stuck on one of his projects and he needs help or some advice. Just make sure you call him ‘Sir’ unless he tells you otherwise and do whatever he tells you to.” Said the kangaroo.
They got to some stairs in amongst the greenhouse plants and trees and walked up them. At the top, there was a door.
“You have to go ahead alone. I am not allowed in.” said the kangaroo.
Andy walked to the door and opened it. Inside were rows and rows of tools encircling a large flat area with some kind of animal under construction. The back end was still a skeleton and behind it stood a man wearing safety goggles and holding a rather strange looking tool. Andy looked around. All over the shelves were different tools and many different pieces of animals, hearts, lungs, livers etc. Andy was slightly disturbed at this sight but walked around the animal that was under construction until he reached the man on the other side. He stood next to the man as he worked on his creation.
“Sorry, but you don’t look like a god.” apologised Andy.
“That’s because I am not ‘a’ god. I am ‘the’ God. The one and only. Only because I got here first but still, finders, keepers.” said God.
“If you like. Suit yourself. Can’t blame you for wanting to rule the world.” said Andy.
“Anyway, down to business. I want you to help me with finishing this animal and then help me name it.” added God.
Andy looked at the half-completed animal. It had four legs, which were quite long, a long neck but not as long as a giraffes, it had matted hair all over its body and a head resembling a squashed horses. It was definitely original but he could think of no name for it.
“When I put it on earth it will be able to spit on people and I will make it live in quite cold areas to carry luggage, and possibly people, around mountains etc.” said God thoughtfully.
“Okay then Mr God…” started Andy.
“Call me Daniel” God interrupted.
“Okay Daniel. Do you have any ideas for this animals name and what colour will it be?” Asked Andy.
“Well that’s what you’re here for. I started it because I was bored and you’re here to finish it for me. Bit of a privilege for you, suppose!” said Daniel.
“Well, I think it should have brown and white patterned fur an it should be called a mountainous-horse-resemblance-donkey.” explained Andy doubtfully.
“That’s a bit of a poor name. I think my names have been good so far. I’m not going to disgrace myself with something as poor as that!” said Daniel, slightly shocked. “Well considering you’re rubbish at naming, I was thinking a ‘Llama’. That sounds about right, don’t you think.” asked Daniel.
“I suppose so. That’s quite a good name.” replied Andy.
“Thanks. I think it’s quite good myself.” Daniel cheerfully exclaimed.
Andy took a few steps back and leant on one of the consoles with many flashing buttons and screens all over it. As he did so, without, knowing it, the chinchillas all over the world became exceedingly vicious , grew huge fangs and went on a violent rampage, killing any humans in their way by biting of their ankles. Andy stood up and walked over to Good and said “Well, can I go home now?”
“Nooo!” shouted Daniel.
Everything went blank and then Andy woke up in his nice warm bed.
Actually, he didn’t. He looked around and on a shelf near by he saw a jar with a rather large knife next to it. In the jar, he saw something rather disturbing. He stared in horror as body-parts floated in the jar.
The jar was full of toes. He was in Lolita Freebushes bedroom and she was standing over him with a large axe, all ready to cut off his toes. He groaned and raised his head. Then he screamed. Lolita cuffed him round the head with the axe to shut him up and everything went blank again.
When Andy woke up again he was in back in Gods construction lab, with God leaning over him.
“The llama fell on you. Sorry! I was only joking, you can go home really.” God said. He went over to one of his consoles and pressed a button. “Bye-bye.”
Andy woke up once more. He was in his own bed at home. This time, it was real. Alone in his house as usual but something was wrong. He looked next to him. There was a rather large lump in the bed. He pulled the covers back. There in his bed, next to him lay a llama.
“Blllalalelelala” announced the llama. On top of the llama lay a note saying. ‘Cheers mate, yours sincerely God’.
