Jane was becoming a close friend of mine and we stood up for each other when Margaret would make allegations towards our children, claiming that William would strike at them in self defence.
As I walked through the front door I saw a suitcase. Jerry was cooking dinner, a rare act which he usually performed when he was feeling guilty or had forgotten to tell me he was going to stay out the night. This was it the end of our fairytale, the end of his continuous obligation towards me and my fatherless child. I found myself starting to tear, as much as I hated Jerry’s falsehood I loved having a man around. Jerry had a smile across his face; I loved how he tried to always make me happy. But I hated that I was loosing him. I walked over to him, trying to contain my tears. He looked up at me and gave me a kiss on the forehead and blankly welcomed me home. I was now on the break of an emotional breakdown. Jerry got my hand and led me to the spare bedroom. I was completely bemused. But then he opened the door and revealed Jane on the bed, her makeup running down her face and a large bruise on her right cheek. She had many red hand marks running down her arm. Jerry gave me a little push forward and left the room as I swiftly wrapped Jane in my arms. Zoë was asleep in her pram. She had no marks on her and seemed peaceful.
Later on in the evening, after dinner, I took Jane’s bag up to the spare room and placed some bath towels and some of Amy’s toys on the bed. Jerry kindly put up Amy’s old cot. Jane joined us for some drinks when Zoë was safely asleep. When we finished our glasses we all went to bed. When I woke up Jerry was in the kitchen cooking breakfast, again another trade, he is so caring and considerate in these situations. Jane and I went shopping and we discussed what was going to happen, Jane sobbed a bit in a department store but soon recovered and we hastily made our way out of that shop. Jane then came to a decision later on that day that she would leave Mark and come to an agreement over who would have Zoë.
Later that month Mark came to our flat with bags containing Jane’s stuff and a note for Jane, he dumped it at my feet and staggered of, occasionally stumbling and bouncing off the corridor wall. Jane didn’t feel up to reading it alone and asked me to sit with her and see what I thought. The letter read, ‘dear Jane,’ I noticed his handwriting was shaky and he had probably been drunk whilst he wrote this. ‘I am sorry for the mistakes I have made and I want you and Amy back. I think with help I can sort things out. If not I will get my lawyer to sort out a payment monthly and somewhere for you and Amy to live. In any case I miss you and love you dearly. Yours, Mark.’
I told Jane that she should see mark, even though I didn’t think his scrunched up piece of paper was a good enough apology, she did and a few weeks later she and Amy moved back in. I regularly called her and we continued seeing each other. She said that everything was going great with Mark and he was off the booze. I didn’t fully believe her, because of regular marks on her wrist, but I left it to her and decided not to fret in other people’s business.
Jerry had been pestering me to go out to a few parties with him for a long time and eventually I gave in. That night I got dolled up put on some heels and dropped Amy off with Jake, our next door neighbour who I rarely speak to about topics other than Amy. I gave Amy a kiss on the forehead and thanked Jake for taking her. We then got in the car and drove to a club nearby. It was noisy and musty inside and everyone was dancing frantically. I frequently lost Jerry in the bustling crowd but managed to hop onto a chair on many occasions to see over the huge mass and look for Jerry’s prominent head. He was very tall and easily visible from an elevated position. When I had found him he introduced me to his friends and got us all some drinks. I was enjoying myself thoroughly and I danced with almost everyone in the club. At about twelve o’clock I went over to Jerry and asked if we could leave, he then ignored me and went to talk to one of his friends. I left him for half an hour and then again tried to ask him if we could go home. He handed me a drink a said he just had to talk to some friends before we left. I sipped my drink and mingled with some people but found myself completely bored and annoyed with his constant diversions. It was now two o’clock and I insisted to Jerry that we leave and go pick up Amy. He grabbed my arm and led me out of the club. He had a firm grip and was really hurting my arm. He took me out that back pushed me out the door. He followed and slowly paced up and down. ‘Isabel,’ this worried me, as he only ever referred to me as Izzy; ‘we can go home later and take care of that kid but I want to stay here.’
‘That kid?’ I looked into his scowling eyes, ‘that kid has been waiting for over six hours; you can’t expect me to leave her so long!’
‘I don’t care how long she has to wait, she’s only two, she won’t remember!’ He stood there with an arrogant posture to him that I despised.
‘Jerry just take me home ok, you can come back after if you want.’ I really did feel pathetic I was pleading for him to do what any other person would naturally do.
‘Make your own way home, go take a bus or something!’ he turned away and made his way back into the club. I ran up behind him and put my hand on his shoulder.
‘Take me home Jerry!’ he swung around and hit the side off my face. I fell back onto a wall and stood there quivering he walked towards me and pushed me against the nearby wall. He had his hands pushing against my shoulders and his face was so close to my own I could smell the alcohol on his breath.
‘Don’t touch me Izzy! Just go home and get the kid!’ he pushed himself off my shoulders with great force, leaving me standing against a wall. I was shivering and I could feel the icy wind on my bare legs. I slowly made my way back home, walking along the deserted streets. When I got home I kicked of my shoes and went downstairs to get Amy, my mascara was had trickled down my face and my cheeks were red from the chilliness of the outside air. I knocked on the door and Mark came to the door he took one look at me and invited me in. he sat me on the sofa and fetched Amy from her cot. She was still fast asleep. I looked up at Mark, who was making a cup of tea. He then came over and handed it to me and took Amy and placed her back in her cot. He sat next to me with a cup in his hand. ‘So what happened’ he asked. There was no point making an excuse, what happened, happened.
‘Jerry,’ I stopped and looked up at him ‘he was drunk and pushed me against a wall’ I stopped again; he looked at my cheek which now had a dark red mark on it. He put his hand on the side of my face and rubbed my bruise with his thumb.
Mark let me sleep in his flat; he kindly slept on the sofa and brought Amy into the room.
The next morning Jake was in the lounge with Amy, she was making towers with building blocks and he was picking up the residue from the where she had knocked over her last tower. He was keeping her amused with faces and bizarre noises. I helped myself to a cup of milk and sat down at the table watching them play together. Mark eventually spotted my gazing at them and stood up. There was an awkward silence and then he offered to cook some breakfast.
When we had finished washing up I gathered Amy’s stuff and began to take it upstairs. I dumped her bags in my bedroom and headed downstairs to fetch her cot. As I opened the door there was Jake with her cot folded up neatly under his arm. I took the cot off him and placed it against the wall. ‘That’s everything I think.’ He said. ‘Coffee?’ He smiled and stood in the doorway. I leaned my head in the direction of where Amy was sleeping in her pram and made an exaggerated warning. He tip toed in and quietly whispered a little ‘shh’ whilst putting his finger over his mouth. I brewed the coffee and moved into the study where Jake was sitting on the sofa.
‘Rough night then?’ he asked.
‘Yeah, I suppose, look thanks for looking after Amy, and letting me stay.’
‘No problem, I like the company.’ A boyish grin printed across his face. He quickly broke off eye contact and picked up his cup of tea. There was a long awkward silence in which he finished his tea. He then looked up and presented his empty cup, ‘I think I should be going.’ He said as he stood up and stood in the spot for a minute. I followed him to the door and casually said, ‘see you some other time then.’ With that he made a small waving gesture and strolled out the door. I stood behind the closed door for a second and then shifted towards Amy’s cot to watch her sleep. Just as I started to do so the door bell went. Subconsciously I knew it was him, but deep down my body was filled with suspense and my heart was pounding with fear. I turned the handle and like in the movies the door opened slowly and of course he was there, his hands in his pockets. He stood on the spot and lifted his eyes; I wanted him to love me so much. I wanted him to cherish me as much as I cherished him. So I took the plunge and stepped forward positioning my face next to his so I could feel his warm breathe on my cheeks. He smiled gently and pressed his lips onto mine. The kiss was powerful and soothing; it felt like it belonged in a fairy tale.
Eight months on and I’m now living with Jake and we are due to get married next Monday. Jerry moved out and is now in rehabilitation for use of heroin. Jane broke it off with Mark and is now in a stable relationship with a man called Mike who has two kids of his own and is madly in love with young Zoe.
By Jessica Woodward